The Dress - Help Decide!

Beginning Raw Vegan Weight: 425

Beginning Blog Weight: 277

Weight Yesterday: 252.5

Weight Today: 251 3/4

Today’s Loss: -3/4

Total Blog Loss: 24 3/4 lbs in 3 weeks and 3 days...and a LOT of inches!

NEW GOAL: 249 - only 2 3/4 lbs away!!

TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS: 172 3/4 lbs

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DRESS CHOICES for RAW UNION WEDDING WHERE I WILL SING IN CEREMONY and RECEPTION:

- Flowery Pink Brightness, Informal
- Black/Gold Formal
- Brown Christmas Tree, Formal

- Subdued Classy Camoflauge, Informal

Cliff and I are leaning towards the camoflaugey one nearest to the bottom. I'll tell you why!

• It's not as formal as my formal gowns, but I suspect the wedding will be rather informal and i don't want to stick out like a sore thumb in a ball gown, like i did at the last wedding i sang at.
• It will travel well lumped into a ball in my suitcase, and ultimately, i think it will be more comfortable than my formal gown, the black and gold, which is falling off of me. (I won't be in fear of my tatas making their grand debut in front of 300 people.)
• The brown Christmas Tree with the black ribbon's boob area is so huge on me now, i look like dolly parton, except there's nothing to fill it. I have like a B cup and that dress is made for a D.
• The pink colorful one is pretty, but actually not as flattering on me closeup.
• In the photo, the camoflaugey one looks a little subdued, perhaps it is, but Cliff and i think it's the most appropriate one for a raw food festival. The pink one is pretty loud.
• I think i look most beautiful in the formal black/gold one, but it's too big on me and i'd have to wear the little hold up straps and they're kinda digging into me because they're holding up a dress that's too big.
• The only 2 that really fit are the pink and the camoflauge.

Whattaya think?

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GREAT DAY YESTERDAY

I felt so great yesterday! Was it the sunflower seeds? Did they give me some energy? Was it the Betaine HCL i took to help me digest? Betaine helps us ABSORD nutrients. I think i should be taking that daily. Was it that i processed/came to terms emotionally with the hair, the recording session, all of the ugly feelings i was having? It passed.

I had THE BEST VOCAL PRACTICE SESSION. I was fabulous. I sang for Cliff all of the songs i will be singing at the raw wedding union http://www.rawunion.com/ and vocally it was night and day from the recording session. Why? I was finally CONNECTED...in vocal terms that means my BODY was connected under me. My diaphragm/abdominals were engaged. Having a low larynx is not good enough. I need to have my SUPPORT under me. It felt AMAZING. I felt i had CONTROL over my voice.

FOOD

BREAKFAST: 5 plums, 2 nectarines

EARLY LUNCH: zucchini spaghetti with tomatoey sauce - blenderized 2 ripe tomatoes, 1/2 red pepper, 2 Tbsp nutritional yeast. okay, not great. the yeast didn't taste good here.

VOICE LESSON

SN: 2 coconut waters.

SN: Chocolate coconut shake: 2 Tbsp raw coconut flakes, 2 Tbsp raw cacao, 4 bananas, 3 big frozen strawberries, 1 heaping tsp cashew butter, 1.5 cups water. This put me over my fat limit, but i was really needing something 'comforting'. It was emotional eating, but it wasn't a hamburger or a gourmet pizza either. So, i'm improving!

SN: Lots of crispy sweet watermelon, delish. i have bought a watermelon DAILY for the last few days. I can't get enough of it!

xoxo michelle joy

A Hard Day. Reflections on Reflections.

Beginning Raw Vegan Weight: 425

Beginning Blog Weight: 277

Weight Yesterday: 252

Weight Today: 252 1/2

Today’s Loss: +1/2

Total Blog Loss: 24.5 lbs in 3 weeks and 2 days...and a LOT of inches!

NEW GOAL: 249 - only 3.5 lbs away!!

TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS: 172.5 lbs

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SHORT HAIRCUT and MY NEW SHIRT
There's my new short haircut and the peekaboo spot of thinning up top. It's good i'm smiling, though. These pictures were taken yesterday.

That's the new white pretty top Cliff bought me for my birthday on May 12th. It is a 1x and it actually FITS now! I was so joyous wearing that during my walk. Cliff was so thrilled he could go into Kohls and buy off the rack in a 'regular' store for my birthday. It was tight when i tried in on on my birthday. Not anymore! No more "Catherines" or "Avenue" or "Fashion Bug Plus" necessary in order to buy a birthday present!


TODAY AND YESTERDAY
I awoke this morning feeling blah. But i actually am feeling better now. I gained a half pound this morning, but i understand it, it's okay.

FOOD/ACTIVITY FROM YESTERDAY
I fell asleep early as Cliff and I were watching 'Gran Torino' last night. (Wake up at 4:15 a.m., to sleep by 9p.m.!!!) Missed writing my food.

EXERCISE: 30 minute hard walk uphill alot while Cliff showered after his bicycle ride.

SINGING PRACTICE: 5 minutes, went through new songs to learn words.

BREAKFAST: Made a big jug of smoothie and drank half in the car: strawberries, 4 bananas, coconut, water.

Trip to Adamstown, PA! The fridge was bare, had to resort to extra bananas as i was caught unprepared with not enough produce and no greens.

SN: The rest of the smoothie above.

SN: Adamstown's STOUDTS Brewery has a farmers market/natural health food store on the top floor, completely unbe-knowst to me with all of these health food products we sell at arnolds way....and get this, they carry: RAW CHEESE!!!!! My friends Dustin and Meredith, and Rebecca enjoy this treat. Let me tell you, I was TEMPTED!!! My only fear was that i would like it TOO much, and since it's fatty and not vegan, i opted out. But they had 6 flavors!!!!! chedder and swiss and it just kept going on and on and on. It's a little company outside of Lancaster that makes it.

I chose fresh shucked peas from fresh raw pea pods in a container, a tasty crunchy nice snack! And i got about 3/4 of a cup of sunflower seeds and snacked on 1/2 of those.

All morning sunflower seeds were calling me, i've not eaten them in weeks, but i really wanted them and so, there you go. I knew i was eating too many, but i had been feeling HORRIBLE, and i wasn't sure why. I thought they would make me feel better? I don't think they did. But i think i feel better this morning, so who knows????

Cliff ate two hotdogs with sauerkraut, and let me tell you, i had a serious case of the poor me's yesterday and really felt sorry for myself. i love (love-d) hotdogs. and i still LOVE the smell hotdogs and could just imagine how good they would taste. We walked around and had fun shopping for antiques. i got a pretty necklace and ring from my honey!

SN: 1 large water and 1.5 oranges

LUNCH: 2 corns on the cob, more of the raw peas.

SN: 1/4 of a medium watermelon

DN: 1 cup of green grapes and a huge salad, i was really craving greens. Whole head of red leaf lettuce, shredded beets, carrot, purple cabbage, tomato, red pepper, long green pepper and purple onion, 2 Tbsp of nutritional yeast, juice of 1/2 lemon, 2 Tbsp of apple cider vinegar, a sunflower seed cream dressing: blenderized the rest of the sunflower seeds, water, 1 clove garlic.

The salad came out coated in a pink cream that bled off of the beets. It was huge and actually yummy and so creamy. It was the creamiest thing i've had in over 3 weeks. It would have been killer with salt. I couldn't get over the fact that there was no oil in it and i liked it.

* * * * FAT ALERT: Yet, this little sunflower seed party turned my day into nearly 60% fat according to fitday.com. 3/4 of a cup of sunflower seeds have 616 calories and 53 fat
grams.

* * * * *CANDIDA ALERT: I am still itching and burning and i don't think the sunflower seeds helped. It is discouraging, but yet, i go on.

RAW EMOTIONS - MIRRORS - WHAT YOU SEE, WHAT YOU HEAR, IS WHAT YOU GET!

• Yesterday was one of the hardest days emotionally i have had. I looked at myself in the mirror naked, noticing all of my cellulite and stretchmarks and hangy hangy hangy skin and cried. Cliff comforted me, hugged me, kissed me, and told me i was beautiful. He is my darling. I couldn't stop crying. Losing weight is wonderful and i look better in clothes, but i am scarred for life by the damage i have done to my body over 20+ years of yo yo dieting.
  
  When i lose all of my weight, i'd like to get plastic surgery to pull everything UP and tight.
  
  Angela Stokes says the skin will go back with raw. I think that's really a myth unless you have never lost and gained before like i have my entire life. Stretchmarks are scars that don't go away. I hope the hair regrowing is not a myth as well.
  
  I couldn't stop thinking about the recording session i had and how unhappy i was with it. The recording session was a mirror of a sort, too. And I'm not happy with that either, and don't want to put it out there.
  
  I felt badly about my singing. Badly about my body. Badly about my hair. I tried to work the secret and detach from those negative thoughts. I can't do much to change things, i can just work on accepting them....and making them BETTER.
  
  But Cliff comforted me again. No, it was not my best, he agreed after listening to the recording, but said, "You are wonderful. I hear alot of nerves. You were restricting, you weren't letting your voice flow."
  
  I explained i could hear myself in the headphones and heard every flaw and it was freaking me out and i couldn't 'let go'. He told me about Brian Wilson, the lead singer of AC/DC who NEVER
  listens to his own voice in the earphones. GOOD TO KNOW. The microphone and the earphones really stifled me. I had pitch problems repeatedly and i rarely have pitch problems, well, that i KNEW of anyway.
  
  
  CONFIDENCE IS EVERYTHING
  This experience really threw my confidence before the big wedding union i will be singing in. And i cried alot yesterday. I was irritable and miserable much of the day. I will hold off on adding those recordings to a myspace.com page, until i get better material i am proud of. If i put something out there that i am not proud of, i'll lose my confidence.
  
  
  MOVING ON
  This morning, I actually feel better, renewed, ready to move on.
  
  And that is what i will do!
  
  I'll take my walk and I need to go to the studio to have some backtracks copied from youtube for the raw wedding.
  
  I teach singing today and have a singing rehearsal tonight for a show i do with my accompanist, Alex. We will be singing, "From Opera to Broadway", a show pianistic and vocal gems of Gershwin, Puccini, Lloyd Webber and Rodgers and Hammerstein" in July.
  
  Onward and upward.
  
  Wishing you a blessed day. We can get through this....together.
  

FOOD/ACTIVITY

• EXERCISE: 30 min walk, half all uphill.
• BREAKFAST: I made a green smoothie that filled to the brim of the vitamix cannister. I drank half for breakfast. Carted the other half in the car.
  
  BEST INVESTMENT TIP: a big igloo jug for drinks. It keeps them cold and fits an entire vitamix cannister worth of smoothie in it. and this was a good one!
  
  Green smoothie: Swiss chard, 1 1/2 banana, 2 cups red grapes, 1.5 cups grozen strawberries, water. Was sweet from the grapes and the chard is yummy, not as bitter as kale.
• SN: Rest of green smoothie
• LN: BIG salad - red leaf lettuce, red onion, red pepper, tomato. Dressing: 2 tsp raw tahini, 1/8 cup water, 1/2 large lemon's juice, garlic powder, 2 Tbsp of nutritional yeast, black pepper. This was good!
• DINNER: Zucchini spaghetti (2 big zucchinis spiralized) with a very simple sauce or 1/2 red pepper and 3 red ripe tomatoes blenderized. this was actually GOOD!
• TAUGHT SINGING LESSON: Man, you know how they say that sometimes the student teaches the teacher? This lesson was filled with such awarenesses for my students (a couple) AND me. What an inspiration.
  SN: Alot of watermelon. I cut a big one in half. Cut that part in half (that's a 1/4th of a large) and ate 3/4 of that. Man, it was goooood.
• VOCAL PRACTICE: unbelievable practice. i'm going to be good! I was not 'connected' to my diaphragm/abdominals. I got it now!!! I'm back, baby!!
• SN: 2 raw corn on the cob. sweet. yum.
  
  xxooxo michelle joy

Vowels, Bowels & Follicles

Beginning Raw Vegan Weight: 425

Beginning Blog Weight: 277

Weight Yesterday: 252 3/4

Weight Today: 252

Today’s Loss: -3/4

Total Blog Loss: 25 lbs in 3 weeks and one day...and a LOT of inches!

NEW GOAL: 249 - only 3 lbs away!!

TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS: 173 lbs

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EARLY MORNINGS
Ahhhh, it's another early early morning on the raw homefront here. I awoke at 4:15 a.m. this morning, and yeeeeees, my bowels had apparently promted my early wake up call. Bizarro.

I went to bed deadtired at 10 p.m. last night, so i'm planning on napping early today. All of this walking is exhausting me by days end. Cliff and I, the early morning daily exercise bugs, are pooped at 8, 9pm. We go to bed early and get up early!


GLENDA
I received a very nice note from my new friend, Glenda. HI GLENDA! Glenda is incorporating more raw into her life and trying to find the best way and timing to do that for herself. I'm sending you love on your journey, Glenda!!! Glenda's note really brightened my spirits this morning.


RECORDING SESSION HARDER THAN I EXPECTED
I had awoken in a kind of a duldrums. First of all it's pitch dark out, so that doesn't help to raise the spirits. And my recording session yesterday only went 'okay', so i'm a little bummed about that, but I need to accept it for what it was, learn from it, and grow.

I apparently have a way to go in learning how to control my voice under nerves and under the 'microscope' of the microphone. It picks up every awful thing you do.

Yet, there were some notes, some phrases, some sections of the 7 songs we recorded yesterday that turned out okay. But, there was more I didn't like than i did.


MYSPACE.COM PAGE COMING SOON
My goal was to record useable 'snippets' of each song to attach to a new myspace page dedicated to my wedding singing, the different shows I sing in retirement homes, etc... I think i was able to accomplish some nice phrases and sections of songs, so we'll use those for the new site. After the Raw Union http://www.rawunion.com/ , Angela Stokes and Matt Monarch's wedding, people from the festival interested in hiring me to sing will know how to find me. There will be 5,000 people at the raw wedding!

Since this will be a 'starter' page, I'm not expecting perfection. After it is up, i'll work on refining the recordings, get back in the studio and make better cuts. Recording is not terribly expensive, but I'll need to generate more funds to be able to keep doing it regularly. I think it will be important for me.


PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
Having that big black mike staring at me really threw me. I usually focus on projecting my voice out instead of singing into a mike. I'm hoping the more and more I record, the calmer and calmer i'll feel.

The recording engineer was very kind and seemed to understand when my voice sounded good and when it didn't. So, the more he gets to know me, the more perfection we can achieve as a team.

And the more I do this, as well, the more i'll realize the cause and effect that is vocal technique. If my tongue is not relaxed, i get this sound (i didn't like it). When my tongue IS relaxed i get THIS sound (i liked it), etc...

I think this will be a learning process and an up and down thing....much like everything these days! But, success is like that. Often, it is hard won.

It would be beneficial to start recording myself at home, so i KNOW how i sound on this phrase, on that phrase, and it's not such a shock at the studio. 'God, do i really sound like that?'

My one regret is that i did not get a good opera aria cut. I'm due to see the engineer again on Monday to create the sound 'snippets' from the recordings we did make, so perhaps he might have time to do a few arias. I'll ask. It would be worth it to me.


RAW WEDDING SONGS
The amended list for what i will sing at the Raw Union http://www.rawunion.com/ keeps growing! It's up to 9 peices! The 3 Matt and Angela requested to dance to as bride and groom are totally new! Wish me luck!

In an effort to stay calm, i'm procrastinating. Bad idea. Better to be a wreck now. And phenomenol at the wedding. If i'm calm now, i'll be a wreck then.

I'll start adding 'vocal practice' update to my food/exercise section.

Here's the whole list, so far. Some of the dance tunes I may change up, but i've sung them all many times.

Ceremony:

• Ave Maria
• Climb Ev'ry Mountain

Reception - Bride and Groom dance:

• Can you feel the love tonight
• At Last
• Born Free

Reception - Slow set for dancing:

• My funny Valentine
• Wind beneath my wings
• Cheek to Cheek
• Unforgettable

RAW WEDDING UNION GOWN
Above are some dressy pics of me at the Civil War Ball at the Union League in downtown, Philadelphia, PA. This is the gown I will wear for the raw wedding, only it's falling off of me, literally. If i move, it falls down and my boobies pop out. I was probably about 30 pounds heavier in these pics. I'm going to have to wear the strap that came with it to hold it up!


HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW
I like my hair here in these pictures....

I'm very depressed this morning about my hair. It's something i haven't talked about at all yet on the blog, but it's become a fact of 'raw life' for me. I've lost alot of hair since 80-10-10ing. I understand this happens to many women. It also happens to many women who get gastric bypass.

It was suggested to me to eat a little bit of nut butter everyday, instead of doing 80-10-10 with zero added fats. It does seem to be a little better since then.

Candida Update: The candida issue i have, the yeast infection of sorts, burning and itching down there, seems to be staying alive with the daily fat addition.

Arnold Kauffman, my boss, THE Arnold or Arnolds Way, adamently counsels clients suffering from candida to ban fat COMPLETELY for a time until it clears up.

When i do that, I may stop itching down there, but my hair will fall out. It's not a win-win situation.

I'll need to have a consult with Arnold. I haven't really discussed this with him yet. But, he's such a wonderful friend and so willing to listen and counsel. He is amazing in that way. What a dearheart.

I've had my hair cut short this summer, and i'm not loving it. Rather than covering the thinning, the short cut exposed it more, not my intent. It's something i'm facing everyday and am trying to accept it and be 'non emotional' about. Really, why get worked up over something i can't even control.

Yet, as a woman, losing hair is...devastating. We all want to be our most attractive. Especially if we're working SO hard to exercise and eat right to lose weight. I had dreams of being gorgeous with thick rich locks of hair in going raw. I've been thinning since my high school days and i had hoped that going raw would grow more hair. Not produce even less and less the longer i stay raw.

I've heard from people that after all of the weight is lost, after a complete detoxifying of the body is complete, the hair will grow back even stronger and thicker. I will pray for this.


RESPONSE FROM DR. DOUGLAS GRAHAM RE: HAIRLOSS
Yet, the response I received from Doug Graham concerning this issue did not leave me hopeful:

Michelle,

Hair loss often accompanies weight loss, for a variety of reasons. You had to be malnourished in order to get over-fat, and now you must intentionally under-consume calories, and nutrients, in order to lose the weight, leaving you further malnourished. Granted, the foods you are choosing now are far better than those you ate in the past, but still, I hope you see my point. Hair loss often is genetic, as well, and there really is little you can do about this, except:

1. Get a wig you really like, and commit to it.
2. Wear your hair with pride, whatever hair you have on your head.
3. Wear your hair really really short, again, with pride. You are not your hair.
4. Ignore the entire situation as if it didn't matter. It doesn't, really.

When you follow 811, be sure to eat ENOUGH. It looks like you are undereating on 811, and that often leads you off of the program. You have some decisions to make about what you REALLY REALLY want. (You can't have it both ways, btw.) When you know that, your decision making will be much easier. I strongly urge you to invest in my "Making Friends With Your Food" DVD set. That is part of why I am making this response no charge. I congratulate you for all the positive changes you have made in your life. Keep striving. But, there is no diet that doesn't have consequences. You need to take great care of yourself if you want great results.

I found Dr. Graham's note depressing and cryptic. I eat when i'm hungry. How could i not be eating enough calories? If I am not eating enough calories, then everyone at rawfoodbootcamp.com is not eating enough calories. I think they eat even less than i do at 1,000-1,200 calories a day.


RAWFOODBOOTCAMP.COM REGARDING HAIRLOSS
Well, in fact, there are hairloss issues there as well:

Hair Loss from http://www.rawfoodbootcamp.com/

This is another side-effect of doing this program. I did a lot of research on this and found out a few things: 1. People who have bariatric surgery also suffer from hair loss. They are put on a high protein diet, and yet they still have the hair loss. They say they think it is from the fast weight loss. 2. Hair is an excrement of the body, so if we don't have as much waste, then it makes sense we won't have as much hair. But then monkeys are raw vegans and they have lots of hair?? 3. This does not happen to everyone. 4. It will grow back, and since this is only a 28 day program, it should not get out of hand by the end of the program. 5. I am hoping that if you start with hemp seed every other day or every three days then you will not experience this problem.

I have consulted with Carlene of rawfoodbootcamp, and she herself had hairloss when she did the 80-10-10 program to lose her 100+ pounds. Although, after she lost her weight, the hair grew back stronger and healthier than before. I am really hoping for this.

I am concerned about my nutrition, and will begin supplementing with Barley Green, and Hemp Seed as Carlene suggests.

OMEGA FATS AND PROTEIN HELPED SHERYL
My good friend, Sheryl Slankey also once experienced hairloss and found a solution in keeping some good fats in her diet and adding in a protein powder:

...I think that certain fats, sugars and salt is important for us as well. When I was on a Weight Watcher’s diet and got my salt and fat intake down really low, I started to lose my hair along with the weight. So we still need fat, but it has to be Omega fats.....I buy a plant based protein powder from Holly Hill that has hemp, pea, rice and chia seed combination. I put a scoop of that into my smoothies every day.

TOTAL BODY RESTORATION
I DO know that Ann Wigmore who drank Wheatgrass juice and ate a plethora of sprouts daily experienced hair that changed from grey back to black.

So, I believe restoration IS possible, but perhaps more greens, more sprouts are necessary. Fruit is SO cleansing, it really cleans everything out, hair follicles included. Perhaps in the 'rebuilding phase', after detoxing, it will really all grow back.


STILL COMMITTED TO RAW
Yet, raw is STILL worth it to me. I feel better, stronger, 5 million times less compulsive with food, my reflux laryngitis is improved. I don't snore anymore. I don't have sleep apnea anymore. I instinctually know it's the way for me.

But, as there are many gurus in the raw world, i'll need to search out answers to my issues. I'm not really satisfied with Dr. Graham's answer.

Yes, I may need to refine my diet somewhat more, and hope to figure that all out. One day at a time.


PURE RAW JOY COMING SOON
I am hoping to soon live in PURE RAW JOY, as a skinny vocally and follicularly JOYOUS being. If not today, then some day soon.

I'll report my day later. Much love to you all. We can get this this, together.

xoxo michelle joy

Letting the ENERGY Flow!

Beginning Raw Vegan Weight: 425

Beginning Blog Weight: 277

Weight Yesterday: 254

Weight Today: 252 3/4

Today’s Loss: -1 1/4

Total Blog Loss: 24 1/4 lbs in 3 weeks...and a LOT of inches!

NEW GOAL: 249 - only 3 3/4 lbs away!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

LOOSE ARMY PANTS
I wish i had measured myself before starting this blog. My army camoflauge pants above are getting losoe on me...!!! Not the most flattering pictures, but what's exciting is how TIGHT those pants used to be! I haven't worn them since last summer, and they had gotten so tight, i had to stop wearing them, and now they're loose!


KEEP IN TOUCH!
Good morning, all of you blogerific people! I'm enjoying hearing from you and hearing your comments, so please keep in touch! LaSoprana@aol.com or leave comments! I just figured out how to respond to comments, so i will be responding to them soon!


LONG BLOG ENTRIES AND LETTING THE ENERGY FLOW!
I apologize my blog entries are so ridiculously long. I know they may be trying to read. I've discussed the issue of long blogs with other bloggers and the concensus is it's best to keep it short and simple. A fabulous suggestion was made to write blogs as drafts and break them up and send them out on days when i can't write. It's a great suggestion, but i guess what i'm doing here...is really JOURNALING. DAILY. I'll try to explain.

This exercise in writing has been THE most amazing THERAPY for me. I am so pleased with how focused it has made me. It has provided me with the most support i have ever felt in my weight loss journey. And it's only YOU and ME!

And it's FREE!


BLOG GOAL - PUBLISH A BOOK!
My goal for this blog is to turn it into a book and get it published. In a year from now, or however long it takes to lose all of my excess pounds, I'll extract the contents of this blog, send it to an interested publisher I already know, and have the makings of a book.

With the blog contents, i'll be able to say 'this is EXACTLY what i did. This is what worked. This is what didn't work. This is how it felt. Maybe this can help OTHERS suffering.'

So, please forgive the long entries. It's really what i need to do for myself.


"LIVING DYNAMICALLY WITH RAW FOOD" by Lisa Montgomery
Lisa Montgomery, a long time customer at Arnolds Way, has been hosting a raw potluck in Royersford, PA for years. She began coaxing more and more famous raw food authors to come speak at her potlucks, and even had Carol Alt speak at her potluck. Carol Alt was so impressed with Lisa, she had Lisa edit her latest raw cookbook, "The RAW 50".

Lisa has a wonderful website: http://www.livingdynamically.com/ where you can see videos of her potlucks and a pilot for her raw food cooking show!

Lisa has become so wellknown in the rawfood world, she was asked to speak at the Raw Food Summit in NY, NY earlier this month.

Lisa has written a new book, "Raw Inspiration: Living Dynamically with Raw Food." My story will be featured in her book, as will several of my gourmet recipes.

Lisa's publisher was so impressed with my story, she asked me if I might want to write my OWN book. Uh, hello, YES! She encouraged me to write daily, compile what i've written, and turn it into a book. Hello, Mr. Blog!

Here is the link at Amazon.com for Lisa's new book, due out in July: http://www.amazon.com/Raw-Inspiration-Living-Dynamically-Food/dp/0981482236/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1244895494&sr=1-2

THE ARTISTS WAY
I once read this wonderful book called, "The Artists Way".

As an artist, a singer, I really connected to the message of this book that ART is ENERGY. And energy needs to flow.

But sometimes, because of emotional issues or mental issues or practical issues, financial issues, weight issues, eating issues, we block ourselves off, and our artistic energy stops flowing. Our LIFE energy even stops flowing.


"THE PAGES"
The main course of action to UNBLOCK energetically the "Artists Way" is to write 3 pages of journaling immediately when arising. You contemplate, you meditate on topics, you tell about your day, your successes, your fears, you let it all out.

And in doing that, religiously, amazing things happen. Your artistic energy starts to flow again, and you find yourself more and more in touch, in tune, and in the zone.

That's how i feel since i've started this blog - more in touch, in tune, and in the zone - in terms of my diet, my following through with daily exercise, my ability to control my food intake at work, my emotional awareness and mental positivity.


ARTISTICALLY UNBLOCKING FEELS AMAZING
As far as my artistic self developing, i feel a shift towards the positive there as well. At my last singing lesson, my teacher actually cried when i sang 'Climb Ev'ry Mountain'. That was a really big complement. The energy must have been flowing, for such a response! I know i did feel particularly 'connected', particularly in the zone. I was OUT OF MY OWN WAY and letting God's gift flow through me.

When that happens, it feels like PURE RAW JOY to me, and to the listener. Energy moves chakras. The vibration of the well flowing voice physically and aurally impacts the listener. God created us to respond to music, and when it's well made, emotions flow, goosebumps rise, hearts soar.

I can understand crying at hearing music so pure and in the zone. I did it last week at Cliff's students' piano recital. One of his students, Jordan, is so musically gifted that his senstive playing of Debussy's 'Claire d'Lune' brought me to tears.

Being in the zone musically is a gift to myself...and to others. And all of this writing is helping!


WRITING IS CALORIE FREE!
I'll try to break the sections down to make them easier to identify, so you can scan and read what you want to and not what you don't. I think that will help, too. But, i just ask for your support in doing what i need to do for me. I am an excessive person by nature, and obviously just as excessive in writing. When that energy of typing starts happening, i find it hard to stop! It is such an intense pleasure for me. And...it's calorie free~!


REBECCA, THE RAW FOOD VIRGIN
One of my FAVORITE Blogs is: http://rawfoodvirgin.blogspot.com/

Rebecca Troutman, the raw food virgin, is such a lovely, BEAUTIFUL young woman, who writes a terrific, witty, concise, sharp, informative blog. I just LOVE it. Please check it out!

Yesterday, Rebecca visited Arnolds Way, not only for a lunch of raw zucchini spaghetti, but to interview Arnold and I for an article she is writing. Rebecca is a professional writer! Wow, she will be approaching the Washington Post with her article for possible submission into the paper! Send her loving energy for this amazing goal!

Rebecca was a pleasure to talk to yesterday, but like all talented artists, sometimes worries. She's particularly worried about what she would focus her rawfood article on. She's on a deadline, too, which doesn't help one relax and flow, but I know she will succeed! Just let it flow, Rebecca and the article will form itself!

Rebecca wants to appeal to young people and send a positive message about raw food. Great idea! As the raw food virgin, an attractive, intelligent, young person herself, I think she has all of the info she needs right under her own nose! Rebecca's hernia is much improved since eating more raw and she's enjoying the social life that being a part of raw world provides.

She's also soaking up raw knowledge like a sponge, even venturing out to making her own KOMBUCHA. I've been raw for 2.5 years and i've never made Kombucha!

I can just SEE the newspaper now, "The Raw Food Virgin." That's a compelling title!

Just speak from your heart, Rebecca. You're so talented, it will create itself. You don't HAVE to know what you're going to say, you just have to start writing and the writing will know what to say!

Please support Rebecca in all of her efforts!


CHRISTOPHER FAIRBURN'S BOOK, "OVERCOMING BINGE EATING"
When i initially started this blog, I planned on focusing on Christopher Fairburn's marvelous book, "Overcoming Binge Eating." That is such a wonderful program that entails weighing in weekly, writing down all food eaten, getting on an strict eating schedule and sticking to it, and eventually weaning off of the schedule, having learned to eat just from hunger, checking progress daily with a series of probing questions, incorporating better eating habits such as: eating slowly, putting the fork down between bites, chewing food thoroughly.

I really hope to still work on some aspects of that book, such as slowing down eating. The slower we eat, the better our bodies absorb the food.

And i think if I start incorporating gourmet into my foodplan, i will need the support of that book to do it successfully!!!! That will be THE biggest challenge, controlling the 'good' stuff! But, as of now, on 80-10-10, i eat when i'm hungry, and don't feel like I have an eating disorder anymore. That's been such an enormous blessing!


WEIGHT LOSS RECOMMENDATIONS FROM http://www.rawfoodbootcamp.com/
But, i'm finding myself almost daily referring to rawfoodbootcamp.com instead.

Rawfoodbootcamp.com is a very intense quick weight loss program especially designed for the morbidly obese as an alternative to gastric bypass.

The program is almost word for word 80-10-10 with a few exceptions, that Carlene Jones, the founder of rawfoodbootcamp.com has come to discover through experience with her many, many successful clients.

At bootcamp, the food is simple raw vegan, whole fresh raw fruits and veggies, low fat, no salt, no oil, but there are also a few other guidelines. I've talked often about the 1 banana a day rule. I've mentioned that dates and agave are forbidden on the program. I've alluded that corn is something to be watched. And this mornings weigh in, though a good loss, left me a little wanting, and wondering if something I'm doing is really holding up my losses.

I love raw fresh corn on the cob. But, is eating it slowing my weight loss? I've eaten it for the last two days.

I am so greedy! For all of this hard work, i want to maximize my results and not keep doing something that will hold up what i want. GOOD WEIGHT LOSS!

I adjust that 250 weight on my doctors scale DAILY, and i KNOW that in a matter of DAYS, i could be FOREVER done with even TOUCHING that weight. I want to BREAK 250 and be done with it for good. I want to start adjusting that big 200 lb scale weight. Won't THAT be something?

You know, when i weighed over 400, we had to invest in our expensive Doctors scale because our bathroom scale could no longer weigh me.

And sometimes i have to pinch myself that i don't weigh in the 300's anymore. One day recently in noting my weight on the blog, i wrote '359' without thinking. It was only later i realized, 'hey, i don't weigh in the 3's anymore!' and i joyously fixed my error.

Nevertheless, that 200 scale weight is calling me and i want to be able to get there.

Let's see what Carlene has to say about other foods rawfoodbootcamp.com restricts:

Corn and Hard Veggies
I have found that corn and hard veggies such as winter squash, potatos and sweet potatos slow down weight loss. If you eat these, keep your eye on them. I personally recommend that you skip these foods while a member of RFBC.

Vinegar
Vinegar is another product that seems to stall weight loss for many women. I can't say why, all I know is from experience. I would recommend not using it while at RFBC. As far as I know the only raw vinegar is raw apple cider vinegar.

What? No Dates
This is another contention among raw foodists. Again those that are naturally thin can eat as many dates and other high sweet fruits as they want. At Boot Camp they just don't fit in. Most of us at Boot Camp if not already over the border are borderline diabetics. We can't handle the high fruit. Maybe someday after you've been raw for a while a date now and then won't spike your blood sugar, but for now while you are losing the weight, they are off the diet. That means no power bars and most of the raw food goodies that are on the market today. Another reason they are off the program is that for those who love their dates, it seems it is all they ever eat. We are about changing our eating habits, not substituting them with raw food choices. To check your favorite fruits Glycemic Index (GI) go to www.glycemicindex.com and click on their database. Make sure to check a food's Glycemic Load (GL) as well - you'll find an explanation for how this works at the site. For some foods like watermelon, its high GI is countered by its low GL making it a very favorable food at Boot Camp.

Rawfoodbootcamp.com has become an amazing support to me on my journey!

I have also emailed Carlene from time to time and she has been kind enough to reply and help when i needed it.


LOVING SUPPORT
I had done the bootcamp program for several weeks and achieved good success on it, however, Carlene's style is dictatorial and somewhat blunt, callous, abrasive, nearing on abusive. Ultimately her style didn't 'work' for me. Some people need that. I need more 'loving' care, as i give myself on this blog. I don't think you hear me beating myself up alot, or ever, and i'm better for it. It would be cool to run a program like Carlene's, but for people who don't need so much abuse.


SINGING DEMO
I'm off later this afternoon to create recordings of me singing at Forge Recording studio: http://www.forgerecroding.com/ to be showcased on a myspace.com page. Since i will be singing at the Raw Union: http://www.rawunion.com/, i think i need to have a place where other people who may want to hire me to sing can go and get an earful of what i can provide them. I'd love to sing more weddings, more parties, events, even funerals. I have sung in funerals and people have responded very emotionally to my singing. Music can be a very deeply healing help during the mourning process.

I'll soon be reporting where you can hear me sing! For now, you can view a youtube that was shot at Arnolds Way: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLwSysYvZRY

Off for my walk and to meet Cliff! He just left for his bikeride!

FOOD/ACTIVITY

PRE-WALK SNACK: 1/2 frozen banana, 2 glasses water.

EXERCISE: 45 minute walk. Needed to keep it short as i had to record singing today. Didn't want to be too tired.

LIQUID: Unsweetened icedtea, 2 glasses water.

BREAKFAST: Green Smoothie that was actually BROWN! Baby Romaine leaves, 2 fresh mangos, diced, 1/2 banana, 1.5 cups strawberries. Was okay! Filled up almost the entire vitamix. I drank most of it.

SNACK: Leftover smoothie, baby carrots

LIQUID: 2 bottles of water while recording

DINNER: Gross raw soup, but i ate it. And i'm satisfied. But i didn't enjoy it. Blenderized tomato, carrot, beet, purple cabbage, mushrooms, 1 tsp of cashew butter, celery, juice of 1/4 lemon, 2 cups water. I cut 1 ear of corn into the soup when it was complete, sliced up a few mushrooms and threw those in as garnish, sliced up more celery thinly and threw that in as a garnish, and a tiny bit of chopped parsley. This was NOT GOOD!!! Don't make it!! But i'm full. It was a big serving.

SNACK PLAN: I'd love to finish off the 1/2 medium watermelon sitting in the fridge, but maybe Cliff will want some. We shall see!

xoxoxox, Michelle JOY

The Raw Union, the 'itchies' and unexpected gains!

Beginning Raw Vegan Weight: 425

Beginning Blog Weight: 277

Weight Yesterday: 253.5

Weight Today: 254

Today’s Loss: +.5

Total Blog Loss: 23 lbs in 1 day shy of 3 weeks!

NEW GOAL: 249 - only 5 lbs away!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Greetings on this dreary humid and rainy Philadelphia morning!

HOW I COPE WITH 80-10-10ing IN A RAW CAFE
For those of you who don't know, I am a raw vegan chef at Arnolds Way Raw Vegetarian Cafe' and Education Center in Lansdale, PA. http://www.arnoldsway.com/

Arnolds Way is such a fabulous awesome place and I love it. But working in a raw kitchen has been really challenging for me as a compulsive eater. Raw bread gallore, nut spreads at my fingertip, burgers ready to grab and gobble. My work days in the kitchen at Arnolds Way have always been filled with compulsive non stop snacking.

Until I started 80-10-10.

On 80-10-10, my choices are severely limited, and veggies and fruits are NON-STIMULATING. I eat when i get HUNGRY now, instead of eating when i want to EXCITE MY TASTEBUDS. It's really pretty ground breaking for such a voracious chronic binge eater as myself, to have been COMPLETELY released from that compulsion to eat. As long as i steer clear of all offending foods. My worst offending food is salt. I bloat like there's no tomorrow if i even LOOK at salt. On 80-10-10, fat is severely limited. As long as i follow the guideline of 10% fat or less, I'm good.

Controlling my banana intake and my date/agave intake is an idea from www.rawfoodbootcamp.com to help me, as a morbidly obese person, lose weight quicker.

I was such a good little girl at work yesterday. I didn't taste ONE THING!

At Arnolds Way, we use olives and olive oil and celtic salt and nama shoyu in our dishes. Although Arnold and Arnolds Way are HUGE supporter of 80-10-10, many of our dishes are aimed to appeal to a wider audience of raw foodists, who appreciate salt and fat and flavor. If we served bland 80-10-10 dishes to people unaccostomed to the natural taste of unseasoned raw foods, many would be turned off. So, season, we do. I don't see anything wrong with it. We'll soon be creating a menu of strict 80-10-10 dishes because so many of us at the store are 80-10-10ing.

As a RAW CHEF on 80-10-10 where salt and oil are OUT, what am i left to do when making a dish containing salt and oil....How do i make sure it is seasconed properly? Well, I can no longer TASTE dishes to check their seasoning. I have to just trust my cooking common sense, trust my senses, like my sense of smell, and use my common sense, my cooking common sense.

I seemed to luck out despite not being able to taste yesterday, even when i made 'special', off the menu dishes for customers. I had prepared a special raw marinara sauce for a customer and when delivered the completed dish to her table, i simply explained to her that i couldn't taste the sauce as i was on a 'diet', and I wanted to make sure everything tasted alright, so 'please let me know if your dish is too salty or not salty enough, or needs to be adjusted in any way, and i'll fix it for you'. The girl was pleasnt, tasted it, and told it was delicious. So, there, who needs to taste?

I also found plenty of willing taste testers to help with my other special dishes that we'll feature this week. I made raw pesto that we top pizza with, and a sauce called 'Spicy Thai Sauce' (totally UN-80-10-10-ish as it is ALL cashews with fresh ginger and garlic). The marvelous "DJ Shamrock", Tim, was my main go-to-taste tester the entire day. God bless him! He really helped out and i am very appreciative. 'Tim....can you do me a favor....again....? Can you just taste this? Is it too salty? too lemony? too spicy? too garlicy? too gingery? too thin?' I assaulted him with questions and little niblets to test out. I took his advice and made the adjustments! Today people said the sauces were delicious. So there! Who says "I" have to taste?

Being a chef, the 'tounge' and how food tastes is EVERYTHING. Well, maybe it's not EVERYTHING, but it's ALMOST EVERYTHING. Or so i thought.

I've always been very fond of telling clients that i 'cook to taste'. I suppose i should now say that i 'used' to cook by taste. Shame, shame, shame on me. (Did you ever watch Hell's Kitchen? You know what a verbal lashing the contestents receive from the abusive, but sexy Ramsey if they don't taste EVERYTHING before it reaches the customer!) I have always been adament about tasting. If something tastes good and balanced to ME, then i figure, it will appeal to everyone else. And so far, everyone loves the creative gourmet raw dishes that my taste buds led me to come up with.

I have been blessed with a sensitive tounge or a good 'palate', a good sense of taste, as Ramsey, would say, and i have used that to my advantage, in creating raw dishes.

BUT, i've also ABUSED that palate. I've so gotten lost in TASTING, that i made myself sick and gain weight. That's not good.

Now that i'm NOT tasting, it is more challenging to cook raw for customers, but also strangely freeing. Instead of small tastes escalading into outright chowing down all day/tasting everything just to revel in the glory of TASTE, I have an army of taste testers i'm constantly hounding....things STILL come out tasting GOOD, and i'm LOSING WEIGHT...AND....i've completely STOPPED BINGE EATING. Yay!

Let them taste the food...so it doesn't end up on my hips! ~A moment on the lips, forever on the hips~

The fact that Arnold is a HUMONGOUS supporter of the 80-10-10 diet makes doing the program at Arnolds Way really a snap, though. There is fruit everywhere. As workers, we are permitted to eat for free while working. That meant all of the fatty salty stuff before, but now it means banana-less shakes, grapefruits or oranges or fresh veggie salads or fresh spiralized spaghetti. It is always within reach. What a blessing! Thank you Arnold!

It is so GOOD to say that I've changed from grabbing the stuff that sets me 'off' ....to the stuff that keeps me on track!

FAT, BANANAS AND LOSING WEIGHT
I don't know what came over me yesterday, but I forewent the one banana i am permitting myself, and did not even partake in any cashew butter or tahini or avocado. I was really wanting a good loss and KNEW the way to do it!

Man, was I was set for a GREAT LOSS THIS MORNING as i hopped on the scale!!!!

I gained a half a pound.

If I were a scientist, i would be very confused right now. But, alas, there are MORE variables to this thing than fat and bananas alone.

EXERCISE
Yesterday, i had to leave for work extra early and did not make enough time to do my walk.

I had planned on doing Yoga last night, too. It's just a nice stretching class, but it would have been something. But i was dog-tired after work, and because i had gotten to work so early, i was finished my day by 5:30. Yoga is at 6:30, so i scadaddled outta there just in time to miss it, on purpose. I was too tired. I had been up since 4:45a.m.

I've become a certifiable early riser.

Saving exercise for the evening as an early riser is definitely a very very bad idea. It's TOO easy to just say 'ehhh, i don't feel like it' because i am genuinely tired.

Cliff will be up soon and we are going to get out and get an early start. I don't have to be to work until 10a.m., so i'll have plenty of time.

CANDIDA UPDATE
It's kind of disconcerting that my body has become so sensitive to overconsumption of fat. I can't quite believe that ONE AVOCADO gave me a yeast infection.

Yeast infections have been an ongoing occurance for the last several months since i've been 80-10-10ing. Whenever I overconsume fat, I get the burning and the itching in my cooch and in my heinie hole. This is not pleasant!! I feel as if my body is AT WAR WITH ME or AGAINST ME.

But when i really think about it, i think it's my body's way of saying, 'hey, honey, you do not NEED all of that FAT! you may WANT it, but you don't NEED it, ' and that my body is really working to try to HELP me shed the pounds and RID itself of the FAT. It doesn't really WANT or NEED any extra. Just enough to live and be well. It's like my body knows excess fat is not good for me.

That kinda sucks. Now i have to be responsible.

RAW WEDDING UPDATE
I'll be leaving next Thursday for Oregon for the Raw Wedding! I'll be singing: 'Ave Maria' and 'Climb Ev'ry Mountain' at the ceremony on Sunday eve, as well as some romantic slow tunes at the reception afterwards - 'unforgettable', 'my funny valentine', 'cheek to cheek', 'wind beneath my wings', 'can you feel the love tonight' and 'at last'.

At some point during the festival, i've been promised the opportunity to tell my story, and hopefully i can sing an aria then, too. I'll be dissapointed if i don't get to share some of my opera as well!

My friends, Meredith http://www.therawseed.com/ and Dustin, her husband, http://www.dustinkellogg.com/ are driving from Colorodo to attend the event!!! I'm so excited to have friends coming! I'm sure i'll need some hugs as nerves will no doubt get to me!

Meredith and Dustin just moved to Colorodo and are LOVING it! They are a rawesome couple, and being raw foodists are more than a little dissappointed to have discovered that there are zero raw restaurants in the Boulder area.

Well, little Ms. Meredith, the most talented raw chef I know, will just have to OPEN ONE!!! I know i'll be hearing about that from her...soon!

THE RAW WEDDING - HOW WILL I DEAL WITH THE FOOD?
There is going to be 'gourmet' food galore at the festie, and as the 'gourmet' wreaks havoc on my reflux laryngitis, swelling my vocal cords, i'll not be partaking of any before i sing. I am staying with some Arnolds Way customers, who coincidentally moved to Oregon, and plan on marketing and stocking their house with plenty of fruit and greens for myself, and then packing my food for the festival.

Sadly, being that i sing Sunday night at the end of the festival, that pretty much wipes out any fun gourmet hogfests i might have had on Saturday or Sunday during the day. rats.

Sunday night at the raw wedding buffet, HOWEVER, after i sing, PERHAPS, i'll 'treat' myself? Could i? should i?

I may have the itchies on the plane ride home.

Hm. Let's weigh this out. Vaginal comfort. Gourmet fun. Vaginal comfort...gourmet... Which will be the winner? We shall see!!!

My gown that barely fit last summer is falling off of me. I bought a new gown 2 weeks ago, and the bust area is huge on me now after only 2 weeks of blogging weight loss success. For a big person, i have little boobies. (I'm a pear). They make all of these big girl gowns assuming we're all as mammorially well endowed as Aretha Franklin. I may wear the one that's falling off of me, but just use the little support strap that came with it.

If you look really close, i'm in the Festie banner above, toward the left, down below, in my gown!

FOOD / ACTIVITY

BR: Mango Strawberry Smoothie: 1 banana, 2 fresh ripe mangos, a few strawberries, 1 tsp coconut flakes. Was yummy.

EXERCISE: 1 hour 10 min walk in the light drizzle. Deceptively good work out. Not many hills today, tried to keep it on level streets, to rest, since i had to work today.

LIQUID: 1 large unsweetened mango iced tea. 2 glasses of water.

SN: Green Smoothie at work: 1/2 bag spinach, pineapple and mango. no dates/agave

LN: big chopped salad: LOTS of mushrooms, 1/4 avocado (my fat for day), red pepper, red onion, celery, carrot, zucchini, cilantro, garlic, ginger, tomato. Pulse chopped w/S blade in cuisinart. YUMMMM. No salt or oil and yummo.

SN: Tart cranberry Smoothie: cranberries, green grapes, mango, pineapple. After i got used to the tartness, DELISH!

DN: At home: Fresh whole mushrooms, fresh whole tomatoes, 2 ears of raw corn. Lovely!

SN: 1/2 medium watermelon

Blessings!

xoxo michelle joy

BLOG GOAL SUCCESS!

Beginning Raw Vegan Weight: 425

Beginning Blog Weight: 277

Weight Yesterday: 255

Weight Today: 253.5

Today’s Loss: -1.5

Total Blog Loss: 23.5 lbs in 2 weeks and 5 days! I met my goal!! YAY!!!

NEW GOAL: 249 - only 4.5 lbs away!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ah, sweet success! Some cute happy pictures that express joy on such a joyous day! (Cliff took these last summer in the Allentown, PA park we love. I was about 40 lbs heavier than today.)

I met my goal and even sailed past it! 23.5 pounds lost! It only took a hell of a lot of work, walking my ass off, an emotional rollercoaster ride of discouragement, frustration and lots of joy, tons of self-deprivation of fat and salt and bananas to undo the damage i did in 2 weeks...in almost 3 weeks, but i finally made it! YAY!

Whew, please remind me to NEVER DO THAT TO MYSELF AGAIN! From now on, i'm looking forward, i'm staying on the straight and narrow. I'm going to keep up the routine i've been doing until i meet my next goal of 249!

MORE DISCUSSION OF CONTROLLING FAT ON 80-10-10
My off-blog discussions about FAT with Pat Umble, a long term raw foodist and 80-10-10er have really been so tremendously supportive. Pat is a normal weight person, yet SHE too struggles with the fat. Let's hear from Pat:

"Hi Michelle,

How are you feeling with adding a little fat back into your diet? I love tahini blended with orange juice as a dressing, I am sure it would be good with lemon juice also. Do you find that having a little bit of fat makes you want more fat or are you happy with a small amount? I try to be happy with a small amount, but I don't always succeed. It is definitely not the easy road to travel, but I do know that my body feels much better on low fat and I have tons more energy. If I pig out on fat then my body feels tired and lethargic. But I also have to say that that damn fat is so good tasting!! I wish it would taste like crap so it would be easier to give up!"

Yes, Pat, eating a little more fat has been challenging. When i eat a little, i DO want more. It is definitely a battle of mind over matter, but i'm glad to be doing it. Having given up massive banana intake, i cut that down drastically from 10 a day to 1/2 or 1 a day, i need SOMETHING, some sort of fat, otherwise i am STARVING.

Nevertheless, controlling the fat IS challenging. The first day i added fat in, i had 1 tsp of raw tahini mixed up in a oil free/salt free dressing. Not bad. The second day, the tsp had grown to heaping, and later i ate an entire avocado. The third day, the tsp had morphed into a Tbsp and after my salad, all i wanted was ANOTHER ONE! But, i ate some watermelon and seemed to be sated for the meantime.

Yes, if a little bit makes us want more, then eating more, as in a gourmet raw meal, would CERTAINLY make ME want even more.

MORE DISCUSSION IF ADDING GOURMET IN IS WISE
In trying to decide if it's actually POSSIBLE to add back a 'gourmet raw treat meal' here and there, something tells me to PROCEED WITH CAUTION!

Perhaps it is NOT in my best interest to think i can 'have a raw gourmet treat meal' and that it will STOP THERE. In my RECENT history, it has NEVER stopped with one meal.

It USED to when i was back at the raw retreat. But, i don't think i knew any better then. I just thought anything RAW was LEGAL and felt GREAT about eating ANYTHING! God, i wish for those days back!!!!

Now, I KNOW what EXCESSIVE FAT and SALT do to me, they stimulate me so much, that i have TOO OFTEN gone off on a bender. I have been completely EXCESSIVE, so it's been almost impossible sometimes to PULL BACK and just be CONTROLLED. But, that ultimately that IS my goal. I think. Yeah. God, that would be AMAZING.

CAN I GET TO THE PLACE WHERE I USED TO BE where i can eat a raw gourmet meal...and be done with it...and get right back on 80-10-10?

It would be SO nice!

Well, it would be a CHALLENGE. When i eat my salads now with the little bit of fat, i always have an internal struggle afterwards wanting more and feeling strangely deprived afterwards that i 'can't' or choose not to have anymore.

I've made my weight loss and gaining CONTROL now the priority....and not my 'tongue' anymore. I'm gaining in MOUTH MATURITY!!!

I know I would gain from the gourmet treat.

But, i'm sure i would lose it again, as i did lose the extra weight plus more that i gained from the avocado. So there.

DOES EATING EXTRA FAT OR A GOURMET MEAL SHOCK THE METABOLISM INTO EVEN LOSING MORE?????????
Wait a second. Perhaps eating the avocado HELPED me in losing more. ?????

This is something i haven't contemplated in a long time. Can a fatty meal ultimately HELP the body to shed pounds?

I HAVE heard that the body likes a CHANGE every once in a while and that it gets in ruts. Perhaps a little EXTRA fat now and again shocks the metabolism into action?????????!!!! Wouldn't THAT be exciting?

You see, at the retreat where i was for 8 months, I used to play a little game like that with myself. I had a routine i got on where i would indulge and then cut back for several days. It really seemed to work. I had forgotten about that!

What happened was, I joined Weight Watchers, while in Lemon Grove, CA, so i could get that weight card logging my weekly weights. i didn't follow the Weight Watchers plan. I just joined strictly to be weighed. So, i distinctly remember the exact weekly losses.

How i would manage my gourmet meals was this: I would eat gourmet for 1-3 meals that week, maybe even more, i can't remember, but then for 3 DAYS BEFORE MY WEIGH IN, I RETURNED TO LOW FAT/SALT FREE eating. When i got weighed at Weight Watchers, i lost 3.5 pounds consistently every week.

I was also walking my ass off.

It was such a fine balance of low fat eating AND gourmet decadence. GOD i wish i could get back to a place of doing that AND be in control.


MY HUGE CHALLENGE CONTROLLING FAT/SALT WORKING IN A RAW KITCHEN
The problem is: i work at Arnolds Way and being in a raw kitchen where unlimited RAW BREAD is right there to grab and nut pate's are so easily within reach and raw burgers are easily grabbed and gobbled...

When i EAT the Fat, i crave the fat.

I have never been able to control myself at Arnolds Way UNLESS I AM DOING 80-10-10 strictly!

So, if i WERE to add back gourmet treats, it would take a LOT OF SELF CONTROL and a FIRM PLAN of 80-10-10 ONLY at work only to succeed.

LOOKING AHEAD/FUTURE PLANS
But that is SOOOO premature. At least 4.5 more pounds to lose 80-10-10ing. And then i'd like to get down to 240 before i contemplate adding back a restaurant meal. Man, will THAT be something!!!

FOOD
Worked today at Arnolds Way...didn't touch or TASTE a THING unless it was on my program!

BR: Humongous Green Smoothie: whole bag org. spinach, no banana, peaches, mangos, pineapple, no dates

SN: Chopped Mushroom Salad: S blade cuisinarted: mushrooms, red peppers, red onion, zucchini, celery, carrot. YUM. no salt. no fat.

LN: Zucchini Spaghetti with Tomato sauce: S bladed cuisinarted sauce: fresh tomato, garlic, red pepper, basil, marjoram, lemon juice. 1 Tbsp nutritional yeast. no salt. no other fat

SN: Humongous Fruit Smoothie: peaches, mango, pineapple, raspberries. no dates, no banana

DN: 2 pink grapefruits cut up

SN: 1/4 medium watermelon

No bananas today and no cashew butter/tahini, just a little nutritional yeast. Not so hungry. Never did walk today, got a late start and had to get to work early. Never went to yoga. No guilt actually - very tired, achy today. That was a HARD walk yesterday.

Sleep well!
xoxo michelle joy

One Foot In Front of the Other!

Beginning Raw Vegan Weight: 425

Beginning Blog Weight: 277

Weight Yesterday: 254 1/4

Weight Today: 255

Today’s Loss: + 3/4 lbs

Total Blog Loss: 22 lbs in 18 days! Only 1 lb to meet my 23 lbs blog goal!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

10:18 a.m. and i've accomplished more in one morning than I sometimes get done in a whole day! I've been up since 2:30 a.m., catching up on emailing while Cliff slept, and sending out the Arnolds Way weekly email, which takes me several hours to accomplish. At 8:00a.m. Cliff and I went out for our exercise, he, on his bicycle, and me, a very intense mostly uphill walk in Manayunk. Now i'm getting to my blog.

ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER - UPDATE ON WALKING
I tell you, when i started that walk this morning, i never imagined i would walk for an hour, or that i would do such a strenuous walk. I was overtired, overwhelmed, depressed and didn't feel like walking. 10 minutes into the walk, which i had given myself permission to be a light 30 mins stroll, my mood changed and i began to enjoy the adventurous new route i was taking...and i forgot that i felt bad, and i just kept moving forward, and literally up and up and up! I walked my ass off up hill, up hill, up hill, up hill. Why? I wanted to! I am getting strong! I don't know where all of this strength is coming from. Oh, yes, i do. It's RAW JOY POWER! I was able to forget about the emotional blah blahs and turn around what could have been a depressive zero of a morning.

As for the overwhelmed depressed state? I have a LOT to do. Dishes, laundry, vocalizing, getting ready for the raw wedding. But just as i put one foot in front of the other this morning and saw myself achieve what i never planned to, i, too, can put one foot in front of the other, break my chores down into small chunks and just pick, pick, pick away at it.

On the topic of exercise, let me just put in my two cents for SUPPORT FOR EXERCISE. If i did not have my darling partner, Cliff, to exercise with me every morning, i would NOT be having this much success at it. God bless my Cliffy and i'm so THRILLED that we have found a system that works for us for success. That's the way a good partnership should be. Both of us getting BETTER...and not worse!

Poopy UPDATE
Anyway, so i've been up since 2:30a.m. What woke me up at 2:30a.m.? Poopy patrol! I had to poop...at 2:30 in the morning! I suppose with all of the fiber i've been sending my body...it's just got to go when it's got to go.

FAT UPDATE
I DO notice something interesting. The more fat I eat, the less i sleep. I fell asleep at 9pm last night and slept 5 hours. Eating zero overt fat, i generally sleep 8 or even sometimes 9 hours. I think my body is in a detox then and needs the rest. The fat must stimulate the body somehow? It is now, however, 3:30pm and i am feeling pooped! A nap might just do the trick.

I'm happy to say that my +3/4 gain didn't effect my mental state for TOO long this morning. I was a bit discouraged and disheartened, but I just got on with my exercise and then took some new pictures (above), (these are fresh off the presses, just shot this morning)...and in examining the pictures, i felt so much better. I really see that my body, lower body specifically, is looking better and looking trimmer. I see that i am losing INCHES and that joyous realization overrode the weight gain funk!

I did eat that whole avocado yesterday, and it's amazing to me that doing that alone would produce a weight gain when my overall calories were no more than even 1500.

This is certainly a learning experience. And I am becoming a pro at just rolling with the punches. Some days are even, but many are up and down emotionally. I guess this is how real people live. You just learn to adjust and go with the flow!

In documenting this challening experience, losing weight on raw (that shouldn't really be rocket science, but it turns out to be a lot harder for some than others), I hope to really solidify what works for me, and what will hopefully work for other morbidly obese people, seeking a 'way out' of the hopelessness. The perplexing part is that what works CHANGES over time!

* * * *Candida Alert* * * * - My body now sends me signals when it's taken in too much fat, or taken in something it doesn't particularly like. If i eat too much fat, I start to get itchy down "there" (and in my heinie hole)! So, I woke up itchy this morning! scratch, scratch! The body communicates to us!

THE PERPLEXITY OF THE GOURMET TRANSITION IN TERMS OF WEIGHT LOSS I was able to lose 140 lbs eating sunflower seed cheese at least 2 or 3 times a day, extra raw crackers, 4 course fatty meals at gourmet raw restaurants SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK in the beginning 8 months of my journey. And I chowed down when i went out! And i just kept losing and losing and losing.

But, I think the body goes through different phases. When i began, i was coming from a diet so high in calories, my caloric intake was probably 5,000-10,000 calories a day that eating guacamole became a 'diet' food compared to 5 double cheese burgers. Now avocado is a weight gain food. Aren't i lucky? 2.5 years into raw, and things certainly HAVE changed in what i can eat and how it affects my weight.

I hear this pattern with many raw foodists - when they first go raw, they eat alot of nuts and fat and still lose weight, as i did, it just dropped off of me, but then, something happens, and the body says, 'okay, i've had enough.'

I was also doing a tremendous amount of exercise daily in my first 8 months of raw.

After the first 8 months of eating the raw retreat diet (raw vegan moderate fat in the form of seeds, no salt, no nuts, no olive oil) with sometimes DAILY and always WEEKLY trips to 'Cilantro', the neighborhood gourmet raw hotspot, I returned home, and began to work at Arnolds Way while still working out daily. That's when the really out of control eating began. But curiously enough, the exercise from 8 months of constant walking, swimming, i suppose had kicked my metabolism into such overdrive that i could literally pig OUT ALL DAY, and i STILL was losing weight! I came home from the raw retreat 285 and lost another 10 lbs completely pigging out non stop.

As the exercise cooled down, I gained back the 10 lbs and started to get kinda desperate. This was my first attempt at something akin to 80-10-10, David Klein's all banana diet for 2 weeks and lost 20 lbs bringing me to my lowest weight then of 265lbs. After i went off of the banana diet, i gained back the 20lbs almost overnight.

And for the next year, i ate and ate and ate and ate...and stayed the same weight. Every morning, 285ish. It was FREAKY and BIZARRE.

Then i began to feel tired every afternoon, and then every morning and the exercise had LONG SINCE died out completely months and months ago, but i was still packing in the fatty fatty gourmet pate's and crackers all day, and i began to gain. And gain. And gain. I went from 285 to 299 rather rapidly. That's when i said to myself, 'that's it. something has to change.'

That's when i found Dr. Graham's 80-10-10. I mean Arnold had been counseling me to go that route since i MET him, but i just didn't want to listen. I loved the gourmet stuff too much. But after gaining and gaining, i gave up. With 80-I0-10 I lost rapidly and was thrilled, only to return to gourmet for a treat a month later. Well, that ONE treat ended up into 3 days of non stop gourmet binge eating. The next time on 80-10-10 i lost what i gained back and then when i went off for a 'gourmet treat meal', THAT treat lasted an entire WEEK of out of control gourmeting. This last time, i really went nuts, literally, on nuts, and ended up gaining 23 lbs in two weeks. THAT WAS MORTIFYING.

[I do NOT want that to happen again. That's why i created this blog. To try to find a balance, to try to bridge the gap between what was literally 'dieting' and 'bingeing'.]

Although i'm STILL tending to believe it is the FATTY SALTY FOOD that overstimulates me and precedes binge eating, RATHER than emotional upset. Perhaps i am totally mistaken!

I started out wanting to learn to eat it in moderation, but everything says to me i should just learn to GIVE IT UP. Why play with FIRE?

Oh, god, such a sad pallor comes over me when i even think of that, giving up the gourmet for good.

For today, i'm 80-10-10ing. The future...is the future. One day at a time. I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other!

BREAKFAST: 1/2 Vitamix full of a strawberry peach slushee:

• strawberries frozen
• 6 lousy tart peaches that never ripened, water.

Not even slightly delicious, but isn't that cool that that's still cool with me now? Pretty neat. it's a new level of maturity. MOUTH MATURITY!!! The ability to eat for HEALTH rather than PLEASURE alone. Pretty amazing.

SNACK: 2 very small cobs of corn

SNACK: 1 mango in the car

SNACK: rest of leftover slushee

LINNER: 1 large salad with cashew dressing, and 1/4 of a small watermelon for dessert. Here's the salad ingredients:

• lots of baby romaine
• 1 tomato cut up
• 1 Tbsp of cashew butter mixed in 1/8th cup of water
• Black pepper
• garlic powder
• juice of 1/2 large lemon
• 2 Tbsp of nutritional yeast

I fork mixed salad with dressing very well and that's that. Enjoyed it, uy, too much. Would have been divine with salt. God, Fatty things drive me NUTS. I still WANTED something afterwards. Rather than indulging in more fat, i cracked open a small watermelon to happily find it was ripe and red and juicy and sweet. 1/4 of the watermelon was dessert and i was satisfied.

SNACK: 1/2 watermelon

SNACK: 3 cups strawberries frozen, 1 banana made into a slushee.

xoxox michelle joy