FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET!!! The Realities of Weight Loss

Okay, folks, how ya doin'?

I woke up this morning super early...with last night's phone call with Carlene on my mind.

I was dissappointed over the speed of my weight loss.

You know me, this blog is peppered with quick losses of 20 lbs in a week. I'm all about losing quickly. But then again, i realize everytime i lose it quickly...i gain it back even quicker.

So, Carlene and I discussed the realities of how fast I could lose weight doing what i'm doing (about 50% raw, very low fat, 1700 cals a day, 1 hour of walking daily).

My goal is to lose 75 lbs...and to weigh 199!!!! Wow...i'll be in the 1's!!!

I expected to be there by June. Carlene said, doing what i'm doing, it would take closer to a YEAR!

A YEAR??????!!!!!

That really got me thinkin'. Is eating cooked all it's cracked up to be? Or was i better off before?
And, how much did i ever really lose before doing 80-10-10? And...do i want to lose those next 75 lbs only eating, basically, fruit? Or eating cooked greens and lentils?????

Before i see what i did before, i'd like a quick check on what i'm doing now.

I've been working with Carlene now for 3 weeks. Next week is our last week together,unless i renew my work with her.

Week one, i lost 13.5lbs. I went from eating fried mozzerella sticks, french fries, fried onion rings, pizza, donuts, spring rolls, Singapore rice noodles with fried tofu......to a Whole Foods diet of fresh veggies, fruit, almost zero fat and salt, some lentil beans, 1/2 of my intake cooked.

Cooking veggies seems like such a 'logical' thing to do when you are attempting to go low fat. A giant plate of raw broccoli sans cashew sauce or raw mushrooms, left unmarinated, or a big bowl of spring mix without the slippery oily dressing just does NOT appeal to me. And i had tried to lose weight just eating gourmet raw moderately. Nothing happened.

Week two, i lost 4 lbs.

Week three, i lost 1.5 lbs.

That's when i started to get a little discouraged. Imagine, walking out in the blizzard, getting up to go to the mall to race walk for an hour or walk outside in the freezing cold...DAILY..., sauteeing your veggies in their own juices, bypassing the salt and oil,...and see if 1.5lbs a week is enough for YOU!!!

I know 3 people right now who have lost LARGE amounts of weight, no 4 people, eating gourmet raw. How did THEY do it...if to lose 1.5 lb, i can't even eat barely a trace of fat????

1) Dustin Kellogg - Scroll down to check out his new pic in his new courderoy's (homemade by his wife) on http://www.therawseed.com/. He is literally half of his former self and is down about 100 lbs. His wife is a gourmet raw chef, and he gets to indulge in fantastical raw gourmet food, AND lose weight? Why is God so unfair? I do know that Dustin DAILY drinks large amounts of green juices and has reported to eating food only 1-2x a day after juicing all morning. His caloric intake might very well, then, be restricted. I also know that Dustin does not binge eat like i do, and as a matter of fact, he may very well not even OVEREAT like i do.

2) Tim Arnold - Yes, Tim runs about 10 miles a day, but he also eats banana whips made with 10 bananas a night, and devours rock sea salt like it's going out of style. Tim's wife, Leslie, is a wonderful raw cook, so he is definitely NOT denying himself. Tim is down 100 lbs and looks like a completely different person from the pudgy, pale person i first met. I do know, however, that Leslie and Tim do NOT use oil on their salads at home, so it might be quite possible their diet is relatively low fat, although it is "gourmet raw," salted with seasoning. I suppose gourmet raw can run the gamut from LOW FAT to INTENSELY HIGH FAT. Leslie soaks all of her seeds and nuts and uses soaked sunflower seeds, low in fat (and cost), as the base for most of her dressings. Their diet consists of smoothies, nori wraps, salads and treats such as chia pudding, banana whips and pies. They don't overeat, i have eaten with them often.

3) Lisa Maguire - Lisa, an Arnold's Way customer, lost 75 lbs eating what she calls 'regular raw...in 4 MONTHS! It's like she just melted before our eyes. Amazing! I do know, however, that Lisa ALSO does not use oil in her raw diet, either. It's quite possible calorically she is not eating that much and her diet may not be super high fat, either. Anyway, here is an amazing video on her: http://www.youtube.com/arnoldsway#p/u/16/rvXknFSVkPU that i shot at Arnold's Way. Lisa may also not be an overeater and she does not binge.

4) ME! I lost 140 lbs in 8 months incorporating MANY gourmet raw meals into a VERY low fat salt free raw diet at the raw retreat i attended for those 8 months. When i came home from O.H.I. http://www.optimumhealthinstitute.org/, i continued to lose weight even as i stuffed myself daily with cashew pate and raw bread, binge eating DAILY. How the heck did i accomplish THAT feat? The weight loss, however, soon stopped when i stopped exercsing regularly, and soon i was gaining weight.

I'd like to interview the top 3 people and really SEE what they eat. Wouldn't THAT be enlightening?

As for me, I only began to lose weight again on raw when i started 80-10-10. And luck would have it, that that entire history IS this blog. Hello? Am i smart or WHAT to have documented all of this?

So, how much did i lose doing an all fruit, VERY low fat, no salt diet, with some veggies? Let's see. I'm going to go back and review my blog from day one (May, 2009).

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Okay, you know what? I am SO glad i've been keeping this blog. I just reviewed my blog entries from the start of this blog through all of june, when i sang at the RAW WEDDING UNION and weighed about 250.

250!!!!!! God, i looked GOOD!!!!

I had started this blog in May of 2009 weighing 277, 2 or 3 lbs more than i weigh now (how pathetic is THAT? Can you believe i got up to 293.5??? And now i'm only back to where i originally started from in May 2009??????)

In 4 weeks I lost 27 lbs eating lowfat raw/no salt.

My head is kind of spinning right now and i feel like i'm WAY NUTS for having started with the cooked food. It may be NICE to have a warm plate of spinach and lentils in the cold winter....but...is it REALLY WORTH IT??? The weight loss is slower. I didn't even exercise daily like i am now in the summer. I'm working HARDER for less outcome. I can't poop like i used to. Several mornings i've woken up to NOTHING, no poop. I used to poop SEVERAL times a day. Now, i'm lucky if it's once a day.

Eating low fat raw/no salt, i lost -
-15 lbs the first week (vs. now - 13.5 lbs 1/2 cooked)

-5.5 lbs the second week (vs. now - 4lbs 1/2 cooked)

-3 3/4 lb the third week (vs. now - 1.5 1/2 cooked)

-2.75 lbs the 4th week

-0 lbs lost week 5

+7.7 gain week six.....

Wooo...what happened there?? +7.7lbs?

I'm telling you it's truly amazing to read back on this blog. What happened was that at the raw wedding, i binged on gourmet raw. I don't know how i didn't manage to gain then, or i did and then lost it 80-10-10ing by the time i weighed in, but when i returned to work at Arnold's Way, i was consistently having issues with binge eating on gourmet raw.

My goal at that time switched from STAYING ON 80-10-10, to LEGALIZING gourmet raw.

Trying to "legalize" all of the salt and fat led to an almost 8 lb gain. Legalizing means trying to eat it and NOT binge. Well, i found i couldn't. i always succumbed to binge eating. It always came down to HIGH FAT AND HIGH SALT setting me off.

I never learned self control. I never learned i had better stop NOW because i wouldn't be able to stop later.

I refered to my month of 80-10-10 as "the glory days of 80-10-10" and commented "i was much better with what i was doing before."

So, pardone' moi my language, but what the fuck am i doing now???

This blog is called, "Pure Raw Joy" for a reason. Raw was a joy, a blessing. I just didn't know how to handle it. I added in cooked beans last September rationalizing that they were MUCH lower fat than cashews, and probably more digestable, too.

But, who said i had to eat cashews? Soaked sunflower seeds are low in fat.

I think i've mistakenly started to eat cooked food under the impression that i'd lose weight even FASTER than 80-10-10. But, i'm finding that's NOT the truth.

Quick Note - Bananas: The more bananas i ate, the slower i lost.

I think the blog really took a detour then for a long time and i tried to eat gourmet moderately and found i couldn't.

I'll go back and review that some other time, but what is truly amazing to me is how WELL i was doing last summer. I weighed 24 lbs LESS than i do now. God, looking back at those pictures makes me feel a little queezy in my stomach. Like, "Michelle....what are you DOING?" "What have you DONE?" Regret. Remorse.

I told Carlene, eating cooked would never have come into the picture had i not started with the beans in September. Then it was like a snowball rolling out of control. Pizza, eggrolls, onion rings.

When i would contemplate 80-10-10, it no longer HELD MY INTEREST.

But, reading about me doing it back then? I was certainly committed, having a good time, jazzed about losing so quickly, was looking good, MUCH better than i do now.

The only 2 drawbacks were: HAIRLOSS....and YEAST INFECTIONS when i would eat too much fat.

If i could put that aside and go back to 80-10-10 with no dates, low bananas, onlya little fat, i could theoretically lose 24 lbs in...only a few weeks?

Compare that to the 1.5 lbs a week Carlene said i should expect from now on doing what i'm doing. Uy vay. Can someone say, "Patience is a virtue," please?

What i said to her on the phone last night was, "I know i can lose weight fast on 80-10-10, but i always gained it back. I always fell off into gourmet raw huge fatty salty binges that i couldn't stop for weeks. So, i found 80-10-10 hard to maintain."

She said, "well, you STILL need to develop self control. You never did that."

No. I didn't. And you know what? I didn't really TRY all that hard to maintain 80-10-10. I saw it as a DIET and not a lifestyle.

When i started with Carlene, i was looking for a lifestyle i could happily LIVE with. Did i find it? I have been pretty happy. My hair isn't falling out. I don't get yeast infections. But, i am losing slower. And my identity as a raw foodist is shot.

Were i to reconsider and return to 80-10-10, i would do it differently. I would severely LIMIT 'treat's. I know now from MUCH experience that excessive Fat and Salt set me off.

If i NEVER would have been excessive and would have learned to take a little, i might have been 80-10-10ing (with some treats) up until now...and i might weigh 200 TODAY!!!!!

Last night, Carlene gave me a choice. "You can do what you're doing and lose 1 lbs a week and just LIVE like that forever. You WILL get thin, in two years. It will just take LONGER. OR, you can lower your calories and up your exercise and lose 2 lbs a week."

"Or, you can do low fat raw again (her label for 80-10-10), exercise 2.5 hours a day, and consistenly lose 3 lbs a week until you meet your goal. You could theoretically lose 75 lbs in 6 months doing that, or lose ALL of your excess weight, 105 lbs in a year instead of 2 years."

When Carlene said 'exercise 2.5 hours a day,' my jaw dropped. Exercise THAT much and only lose 3 lbs a WEEK? Well, i suppose 3 lbs a week IS pretty great...consistently. How much do people ever really lose on Weight Watchers? Like a pound a week? Usually people who have massive amounts of weight to lose don't do Weight Watchers...because it's too slow.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Well.....this whole exploration into my diet history, the numbers and the results of what i'm doing now is really....eye opening.

So, nu? What will i do?

My own blog entries of May and June 2009 so inspired me. I can't believe it was ME eating like that...lots of juicy fruit, lots of zucchini spaghetti, lots of smoothies, salads with a little tahini on it, gross raw blenderized soups that i didn't enjoy, but i tolerated.

I certainly ENJOYED it...when i got up and weighed myself the next day!!!

My problem was...when i went OFF of 80-10-10, i wasn't careful with HOW i went off. It became a free for all. I wasn't able to MANAGE going OFF. But, who's to say i couldn't do that....and work on THAT? But, use 80-10-10 as my base diet again? I certainly WAS doing better than i am now.

I weighed myself this morning and gained a lb! I'm so frustrated. Maybe it's just beans clogging my system. I didn't poop today. Don't get me wrong, i FEEL good. I'm just DISCOURAGED.

Looking back, I also ate quite a lot of bananas, but when i didn't the weight would FLY off.

So, what am i gonna do????

By eating cooked veggies and lentils and eggwhites and baked potatoes, did i really FIND my "best diet"? My work with Carlene is up next Tuesday.

Or did i already have my best diet before???? It just needed some modifications. And some hard won self control when it came to indulgences. Maybe i just indulged a little TOO much. An indulgence could be a BITE of raw pie, and not the whole thing. Or a bite of cashew pate and not 8 oz of it.

What will i do...what will i do?

I've set up an interview with Lisa Maguire already and have inquired about interviewing Dustin Kellogg and Tim Arnold, my 3 gourmet success stories from above. I think they will be enlightening.

xoxo michelle joy

The Coat is Getting Looser!

Here i am weighing 293.5...

Here i am weighing 274...

I was hoping I could see more difference between the two pictures, but when i look closely, I can see that my coat (the same coat as above in a different pattern) is not pulling around the belly and the buttons are now loosely laying against me, instead of stretched across me. Oh, well, at least I can see it!!!

My work with Carlene is going well! Somehow she really motivates me to exercise. I walk an hour or more a day without fail! Even in the cold, in the snow, in a blizzard, I get it in, no matter what! No excuses! And when i'm too tired or it's too late to walk outside or go to the gym? I've even done my hour - walking in place - in front of the TV to "CRIMINAL MINDS", my new favorite show!

I'm sure i'm losing inches, but the pounds have been slow going after the initial quick drop of 13 pounds in just a few days. I've lost about 19 lbs so far. It would be nice if it were quicker, but where really has quick weight loss ever gotten me?? I've done it here MANY times only to gain it back right away on a binge or a binge that never ends.

I'm accepting slower weight loss. What's the rush??? I haven't had ONE binge since i started the program with Carlene http://www.carlenejones.com/ to find my "perfect diet."

Everyday, I write my food in fitday.com, i journal, i mark down my exercise, i email her, and twice a week she calls me. Aside from Carlene's support and the support of www.fitday.com, i check in with myself...i try to pay attention...i try to address my needs, daily.

Foodwise, everyday i wake up to a big green smoothie and E3Live. After that, it migh be a chopped raw salad, or big leafy green salad with homemade hemp dressing, or just more fruit, or maybe my home cooked no salt/no fat lentil veggie soup, or an eggwhite omelette with tons of veggies, or a baked potato with 2 Tbsp of homemade hemp milk, garlic and steamed greens and lemon over it. Aside from that, I eat tons of fruit all day, a healthy lowfat dinner, and often just have fruit for dinner. Generally, i'm getting in somewhere between 1400-1700 cals a day, 50% raw, with no more than 30% fat.

For a Valentine's treat, Cliff took me out to ALL THE WAY LIVE, a raw food eatery in Germantown, Pa. http://www.alllivefood.com/ . I was able to have a wonderful meal there, but still stick to my guidelines for calories and fat.

[And by the way, isn't my Cliff a sweetheart? He wrote "CB loves MS" in the snow with his finger for his Valentine...ME...outside of the cafe'!!]

The raw apple pie is "to live for", and the salads are fantastic. My favorites are the quinoa salad (cooked), and all of the raw salads: corn salad, kale salad, seaweed salad, marinated mushrooms, cabbage slaw, sprouted wild rice salad.

When you order, you get a choice of 3 or a choice of 5 "plops" in a lovely wooden bowl. I ordered 5 plops of the salads i like. Delish!

Maybe next time i go, i'll try to reign myself in with 3 of the plops. After working up the numbers on www.fitday.com, a meal there is fattier than i've been eating. But, it's a nice treat for every once in a while.

There was a time when all i did was binge on raw gourmet food. Now, i'm learning to moderate myself, and make better choices. I'm so pleased!!! I used to eat 2 of the 5-plop meals myself, plus 2 desserts. And i'd order the fattier hummus. Now i choose the veggies. I'm improving....I'm getting better!!!

Though i've been 50% raw, I'm not married to it. I found eggwhites make me snore! So, they are now on the 'every once in a while' list. I'd like to continue to up my raw intake, but I'm on a discovery to see what WORKS for me.

Overall, I'm learning to make healthy choices, learning to honor my needs, and learning to keep treats within reason. This new plan has a goal of LOW FAT and LOW SODIUM for weight loss. But, i've found the plan has really eradicated my desires to binge. Amazing!

Plus, the amazing knowledge www.fitday.com imparts really helps me to make better choices. For instance, something like fried onion rings which i binged on non-stop before calling Carlene can cost me 700 calories, half of those in fat. They're just not something that should be on my food 'repertoire' anymore. Since they're over 30% fat, they should just not be for me. Bye bye!!!! The same goes for fatty raw nut pates and raw bread, something i can never stop munching on once i start. Nut pates are well over 50% fat. Shalom, my old lovers!

I run into problems constantly with these fatty/salty foods and have trouble taking just a little. And when i eat them, my desires for fat and salt escalate so, i just go bonkers. It's not unusual on a binge for me to eat 2 orders of fried mozzerella sticks, 1 order of onion rings, 1 cheesy mayonaisey boca burger wrap, plus a whole small pizza, washed down with 2 bottles of coke.

That's a 3,000 calorie "meal" right there, and half of the calories are from fat. You eat like that...and the next day, all you WANT and CRAVE is fatty salty food. You get it out of your system, and it's smooth sailing.

Something like a small banana whip, roughly 250-300 calories, makes a nice treat for me, now.

So, to summerize, in living in the grey, in having some healthy cooked and some healthy lowfat raw, in exercising daily and in making choices, but in giving myself healthy treats (within reason) when i need them, i've managed to HALT BINGE EATING COMPLETELY over the last weeks, and let go of some pounds, slowly. And letting go of overly salty and overly fatty foods has also cut the terrific cravings for these foods dramatically. WOW!

So, one day at a time, i'm still truckin!

I'd like to lose the next 74 lbs...and weigh 200...in time for an October wedding...MINE!!! Say HI to my darling, Cliff! He is my baby, my lovey, my friend, my companion, my support. I adore him!

xoxo michelle joy

These Boots Were Made For Walkin'!

Happy Snowy morning!

We've got over 3 feet of snow here in Philadelphia from 2 blizzards within the past weeks!

Yet, I'm still going strong with my program with Carlene...(www.carlenejones.com) Come wind, come rain, come snow...nothing can stop me!!!

I've been walking daily for an hour or more (even in the midst of a blizzard with snow absolutely PELTING my face so hard, it hurt!)! Often for well over an hour. Many times uphill. Lately wearing 10 lbs hiking boots with 4 layers of clothing on. I'm GETTING my exercise!

And you know what? For all of the effort it takes...it's WORTH it!!! May i never ever forget that!!! You know that feeling when you contemplate exercise and you say, "Nahh, i don't FEEL like it." Don't give into that. It's easy to WANT to, to remain inactive, but the cost of inactivity is really not worth it. You get fatter and more depressed and weaker everyday. Are you really happy?

I tell myself lately that thing about Pain. We feel pain either way. Either we feel the pain of being fatter and more out of shape and more depressed. Or we feel the pain of going up hill, of our muscles hurting, of our feet hurting, of regret, of facing ourselves and not liking it. We feel pain either way. When we exercise, that pain is at least going to GET US SOMEWHERE. And that somewhere is closer to our goals.

And, the high you get from actually accomplishing what you set out to do, the feelings of self esteem and empowerment you get after you're done is priceless. The pride you feel weighing yourself and seeing you lost another pound... IT'S ALL WORTH IT!

And, it FEELS good. And the more you do it daily, the easier and easier it gets. You know how when you start out to exercise again you feel like crap because you're muscles are so weak? You just need to get OVER that. Don't give up. Because if you stick to it, daily, you WILL get stronger and stronger and then, like i do now, you WANT to walk everyday. And when you see a hill, you won't want to avoid it, you WANT to climb it.

In the snow, Cliff and i have been walking on flat ground. I am incredlous that a walk on flat ground doesn't even FEEL like a walk to me anymore it's become so easy.

I experienced this wonderful euphoric feeling from exercise this past summer. Remember?

Who could have EVER thunk i'd be feeling this in the WORST winter Philadelphia has had!!! Cliff and I are making memories and bonding during all of these wonderful walks in the snow, even in a blizzard. We feel like kids! We have that child-like sense of adventure back!

One more note: i am ALSO unbelievably SHOCKED how quickly i've regained strength and have gotten fitter and fitter and fitter in just 2 WEEKS of daily walking. i feel like a new person.

I've lost 18.5 lbs since working with Carlene on "Finding my best diet." That's almost 2 sizes! (10 lbs a size). No wonder i feel like a new person. I'm looking like 'myself' again. Me at 293.5 didn't look good or make me feel good about me. Now that i'm 275 again, i'm back in the zone i was more comfortable with. It's a little frustrating to know that it will take about 1.5 months longer to get back t 250, but, i feel like i'm on a roll and want to continue what i'm doing.

I'm about 50% raw now. I used to be 100%, but somehow feel more normal now. The only way i could lose weight on raw anymore was to do 80-10-10. I really didn't LOVE that. I wish i could be like so many people i know and eat gourmet and lose weight. I invariably always succumbed to binge eating and couldn't lose weight.

I've said it once. I'll say it again. EVERYONE has to find their OWN way. What works for you may not work for me. What works for me may not work for you. Trial and error and lots of perseverance are key.

My energy is great, though, so i'm not really concerned at this point about the cooked food. For me being able to control myself is paramount, and since i am, i'm thrilled.

The only drawbacks to not being 100% raw are:
- being puffy in the morning (cooked food face)
- maybe losing my fertility (my boss, Arnold, says that if i stayed 100% raw i could be fertile into my 60's. i don't know how true that is, but since i'm not ready to have children yet at 42, i'd hate to go into menopause and lose my chance forever. there always is adoption, though)
- losing the respect of beloved friends who are 100% raw
- losing my identity as a raw foodist
- snoring lightly (as a 100% raw foodist i did not snore at all)

For the record, I've been drinking lots of green smoothies, eat lots of fresh fruit, lots of fresh veggies, keep my caloric intake from 1400-1800 on most days, (one day i had 2500), keep well below 30% fat (usually less than 10% fat), well below 3,000mg of sodium (usually zero), and take in about 20% protein.

The cooked part of my diet consists of tons of cooked veggies and lentil beans. But, lately, i've also been having eggwhites. And yesterday for the first time i had 1 cup of spelt pasta.

In some sense i feel like i'm on weight watchers. I have a caloric limit and certain guidelines for fat and salt and protein. I read labels. I make choices. I feel EMPOWERED. Rather than cooked being a bad evil thing for me at this point, i feel like i'm learning how to live long term....without binge eating.

For a binge eater to be eating sorta 'normal'...and not to be binge eating? Amazing.

If and when i do decide to go back to 100% raw, it will be a CHOICE. Not because i HAVE to, but because i WANT to. We shall see!

The things i can attribute my newfound sense of control are:
- the fact that i'm not taking in ANY SALT and barely any fat. Severely restricting these two substances has been the key so far in helping me stay in control. I actually enjoy bland veggies and bland soups now. And they don't get me so excited. It seems to be working
- having support, a coach, has been invaluable. we often disagree, but the support is immeasurably important to my success now
- using www.fitday.com. I write my food down during the day and then input into fitday at night. I also use the journal portion of fitday, as well as the activity tab to track my exercise. i highly recommend www.fitday.com!!!

xoxo michelle joy

Finding My Best Diet...How's It Going?

Hello there,

I'm really pleased to say that I am doing SO MUCH better than i had been. As you all know, I am a morbidly obese binge eater [I've lost 150 lbs] and I've been talking about my binge eating since the inception of this blog. I'm 42 and have been binge eating since high school, and i've been hospitalized 3x for Binge Eating Disorder.

When i was 100% raw these past 3 years, i was binge eating on gourmet raw. When i began eating some cooked food, it wasn't too long before i was binging on vegetarian junk food like donuts, pizza and spring rolls. I gained 38 lbs doing just that in only a short time. Previously, i'd gain 20-30 lbs binging on gourmet raw, and then i'd lose it by 80-10-10ing. It was 'fun' alright, but the resulting weight gain was devastating. Up and down. Up and down.

This last episode gaining almost 40 lbs felt DESPERATELY out of control. Cooked vegetarian binge food is EVERYWHERE...on every corner: french fries, fried onion rings, donuts, pizza, chinese food. I couldn't stop...and i didn't WANT to. I was desperate to find a solution.

I tried many things including going back to 100% raw gourmet several times, then i fell off into cooked vegetarian junk food again and again, before feeling entirely hopeless and contacting Carlene Jones of www.carlenejones.com.

Carlene has lost 140 lbs and is maintaining her weightloss eating a mostly raw diet, which includes lots of fruit, little fat and salt and cooked vegetables. What else she eats i'm not sure of, but what i DO know is what she told me, "I know what i can eat at home, i know what i can eat when i go out, and i know what i must never take in the house." Coming to a place of such control is what i want, too.

Carlene has found her way, remains in control most of the time, exercises daily, and now tries to help other women overcome obesity and binge eating using a low fat, low sodium diet, yet remains 'realistic' about binge eating. Carlene says, "Even skinny people binge. I've never seen a Sandra Bullock movie where she doesn't take a cake out of the fridge and eat the entire thing." The key, she says, is to confine the binge eating. For me, my interpretation is that if i'm going to binge, i'm going to binge, but i can learn to binge on zero calorie food...like cooked veggies.

Because Carlene is high raw many of her clients choose high raw diets or half raw, and some, no raw. I had to ask myself,"What's healthier, staying fat and binge eating gourmet raw for the rest of my life and never losing another pound, or maybe including some low fat cooked food to help me lose weight and at least...confine...binge eating?" It's easy to eat a huge bowlfull of steamed veggies without dressing, but a giant plate of raw broccoli not drowned in cashew thai sauce? Not too appetizing.

Carlene still runs a website called www.rawfoobootcamp.com, which promotes an 80-10-10-like sodium free almost fat free raw diet - 100% raw, all fruit, greens and barely any fat. Many women, in fact, have lost over 100 lbs on her 'bootcamp'. The sad fact, is that ALL of them gained it all back.

Carlene now runs a program called, "Find Your Best Diet" taking women slowly through small diet additions and changes, allowing THEM the freedom (within limits) to figure out what works best for them. I am working with Carlene now to find MY best diet.

We started out with a 2,000 calorie limit and i was 'allowed' to eat whatever i wanted. It really didn't work too good as i fell into binge eating immediately. Back to square one. I went back to 80-10-10 for a few days under Carlene's guidance. The first day was SO HARD!!! I had such tremendous cravings, i didn't think i would make it. After i got through that first day, it was smooth sailing.

On the third day, we added in home cooked veggie lentil soups with zero fat and zero salt. I was surprised they didn't make me 'compulsive,' being cooked. They are bland, but warm and comforting and filling. So all and in in addition to these soups daily, I've been eating lots of fruit, lots of smoothies and green smoothies and some dry salad, and i've lost 17.5 lbs with not too much struggle, and ZERO compulsion to BINGE. Pretty awesome.

As for the soups, they really seem to 'work' for me. I get to eat so much of them. Carlene and I have made peace with the fact that as a binge eater, i am a VOLUME eater, by nature. That's just the way it is. Making peace with that is actually FREEING. We now KNOW that, and can plan foods that FILL but are low fat and low salt, like the soup i make. And, Carlene is also a volume eater, so she understands. And it's so great that I get to eat high volume this way - with NO FAT and NO SALT - eat like a pig, but lose weight!!!!

To make my soup I blenderize veggies with water in the vitamix, add them that to a big pot, add in lots of chunky veggies and 1 cup of orange lentils and cook about 10 minutes. With the top on i let it sit for a while. An entire pot of soup is probably no more than 500 calories. So each serving is minimal calories and maximally filling. I'm basically doing the Dr. Fuhrman program. His program cures people's cancers, too, so these soups can't be THAT unhealthy.

And I've also been walking an hour a day. What a joy that is! After the first 15 minutes, your legs are happy, you're happy, and when you're done, you're empowered. The best thing to do is not to THINK about it too much. Just DO it. It's become just a simple fact: everyday i must fit in 1 hour of walking. And i do. Even in a blizzard. I just bundle up. I'm so grateful Cliff joins me. I love that man dearly. Our walks are so bonding and energizing not only to our bodies but to our relationship.

More on finding my best diet: Just the other day, Carlene suggested another idea to add to my repertoire perhaps 2x/week, if desired: an eggwhite omelette. As a former raw foodist, I sort of cringed at the idea, but, i've decided to branch out. Losing weight and stopping binge eating is HEALTHIER than what i was doing before, even if i was all raw, I was eating so much sodium and fat. That's just not healthy for anyone. I'm now eating food that is considered 'toxic,' but it's all a big experiment and I can go back to 100% raw if i want. I just really want to see if i can find a diet where i can lose weight, stop binge eating and be happy for the rest of my life. When i find it, i'll know, so i'm open to experimentation, under Carlene's guidance.

I made one of these eggwhite omelettes last night that Carlene suggested, and REALLY enjoyed it. I was shocked that 4 egg whites with 1 whole egg with no salt and barely any fat (1/2 tsp oil) could actually taste so amazingly good. I added tons of veggies - mushrooms and tomato and leeks. It was so good. What's amazing is that being over one week off of salt, everything tastes good!

The strange thing was...i snored last night after the egg whites omelette. As a cooked food 425lbs woman, i used to snore so LOUD that you could literally hear me down the hall with the door closed. As a raw foodist, i stopped snoring completely! And eating cooked veggies and lentils didn't bring back the snoring. But, the eggs did. I told Carlene I'd keep the egg idea as a treat because of that. It's nice to sleep with my honey and not keep him awake.

Yet today when we went out to eat, i was a little stuck on what i could order and ended up with eggs again. I saw no fruit salad, no fruit cup. I saw a hummus platter. That would have been a luscious vegan choice, but, it's too high salt and high fat for right now. I saw lots of wonderful vegan choices - grilled portobello mushroom sandwhich, veggie quesillas. Everything had salt and fat. If i were in a raw restaurant, i'd have confronted the same issue. Everything would be fatty and salty, except for fruit or dry salad. I was REALLY hungry, so i ordered the Ceasar Salad with no croutons, no olives, no dressing, but the egg was okay. It arrived as a plate of romaine, a few tomatoes and 2 eggs cut up. I ate one of the eggs and took the yolk out of the second. I didn't feel compulsive afterwards, but i'll snore again tonight. Best to limit the eggs i think. My body obviously doesn't consider them the 'best' for me, otherwise, it wouldn't become inflamed from them.

But, after my one hour walk, i was hungry again. A Larabar at 230 cals, zero sodium, but 12% fat seemed like an okay option. The cashews are fatty, but it's not that much that it would set me compulsively, and in fact, it didn't. I was very hungry and this compact caloric bar may not have been ideal, but it was a fine choice.

See, i'm learning to make CHOICES now. I'm restricted to 1600-1800 cals a day now. I've limited myself most days to zero fat, but i am allowed to have 30% of my cals at fat, and i've also limited myself most days to ZERO sodium, though i'm allowed to have 3,000mg of sodium daily. Making choices is SO empowering! I'm in control. I write everything down on fitday and Carlene and i talk 2x/week and we email daily. It's actually going really GREAT!!

I've noticed some other things, like the snoring, that aren't as great since eating some cooked food, though. My poops are not as fabulous as they were when i was eating raw 100%. For a few days, i was even constipated, but my bowels have seemed to adjust now. And i wake up every morning (even though i'm eating zero sodium) with a puffy face - puffy cooked food face. I had really enjoyed waking up beautiful as a raw foodist. Also, after eating the eggs, i felt like i could sleep forever!

Many a time on this journey of "finding my best diet", i've had to ask myself if i ALREADY had found it before....when i was 100% raw! I obviously needed to make some adjustments to it, however.

What's so much easier, though, is to eat LOWFAT with cooked veggies and LOWCAL. As a raw foodist, unless you are going to do 80-10-10 and eat only fruit all day, it's almost IMPOSSIBLE to eat LOWFAT and LOWCAL. Salads without dressing are really NOT that enjoyable. And nuts and seeds are also high in fat. Soaked seeds are probably the best option for weight loss. I mean, look at Angela Stokes-Monarch's diet. She hardly eats ANYTHING. She drinks most of her calories or takes supplements. There aren't many lowfat options unless you want to eat fruit all day. And Angela doesn't believe in fruit, considering it only for highly active people. So what are you left with? She mostly juices. I've never been so much into juicing. Maybe someday... I'm just not 'there' yet.

Nevertheless, my BIGGEST 'Ah-ha' moment in this work with Carlene has been the realization that i am a FAT and SODIUM ADDICT. Realizing this, finally, has made me so very very conscious of what i eat because I know now that if i eat too much salt and too much fat this giant big COMPULSIVE BINGE MONSTER awakens in me - my cravings completely reawaken and i'm out of control again.

I always assumed they were EMOTIONS that drove us to binge. But i don't think so anymore. I think it's the food. If you don't pick up too much salt and fat, miraculously, you're just forced to deal and cope. And i do!

So, even with eating COOKED eggwhites and COOKED veggies and lentils, i'm NOT COMPULSIVE, I assume, because they are LOWFAT. I always assumed wrongly it was the fact that food was COOKED that made me compulsive. But, i don't think it is. It's really the FAT and SALT content that's really the problem.

So, no matter if it's raw or cooked, if it's FATTY or SALTY, it's going to cause problems. If i were to have a nice huge mound of raw toona or chick-un salad, that monster re-awakens. Also, if i eat cooked french fries or onion rings, it reawakens.

It usually re-awakens at work when i dig into the raw bread. Well, what is raw bread? Fat and salt, basically. At 130 cals per slice (i worked it out on fitday.com), that's 1,000 cals for a tray of 8 and lots of salt and fat. No WONDER i couldn't stop that stuff once i started. And no wonder i couldn't lose weight on gourmet raw. I invariably ALWAYS overdid it on whatever i ate. It just never stopped calling to me.

Carlene has stated that there are foods that just SHOULD NOT BE ON MY REPERTOIRE AT ALL. Any food that is more than 30% fat or high in sodium should just be off limits. Why? I won't want to stop. Raw bread is one of those foods.

So, this is only a little past week one of this fascinating journey into finding my best diet, and i'm just so glad to be losing weight again, to be exercising again, to be so hopeful, and to be much more aware of the impact of salt and fat in my diet and in my binge eating issue. I'm glad to be looking better, glad to have Cliff proud of me and walking with me and loving me. It's a happy time. I know as i continue along this road, if i continue to stay aware, i'll be able to refine what my idea for my best diet is. So...onward i go...one day at a time!

xoxo michelle joy

Finding YOUR Best Diet!

Hi there, Folks,

Things are going really well. I just looked at myself in the mirror and i'm so pleased how well my face is looking. The bloating is gone, i'm down at least 13.5 lbs in less than a week. I weighed myself 2 days ago and get weighed in again on Friday morning.

You know, cooking veggies and lentils is not as scary as i always thought it would be.

I had a really great 'ah-ha' moment last night in one of my bi-weekly conversations with Carlene, my mostly raw weight loss coach at http://www.carlenejones.com/. She made a fantastic observation in labeling me a "fat and salt addict" - not coincidentally, JUST LIKE HER. And no matter the medium, cooked or raw, we're obsessed by fat and salt.

Oh, my. HOW TRUE. HOW TRUE!

She's been able to break out of the stereotypical raw gourmet diet AND out of total 80-10-10 eating, to now incorporate some cooked into her high fruit low fat diet...ALL THE WHILE MAINTAINING her 140lbs weight loss. How does she do this??? By 'avoiding' fat and salt, PERIOD. She does indulge from time to time, but, overall, her diet is VERY low fat and VERY low salt. In that way, she's able to maintain control.

I suppose it's no coincidence we've linked up. I needed to come to this place, i think.

My most in-control non-compulsive raw times have been on 80-10-10. Well, it figures. No salt. Barely any fat. But i couldn't maintain the diet. It felt way too harsh to me. I invariably always broke free from it, and went back to extremely high fat, high salt raw gourmet binge eating.

Gourmet raw drives me NUTS it tastes so good. I have a hard time stopping. It's so high fat and high sodium that for someone like me who is just a BORN ADDICT, it's like asking an alcoholic to have a few glasses of wine and not want anymore. The high salt and fat just awaken this monster in me.

Cooked Vegetarian junk food like fried spring rolls, fried tofu in singapore rice noodles, cheese pizza, donuts, cheese and mayo on a boca burger - why do i like it all? The FAT and the SALT. And why can't i stop once i start? The FAT and the SALT.

My diet the past 5 days with the assistance of Carlene has been largely a Whole Foods 50% raw diet comprised of: very large servings of green smoothies several times a day, unlimited fruit snacks and meals (homemade applesauce, etc...), and cooked soups made with no salt or fat, containing mongo amounts of veggies, and little orange lentil beans. [i'm also walking an hour a day.]

I'm finding i'm totally contented. I'm back to being completely un-compulsive. I'm not back into the high fat/high salt cooked binge eating like i was (i swear, i feared i'd never stop). It's out of my system. I'm amazingly OVER it! [Well, one day at a time, God Willing!] I feel like an alky who's been to rehab. Without the alcohol in my system (high fat and salt), i just don't CRAVE it.

So, it really never was COOKING that made me so ravenously compulsive. It was FAT and SALT.

I'm so totally contented with this new diet, but Carlene and I both realize that in order to ensure i can stay on this plan (and drop all of my excess weight) (and stop binge eating), i will need some 'treats' of salt and fat. No more black and white dieting. It's time to live.

I'm thinking the best way to tackle incorporating a little salt and fat in my plan would be to keep this new routine (basically the Dr. Fuhrman plan) as my daily plan, but then when i go OUT, i allow myself small dabblings into salt and fat.

Carlene has cautioned me that i can NOT go above a certain point with the salt or the fat...otherwise...the cravings will return. She's given me a cut-off of 1800 cals total, 3,000mg sodium and 30% fat. If a food is very fatty and very salty, it just "shouldn't be in your repertoire, Michelle."

I really, really, really GET it. It's like...i SEE the light.

Salt and Fat for me...have to be monitored, avoided, eaten with great care.

Nothing really changed emotionally for me this last week. I just stopped ingesting my DRUGS. I'm so much calmer. Even Carlene noticed. "You're so much calmer!"

I feel certain i'm on my way to "finding my best diet!" I can eat really all the soup i want...getting as full as i like...[binge eaters are high volume eaters, plain and simple] but i lose weight like crazy. Cooked veggies and lentils are so low in calories you can get stuffed and not even take in 300 cals. I made a giant pot of soup tonight, worked up the calories and the entire BIG pot is less than 1,000 cals. On the other hand, 8 peices of raw bread score over 1,000 cals.

I'm finding even this plan preferable to 80-10-10. Though it's not all raw, i'm losing so much quicker. And i FEEL so much better. And i can get REALLY full. And hot soup...is soooooooo pleasurable. That's sooo important to me, a sensual being.

Here's a sweet note from my friend, Jan, who's been keeping track of me on my plan with Carlene. She is the one who introduced me to Carlene, as she was on rawfoodbootcamp herself.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hi there, Michelle,

...I'm so thrilled that you are happy with the program that you have settled on. Realizing that following Dr. Fuhrman's program with some cooked food is working for you and it's the fat and salt that are the problem is "a good thing" as Martha Stewart would say. I know you have told me ever since OHI days that you have a real problem not being able to stop with the high fat and salty foods. So, now, knowing that you can eat/have the cooked soup whenever you want and you find it warming, filling, and satisfying is a wonderful new part of your program. I am very, very happy that you have discovered this. And, as you expressed to Carlene, allowing yourself the small indulgence of being able to have a moderate amount of salt and fat whenever you go out with friends, is, I believe, an important part of living a balanced life, foodwise. Knowing that you have that meal to look forward to, but, also reminding yourself that it is "just a meal" and not an opportunity to over-indulge, can mean the difference between being black and white. Enjoying that "gray area" every once in a while can prevent one from rebelling against the rigidity of an all-or-nothing program!

I hope I am making sense. Just know this, Michie, that I support you on your journey and am happy when you're happy with your steps along the way!

Blessings,

jan
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jan is such a wonderful friend. She has been an enormous support to me and i'm so grateful for her friendship.

It's my hope that everyone suffering from binge eating or from issues with gourmet raw or displeasure with 80-10-10 or with morbid obesity can find peace and a plan that works for them. We all must find our way. We cant go on like we have been. We need to find something that WORKS for us. It's a rough road to tread sometimes, trying this and trying that, but just know...if I can do it, anyone can do it!!! Think back to what worked for you in the past. Through a process of trial and error, you'll find your way. But never forget you need support, until you are strong enough on your own!

I have much much greater stores of power and ability than i even realize. I really NEEDED Carlene's support in the throws of my 'disease.' But, i'm coming closer and closer to the realization that i CAN do this and continue this on my own. I can overcome binge eating. I can lose the rest of my weight. I can enjoy my diet. I can have discipline, and allow myself some freedom, within limits.

Even 50% raw....feels like PURE RAW JOY!!

xoxo michelle joy

A Bingeaholic/Fat and Sat Addict...Finding Her Way! 50% Raw...and OKAY!

Morning, Folks,

"Pure Raw Joy" is now eating about 50% raw, and for today, that's really fantastic with me. I'm doing well. I'm losing weight. I'm working with a high raw obesity coach www.carlenejones.com. I feel satisfied. I'm eating vegan. I'm eating lowfat and lowsalt. I'm exercising daily. My diet is all raw fruits, raw greens, cooked veggies and beans. No added salt, no added fat. I'm feeling good.

I'm sure the "raw police" are terribly dissappointed with me, killing all those poor little veggies. Oh, the poor dead veggies poluting my body!

But, i'm okay with it. We all have to find our way - find what works for each of us as individuals. Live and let live and love everyone exactly where they are.

Here is my latest correspondance to Carlene for those of you that may be interested. My food report is below.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hi Carlene,

Today is a bit of a stressful day and i'm worried about how you will respond.

EXERCISE
The morning escaped me, so i'll have to exercise this evening. I have my sneakers with me and plan a walk on Germantown Ave. It's cold out, but i can bundle up. Either that, or i'll go to the gym and walk on the treadmill, or walk in the pool. Tonight i have a singing rehearsal, so i have plenty of time to get the walk in before my rehearsal.

MUSIC
I'm at the library now doing some stressful work, organizing some music for upcoming concerts. It's agitating me because i have a lot of work to do on all of my upcoming music gigs (a full length opera, an italian concert and a retirement home concert of "oldies"). I have alot under my belt and i need to begin attacking it all daily. So, i'm just a little agitated. My tendency is to procrastinate. I have a rehearsal tonight i did alot of work for but i still feel unprepared for, but we have no set date for that concert, so it's not too earth shattering. I also have a rehearsal for another concert in 2 weeks. The opera is in April. I have to start attacking all of the music.

I've bought a binder and am getting all of the copies in there today so that is my first step in the right direction. Making the copies was a huge ordeal. Thank God i got that done.

FOOD
For breakfast, I had a green smoothie: a few oranges, 3/4 of a banana, spinach and strawberries. It was really good, even without agave. the oranges are sweet now.

For snack: I had a little of my veggie soup because i was really hungry and didn't want to starve at the lunchdate i had coming up.

At lunch with my friend it went just "okay". i ordered a smoothie and a dry salad. It wasn't a "perfect" bootcamp lunch and that is worrying me. It seemed like an 'ok" choice, but not "ideal." I'm worried how you'll respond, if you'll yell at me!!! The last time i had lunch with a friend when i was on bootcamp with you, you were pretty severe when i ordered guacamole, and then i quit. I'm hoping the expectations are not so extreme for our work together this time and that if i screw up a bit, i can just move on and learn from it, but i won't get yelled at and i certainly don't want to quit.

Anyway, I'll be honest and fess up that the smoothie had no dairy, but i could tell it was sweetened. When i ordered it, i assumed it would be, but i really wanted it. I was afraid i'd be hungry - I'll be out all afternoon and evening. I also ordered a salad with spring mix, raw veggies, craisins and black beans on it, but ordered it with no dressing and no cheese or bread. The blackbeans were salted and i assumed they would be, but i wanted them.

After lunch, i felt like binge eating, in part because i wasn't "perfect" and in part because i'm stressed from my music and that' my way of coping. That way, if i eat, i won't have to confront my music. The agitation i'm facing is actually good. I'm not hiding at least.

I felt bad after lunch. Was it because physically the salt or the sugar affected me? Or did i just feel guilty for making not-perfect choices...and what the ramifications of those choices would be? Would i get bloated? Would i gain weight?

I decided to write instead of eating which is improvement also.

My feeling on the whole lunch is overall i did "well", but only if you see the lunch in perspective. It wasn't fried onion rings and pizza. I know it wasn't ideal and doesn't fit in with our 4 day plan, but since the sodium was low and the fat was zero, all in all it wasn't too horrendous. I just don't know how you will react! I hope you won't yell at me! This is life, afterall, and sometimes our choices are less than ideal, but we accept and learn from them and just move on.

So...that's my soul bearing for today!!! Please be kind!

xoxo michelle

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Michelle,

I'm not going to yell at you for anything. This is not boot camp.

As for the salad, the sodium in the beans will probably make you want to
eat more, and the guilt. This is all part of the eating behaviors you are
going to have to master. Not the beans, the eating afterwards because of
them.

I hope things went well. Procrastinating is something many of us do. I
work much better under pressure, so I don't worry about it too much.

Talk to you tomorrow. Keep the reports coming.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Morning,

All in all, i made it a good day and i'm really pleased with that. I weighed myself and am 280 lbs from 293.5 lbs. (-13.5 lbs since Friday....wow!) That was a lotta water weight! No wonder i felt so awful.

After the lunch out with my friend, i did feel guilty and bad and feel like binge eating because i thought i did "bad", but i went to the library and wrote you instead. It's bizarre to feel guilty and bad for eating beans and a smoothie when you see it in perspective. That meal certainly fit within our first goal of 3000mg sodium and 2000 cals and 20%fat. I kind of like that plan as a backup plan. Should things go poorly, i could at least stay within those perimeters.

I'm glad i chose to write. By writing, I avoided possible trouble. And indeed, I felt better after emailing and did not binge. So maybe it was all in my head...?

Would a little sodium really make me want so much more? Or is binge eating a mental disorder. I'm more inclined to believe it's a little of both.

However, I'm so black and white, and i thought that's what we were here to cure. When we first talked, your goal for me was not no salt, but low salt. So, yesterday was definitely low salt. As for it fitting into our 4 day cleanse, salted beans did not.

Anyway, I like NOT eating sodium. I feel very free. But, I kind of like being "allowed" a little if i go out, even if i choose to have none out, it's kind of nice to think that every once in a while i could have a little somthing with sodium. In this way, i could live a low salt life. I'm fine at home so far with none. I've found a routine that works that i actually like. But, i suppose we'll see where we proceed further when i speak to you.

As for the beans, i thought they were okay...i've BEEN using lentils in my veggie soups. I'm sorry, maybe i misunderstood. Was i not supposed to? So, for the blackbeans, i thought the issue was that they were salted...not that i ate beans... ???

I'm enjoying what i'm doing very very very much and feel like i could live like this a good long while, even without any fat at home at all. The cravings i experienced the first day, shakiness looking in the fridge, wanting eggs, etc...vanished. Hallelujah.

Work is coming up on Thursday and a few things concern me. I really believe i'm in a good spot now to be okay at work and just drink smoothies, eat fruit and chopped salads and not freak out and binge at work. I've been clean at work for months before with zero problems. Do you still want me to pack my own? Arnold feeding us is part of our salary. We make very little money there, so he allows us to eat. Can i see how i do and if it goes bad, i'll pack for Friday?

Also, the only thing i think that i fear will be a problem is the one banana rule at work. While i'm at work, may i be permitted to eat more than 1 banana? I enjoy a banana whip at work. During this week, i've been having less than 1 banana a day. Sometimes 1/2, sometimes 3/4.

Okay, here's my report from today. Talk to you tonight.

REPORT:
For breakfast, I had a green smoothie: a few oranges, 3/4 of a banana,spinach and strawberries.

For snack: I had a little of my veggie soup

At lunch I had the smoothie (dairy free/sweetened) and mesclun salad with veggies, craisins, salted black beans, no dressing

NO BINGE

Dinner: 1/2 personal watermelon and large bowl of the fat free/salt free homemade veggie soup and 3 tangerines

EXERCISE: 50 mins walk to Main Street and back with Cliff

Snack: 1 apple and later handful raisins (was hungry)

xoxo michelle joy

Steaming Veggies vs. Raw Veggies...Weight Loss for the Fat/Salt Addict

Hi there, Ladies,

Things have been going really well. I feel back on track and so grateful to be eating healthfully and exercising again. All of the cooked high fat high salt food (pizza, eggrolls) snowballed. I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop gaining weight. I couldn't stop craving them. So i contacted Carlene of www.carlenejones.com. Carlene lost 140 lbs on a high raw diet and now helps other obese food addicts lose weight, but more importantly, create a plan of eating that they can live with long term.

I began steaming vegetables yesterday and found i really enjoyed it. Steaming, I believe, maintains some of the nutrients and enzymes, so that is good. But more importantly for me, it allows me to eat veggies without alot of fatty salty sauces or dressings.

I'm constantly reminded how several friends of mine lost over 100 lbs eating gourmet raw. I ate ALOT of gourmet raw when i initially lost my first 140 lbs. All I can say is - there came a point when i no longer ate it in moderation as i did at the raw retreat. It started becoming a problem when i began working in a raw cafe...the ability to constantly snack there. And then it became a huge problem, gaining 20+ lbs regularly on raw gourmet binges that i couldn't control. The salt and the fat just CALL to me.

Recently with Cliff, we tried all gourmet raw. I ate in moderation. I felt happy. But i didn't lose weight. Either did he.

What i like about Carlene's program is that it's not one-size-fits-all. We are all individuals with so many complex needs, so many complex issues that each of us must find our way and find out what works best for us. The people who happily eat gourmet in moderation aren't foodaholics like i am. I wish i weren't. But i am.

So, for today, i'm back to lean eating. The cravings have stopped. I'm happy as a clam. And i know this is the right direction for me. I feel it in my bones. And i see it on the scale.

The fact that i'm killing enzymes and eating 'dead' food don't really mean much to me. Steamed veggies and homemade fat free veggie soups with no fat and no salt never killed ANYONE. Victoria Boutenko eats steamed veggies. She realized they were healthier than 1lb of cashews every night. Frederic Patenaude eats steamed veggies. Paul Nison drinks raw goats milk.

I'm still eating a high degree of raw: green smoothies, E3Live and lots of fruit. It's all good.

At the supermarket yesterday, the checker exclaimed, "You sure do eat lots of fruits and veggies!" I felt proud that mine was the only shopping cart with everything green and colorful. I shop only the store perimeters.

Below are the most recent correspondences from Carlene and me with the most recent first. We're corresponding 2x/daily instead of me inputting my food into www.fitday.com for right now. It's working well!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Michelle,

Great job getting back in the zone! Can you see how the first day was such
a huge result of the high fat/high sodium you had been eating?

How nice that Cliff is walking with you that is great.

As for weighing in. You need to weigh in on Tuesdays and Fridays, the days
of our calls.

Have a great day.

Carlene

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Morning,

I'm glad the steamed veggies and soup are a part of my plan. I enjoyed
it!

I'm off for a one hour walk with cliff this morning.

And we're making green smoothies for breakfast.

Afterwards, my girlfriend and i are going out to lunch. i'll get a dry
veggie salad with lemon. boring and bland, but it's ok for today. i'm
not feeling deprived, but motivated to "repair" and "restore" myself.

I didn't weigh myself this morning. I'm a little nervous to weigh daily
because when i don't lose i get seriously discouraged. Perhaps it's
better to wait until Friday morning. ...

I'll email you later! Thank you for always getting back to me! I'm
enjoying keeping in touch like this 2x/day. It's helping me feel
seriously supported! I liked the journal thing in fitday.com, but i like
this better. That way, if things get bad, you'll know right away...and it
can't snowball too badly...

Thanks again, xoxo michelle

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Great day! Good job. Carlene

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hi Carlene,

Good day! I had a one hour walk with Cliff today much later in the day.
It was too icy in the morning to walk to the market.

For breakfast i had green smoothie: [parsley, 1/2 banana, 3 golden
delicious apples]. enjoyable!

For lunch i decided to try out steamed veggies. I steamed 2 cups of
broccoli, 1/2 shallot, 2 cups of swiss chard and 1 tomato. No fat, no
salt. I was full at the end and satisfied. wow. That's a new thing for
my repertoire, loved it!

For snack i had 1 mango, and some herbal tea

Later I had 1 orange and 1/2 single serve watermelon.

For dinner, I made the blenderized veggie soup, no salt no fat. bland,
but hot and satisfying.

At my moms i had 2 apples. When i got home i had some more of the soup.

xoxoxo michelle joy