High Raw Sushi and Durian!

Good morning, my dears,

I'm writing from Susan's house again. Susan is my catering partner. We're heavy in planning for the Beckwith event that we're catering on Friday, Sept 18th at the Tindley Temple in Philadelphia. If you're in the area and want to come to hear Micheal Beckwith speak, please, please let me know! You can contact me at: LaSoprana@aol.com.

I believe it is $35 for the entertainment and to hear him speak, but if you want the opportuntity to meet him face to face and enjoy a lovely raw cocktail party, the VIP raw vegan receiption that we are catering is $125.

If you do a search under 'Micheal Beckwith Philadelphia' the event will come up. It is being sponsored by Common Ground, a volunteer organization.

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Yesterday, after working for long hours on our budget, etc., and finalizing some of our recipes for over 100 people, we had the most mind blowing lunch: veggie sushi with jicama "rice".

I can't wait to recreate this as a 100% raw dish! Susan is 90% raw, so the dish wasn't 100% raw, containing several traditional japanese condiments, but I was okay with it. Condiments usually don't bother me. Cooked veggies would. Not because they're not good for you. But, because i'd like them just a little too much.

In the veggie nori roll itself was a sprinkling of roasted sesame seeds, and the nori wraps themselves were of the green variety, not the black, so they were roasted and had much more of an authentic japanese flavor. With all of the veggies and the 'rice' inside, these wraps really tasted EXACTLY like sushi.

Susan and her husband Mark made a nama shoyu based dip with pickled ginger, but I made a salt free 'dressing' to dip my sushi into made of fresh lemon juice, fresh ginger, dulse flakes for saltiness and wasabi. I was surprised it was so good being salt free! I was literally in heaven!

Not being salty or nutty, or 100% raw, i can't really say this was 'gourmet raw', but being my first little treat since i've been doing so well on 80-10-10, it was WORTH it! What a lucky girl i am!

The negligable roasted items in it actually didn't bother me 'mentally' that much. I freely use nutritional yeast, which is not raw. And cashews are really not raw, which i freely use in raw cooking and in eating. Sometimes i'll use regular vinegar at my mother's house on a salad, so condiments are not hugely bothersome to me. I find with raw, every person needs to decide for themselves what they will and won't eat. I won't taste meat or cooked grains or cooked veggies simply because i'd like them too much. i don't think cooked sushi wraps will make me binge, so for me, it's not a biggie.

And what's so neat is those two little items sent this dish over the edge as far as authentic sushi flavor. I'd like to try the sushi rolls with black untoasted nori and untoasted sesame seeds to see how it tastes. Maybe it's just as good?

But, the jicama rice? AMAZING. Ah, this had another traditional japanese condiment in it that was also not raw. The jicama was peeled and chopped so finely in the cuisinart to resemble rice. It really DID! Then it was well drained of it's juice, so as not to make the sushi too wet. A little agave and rice wine vinegar, which is not raw, was added to flavor the rice as is traditionally done with japanese sushi rice.

You'll only believe me if you try it, but this was just like eating sushi, the authenticity. First the nori wrap was laid down, the dried and seasoned "rice" was laid ontop on 2/3 of the sheet and on top of that thin shreds of carrot, red pepper, cucumber, scallion, avocado, sprinkle of sesame seeds, and rolled. It LOOKED exactly like sushi, tasted exactly like it and i was just flipping out completely. I actually didn't know until 1/2 way into it that there were roasted sesame seeds in it, but by then, i didn't care!

In actuality, it was a HIGH raw or ALMOST raw dish, but just an absolutely OUTSTANDING one that would be so great served at a party. If i would make it, i'd put a thin blanket of mixed greens down first to block out any moisture from the jicama rice which degrades and breaks down the nori rather quickly. I'd like to try it with the raw apple cider vinegar and see how it tastes, use unroasted sesame seeds and the unroasted nori. I'm thinking it will be okay, but won't taste as authentic! The wasabi in the dipping sauce sent it over the edge. That may not be raw either, but how can you have sushi without wasabi????

If you're high raw, this would be a great dish for you!!

Susan and I also had durian raspberry banana pudding. "Hello, gorgeous!" If you've never tried Durian, it's an aquired taste, but the more you taste it, the more you LOVE it!! Some durians can be really smelly. I've been lucky the last few i've tasted have not been smelly at all so i'm becoming more and more of a durian fan. Although they do say that the more raw you get, the less you actually 'smell' that bad rotten eggs smell that durians give off. Quite the contrary, i was so surprised to walk into my house the other day and smell what smelled like cookies in the oven. I said to myself, 'what the heck smells so good?' It was the durian i had ripening on the countertop!!! I cracked it open and had what looks like scrambled eggs for breakfast. It was mindblowing. If you've never tried durian, you simply have to!

Wow...Susan just made a strawberry, banana, durian shake for us!!! Am i a lucky girl or WHAT????? Durian is a fatty fruit just like avocado, so it's not exactly 80-10-10 fare, well, in very limited quantities it is. But, if you're gonna cheat, this is the way to enjoy 'it' - in the company of wonderful friends, enjoying, savoring, having fun!!

xoxoxo michelle joy

Periods Improve on 80-10-10...!!!

Morning, folks,

Old pic of me from 2006 i found on my dad's computer. Big but beautiful. Everyone always said i had a pretty face!

Well, dears, I have my period. You know my intense need to be graphic, so i'll just put it out there. The blood is bright red and very thin. I don't remember a period like this before but maybe i did have ones like this when i was on 80-10-10, but i don't recall.

It MAY be because in addition to the lighter diet that i am on again, i am using two new supplements: Barley Max and Noni Juice. Noni is renowned for eliminating women's issues: cramps, pms, menopause, etc... Susan, my catering patner swears by it. She's been taking Noni daily for over 10 years, way way way before she ever knew about Raw.

Anyway, the quality of the period blood is different. Periods cleanse us. They are the shedding of the uteran lining and my lining is not as clumpy and clotty and looking like liver as usual. Interesting.

Now, when i was doing the really super high nut binges? I'd have to take Aleve for the period cramps, they were insane and crippling.

Today the cramps are tolerable, but Susan swears they will improve with each period. You know i will keep you informed, my dears!

Spent the day with my mommy all day. We ended up doing 'fashion show' instead of cleaning her drawers. She showed me all the new things she has bought and i help put them together into outfits with jewelry and the right top and shoes. It's our bonding time and i love it. Love my mommy.

Ate yesterday: Barley max and noni, then 2 entire cantaloupes with seeds blenderized. Please say you will try this. i'm pretty sure you need a vitamix to accomplish it. there are still seed casings present in the blenderized 'smoothie', but it doesn't bother me. This is the bomb and tastes more like cantatloupe than cantaloupe. i love it.

For lunch i had the best salad. in the cuisinart i added 1 red tomato, 1/2 small cucumber, 1/2 red pepper, some onion, 1 small clove garlic, 1/4 avo, some zucchini, a few handfuls of spinach. i pulse chopped. i threw this 'salsa' over a bed of greens, squeezed 1/2 lemon over the entire thing, and you know what? no salt, barely any fat, but it was very very enjoyable!

The rest of the day i snacked on fruit (a few nectarines, a kiwi) and for dinner had 2 corn on the cob. at night i had 2 bananas and 2 plums.

I walked a good walk yesterday, at least 40 mins good pace 1/2 uphill.

I woke up this morning to weigh 253. I've lost another 2 lbs. That is exciting!

The power of 80-10-10 to turn around a nut and salt feast is pretty awesome. I am taking off this weight in exactly the time it took me to put it on, a week and a half!

I wonder if Angela Stokes gains weight...maybe she just doesn't talk about it? or maybe she just never weighs herself!

Off for an all day meeting with my catering partner, Susan Aman. We're making up the budget. Time is drawing nearer to the Beckwith event!

xoxox michelle joy

Earth...Heaven...Dreams!

Hiya, Ladies,

Cliff and I are watching the Disney movie, "Earth." Pretty extraordinary footage. Have you seen it? We're just watching the poor polor bear attacking the walruses, oh my. Poor thing, he's so hungry and there's no ice left for him to hunt from. What are we doing to this planet with global warming???

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Another great food day at work. I think i'm just an 'addict' and this is how i'm going to have to eat at work for my own sanity. It's so easy, i can't quite believe it.

No salt. No tasting. Just following my plan of greens, fruit, very limited fat and no salt, no dehydrated.

Yesterday i ate:

• Big green smoothie for breakfast
• Noni juice & barley max as a pre-breakfast
• cacao banana smoothie midmorning with 1/2 small spoon of hemp seed
• salad with tons of chopped veggies, 1/4 of an avo, lemon and nutritional yeast for lunch
• 2 mango whips for mid afternoon
• late in the day some grapes and later 2 grapefruits
• before closing two apples
• At home hungry, late, 2 corn on the cob and some cacao banana smoothie, no hemp, topped with 2 teaspoons of coconut shreds.

Everytime i ate it was because i was hungry. NOT because i was thinking about food. That's how it is when i binge. It's infinitely better THIS way. I have never binged on 80-10-10ish food. Why would i? I had one of the women writing me say she could binge on apples. I've never binged on apples. Hell, when i binge, believe you me, it will be on something ULTRA FATTY and SALTY!!!!!!!! Yummy, yummy, yum, yum!!!!

Overall i lost 11.5 lbs since last Saturday. I've stayed the same weight, 255 for the past few days, so the bulk of that loss was water weight. Do you hear me complaining?????

What i find so extraordinary is that there is no struggle. No STRUGGLE with food eating this way.

THIS, to me, is AMAZING...to FEEL like this after feeling so desperately out of control just one week ago. This freedom to me feels like HEAVEN. A respite from the hell of food addiction.

Do i have LESS stress now???? I thought it was the stress driving me to eat non stop all day. So, do i?

NO.

In fact, I probably have MORE. But i don't FEEL it like i was. I'm calm. I have another opera rehearsal Tuesday, and an all day Beckwith planning session tomorrow with Susan. Things are NOT calming down, but rather revving up. Yet, i feel relatively relaxed about everything.

I can now most certainly say that i am a fat and salt addict. If i go past a certain point, that seems to be...'the point of no return,' and that eating humongous amounts of salt and fat ADD STRESS to my life, they do not CALM STRESS.

Where i am right now is totally manageable, stress wise and food wise.

Speaking of fat, I actually ate fat three times yesterday, the same as i did the day before, but in very small controlled quantities. This is not traditionally 80-10-10. On that program, you eat fat usually once a day, never more than ONE type of fat in one day, never more than 10% fat.

Well, I can always refine.

I am, however, in control, and doing radically better than i was just a short week ago.

I should check my fitday.com numbers and see where i'm at. I could be between 12-20% fat. Obviously anymore and whammo, i'm back there in binge land.

THIS i can do. As long as i don't get any yeast infections or wierd things happen, as long as i continue to lose, i could live with this a day at a time.

Unfortunately, it was quite a restrictive plan for me this week. No raw bread, no mock toona. These are the kinds of foods i 'love' but they tend to pull me to "lose" control. Having nothing tugging at me to go further feels AWESOME. I'm in control, baby!

I had hoped to have one gourmet meal a week. My instinct is, i don't think that's gonna work right NOW. I think it CAN work and i'd like it to work, but I don't know how i'm going to bring gourmet into my life in a controlled manner, but we'll continue to work on that together. It is my ultimate goal. If not once a week, you know, every once in a while.

The Beckwith event is coming up, however, and I'm anticipating 'having' to do alot of tasting to make the dishes. But, you know what????????? I don't think i really HAVE to.

I just made BLISS BALLS at work (a chocolate cococonut cashew ball with a kick) and didn't even taste them. I asked others to taste them and based on what they said, adjusted the recipe. I got a phone call yesterday from Kim, "Michelle, those Bliss balls are OUTRAGEOUS! You could be a millionaire!"

It would be nice to find a way to market my spreads and specialty items. What's amazing is i didn't have to TASTE it to make it. AND...AND...i wrote the exact recipe down so i can reproduce it without tasting. It used to be so FUN NOT to write the recipes down so i could always be a creative force, always recreating a recipe...and continuously tasting, tasting, tasting, binge eating. I enjoyed that so much.

But, uh, well, we've determined i'm better off where i am today.

At work, I also made some other popular spreads - my mock 'toona' which sells out within a few days, a chili cheeze dip that Kim said was 'genius...you should get this stuff into Whole Foods, you'd make a KILLING!' and mediteranean hummus, all of which i DID taste ever ever ever so slightly, the tiniest dab on the tip of my tongue to taste for balance and adjust seasoning. I'm okay with that. That doesn't seem to send me over the edge.

You know what i'd like to do? Approach Brad of Brad's Raw Chips...and sell my packaged nutspreads beside his. "Michelle's RAW DIPS and Brads Raw Chips". I also make a phenomenol raw lemonades that could be sold as Michelle's RAW SIPS. Cool idea, huh?

Brad's Chips were the TALK of Arnolds Way yesterday. He's been approached to take his chips OVERSEAS. If he gets into Whole Foods, man, i'm tellin' ya. He'll have it made. I'd really like to be a part of his team when that happens. Flax chips will exlode once they get into Whole Foods on the East Coast.

Well, we get what we ask for, so, do you hear universe???

As for now and the next few days, i'm going to ask the universe to have my opera memorized and for a productive planning session with Susan tomorrow, and for a productive home organizing session with my mom today. We're cleaning her drawers out. I'll be there soon, Mommy!

As for me, i just plan to keep on doing what i'm doing foodwise. Maybe i'll make some green smoothie and bring it to my moms. She always has fruit there for me and salad so i'm usually covered.

I'd like to exercise daily over the next days, too. I walked 30 mins yesterday. That really seems to be the ticket - EXERCISE along with diet.

How are you doing today?

I guess we all have to ask ourselves what WORKS for us. I don't think or even preach that this should be the path for everyone. I don't believe it is. I DO believe we all have to find our own way. We are all different with different issues. Not everyone binges. Not everyone has to give up everything in order to thrive. It realy sucks that i do.

Self-analysis, unflinching honesty, willingness, perseverance - these all help.

But when we find what works, it's crucial to just commit to it, and suck it up if it wasn't all we had hoped it would be. Look at the bright side. It could always be MUCH WORSE!!!! Thank God for today, it isn't!!!!

xoxox michelle joy

Night and Day! And accepting PAIN as natural....

Good morning, dear Ladies,

Today is Friday. It's almost 4a.m. I went to bed a little after 9p.m., and well, i just can't sleep nooooo more.

My eating at work....is so different now. It's like "night and day."

I was out of control. And now i'm in control.

I didn't suddenly find willpower.

I didn't suddenly find God.

I didn't suddenly start planning my meals. Or eating every 3 hours, or moderating.

I changed my food. I went from eating predominantly fat and salt to eating almost none of it. As a last ditch effort after failing miserably at trying to live a moderate raw gourmet life, I returned to doing my version of 80-10-10. No more raw bread, no nutspreads, no pies, no kale chips, no seasoned nuts. No gourmet raw. Nothing salty and fatty. Just fruit and greens and a small amount of fat: 1/2 spoon of hemp seeds in my shake and 1/4 of an avocado in my chopped salad. No salt for yesterday. Dat's all she wrote!

Living like this for me feels incredibly FREEING for today.

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YES, i LOVE raw gourmet food. I MAKE raw gourmet food. I just have not been EATING it. I have others taste it, or taste as much as you could fit on a pinhead when i'm creating at work, and TRUST that it's good. I know if i start eating it, i have a hard time stopping, so i don't start, for today.

There is nothing WRONG with gourmet raw food. In fact, it's a wondrous world of tastes and textures and mind blowing creations. Have you read Ms. Meredith's blog lately, http://www.therawseed.com/? Man...what she can DO with a few nuts and some flax seeds. it's GENIOUS. She is a creative genious. Angela Stokes commented about her raw taco, "This is probably the BEST food of this type I've ever eaten. WOW!"

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I just have a hard time controlling myself with gourmet raw because it IS so good. This seems to become an enormous issue in my life especially at work in a raw gourmet cafe, the control issue, i mean.

So, for today, i accept this. I lose control easily.

I take this information that i know about myself and I address it. I either stay away....or learn to indulge wisely.

Staying away for today is actually TEN BILLION TRILLION TIMES EASIER for ME than learning to eat it in moderation.

Just days ago, I felt like i was in bondage. I saw no way out.

Now, I feel born again. I feel free.

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That said, my ULTIMATE GOAL is to come to a place where scrumtious raw food, raw bread, raw nutspreads, etc... are not so stimulating to me, and i can indulge in moderation. For this to happen, "I" must change.... Perhaps i will never be able to indulge while i work. Perhaps that is too severe a challenge for me. Hopefully, at some point in my journey, i can learn to approach gourmet raw food like i used to - as a non-threatening pleasurable treat that i indulge in, enjoy, savor, and then go back to my lighter routine right away.

When i first started raw, I saw gourmet raw as an integral part of my plan, but a HEAVILY CONTROLLED part of my plan. I NEVER kept it in the condo, NEVER worked around it, always went OUT for it. I understood it's power. I also exercised, like, non stop, walked 5 miles a day, swam for an hour daily.

This was all when i was in California at the raw retreat. For 8 months, i followed this routine: I ate the retreat plan, which was salt free and very low fat, very zero stimulation food, never kept dehydrated goodies, raw bread or nutspreads or salt or olive oil in the townhouse there, but indulged 1-5x week in gourmet raw for one meal OUT (at RANCHOS or at CILANTROS, two AMAZING raw eateries in San Diego). I ONLY ate or bought as much as i could ingest in that ONE meal, eaten there.

Well, hmmm, not exactly true. Actually, i did do some take out, but i can count on both hands the times i took food OUT to take back with me to the room. I did not do this often because a) i wouldn't lose weight and that's why i was there b) i instinctively 'knew' i was doing a 'bad' thing. It felt like a binge.

Somehow, with the tremendous amount of exercise i was doing, indulging like this did not halt a 140 lbs weight loss in 8 short months. Friends of mine who do gourmet raw are experiencing similar good fortune.

Today, my brand of raw gourmeting hasn't led to weight loss in a long, long, long while. I exercise, but not enough to handle heavy eating AND LOSE WEIGHT RAPIDLY like i did then. Raw gourmet food is MUCH more accessible to me now, so it's SO much easier to overindulge. Plus, i'm convinced of the following: I also had MUCH MORE to lose then, and when one is coming from a daily intake of 7,000 calories, a plate of guacamole is diet food. PLUS, being a NEWBIE to raw, my body was THRILLED to finally be GETTING RAW forms of FAT in it and it didn't seem to mind. It still shed pounds easily.

TODAY, almost 3 years later, it's had enough fat. My body is in a different place.

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Not eating ANY gourmet raw at work for the last two days has actually a BLESSING. If i don't pick it up and START, i don't crave it.

Cravings are an incredibly powerful force.

Unfortunately for me, at work, my weaknesses are all around me. Normal people can take a little. I'm excessive. I don't just take a little, i won't stop until i'm sick, and then i won't even stop then.

I know with a little more meditation and more self awareness, more self love, more emotional detachment from food, i COULD learn to eat gourmet raw in moderation like friends of mine, and like Angela Stokes. It's not a mainstay of her diet, but she indulges from time to time, eats slowly, savoring. And then, she walks away, contented and not obsessing.

I'm just not there yet today. And for today, that's okay!

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When i ate salt the other day (there was himalyan salt in a raw chocolate sauce i used in a smoothie), it was just awful and very concerning how parched my lips became afterwards. Is this what salt does to ME? My lips are dried out and cracked now 2 days later, though i take in enough fluid, i think. Maybe i don't. But, my body just reacts strongly in a negative way to salt after having none for several days in a row.

I always mention them but i will again - my good friends Tim and Leslie Arnold eat ROCK SEA SALT for energy as a SNACK and suffer no ill consequences, in fact, they love it so much, they carry it around with themselves in their pockets. They also run like 10 miles a day.

MY body, on the other hand, never liked salt and still doesn't. My tongue adores it, but my body doesn't. My mother used to change my diaper as a child and find it dry. I was so easy to potty train because i hardly ever peed. My brother, on the other hand, pees like a racehorse.

Our systems are all different. I am incredibly prone as we know to retaining water. We all must be honest with ourselves and make peace with who we are and what we, and our bodies, are capable of.

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I feel so good about where i am at again today. I look in the mirror and see my cheekbones again. My skin is looking good. I'm completely uninterested in food, except when i'm hungry, and then i eat something fruity or vegetably to make that discomfort of hunger go away. I'm not obsessed with food today, i'm not dreaming or planning or thinking about food. It's a welcome relief for me today to be at this place again.

Yesterday, i was up at 5am, worked out on the trampoline for a few minutes at Susan's house and ate/drank:

• 1oz of noni juice


• BREAKFAST: 2.5 glasses green smoothie (banana, fig, spring greens)


• SNACK: 4 nectarines and 4 fresh figs (my new favorite food)


• MIDMORNING: a large chocolate shake at work (banana, cacao, 1/2 spoon of hemp, vanilla, date)


• LUNCH: a chopped salad (red pepper, garlic, ginger, broccoli, zucchini, tomato, mushroom, onion, carrot, celery, 1/4 avocado, 2 Tbsp nutritional yeast) (delicious)
  
• LATE AFTERNOON SNACK: Carob banana date whip


• DINNER: 2 cobs of corn, cherry tomatoes, and 2 oranges


• SNACK: vanilla banana smoothie

Looking over my food, it seems like a lot to me. I did eat when i felt hungry, and stopped easily, so easily, when i had enough. But, maybe i'm confusing THIRST for hunger. I think i need to drink more. And eat more greens and green juices. I did not have my Barley juice yesterday.

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Emotionally, life is challenging on a low fat plan. When we eat less fat we stop numbing our emotions. I FEEL more - on this kind of a plan. I don't particularly like it and sometimes feel like running away into something fatty so i won't have to FEEL so acutely.

But, i often remember a bible verse i used on another diet to help me with the feelings that arose from not indulging in numbing food any longer, "God loves a contrite heart."

It means that God loves it when we suffer to get better, more spiritual or healthier. He loves it when we feel badly. That sounds funny and like some kind of self flaggelation catholic thing. It's not. I know when i'm OPEN to feeling, i will often feel MARVELOUS AND JOYFUL AND HAPPY. And then i might feel sad or angry or irritated or upset or disturbed or perturbed or lonely or worried. Opening myself to FEELING means often feeling BAD. And accepting that. And not trying to 'stop' it up with jamming fatty food in me.

Feelings are energy. We can't be afraid of sexual or frightening negative feelings. We need to let the energy flow through. We don't have to react and do something, have sex with every Tom, Dick or Harry, or start yelling at people or abusing them or having tantrums, but we can let ourselves feel.

A coworker today was suffering my same ill fate: overindulging in salty nutty fare to the point of feeling unable to stop. [I have come to see that this is a COMMON occurance with raw foodists. I thought it was just ME, but i'm seeing it's not.] Now, understading the power of fat to numb, i spoke with her about how she felt about something troubling her and found out she was so worried about it. I advised her to let herself feel it. She was distressed. My heart hurt for her. But, i know that i have to let others suffer, too.

I felt irritated at work today, i felt. I just felt. I'm a sensitive person. More sensitive than i realize.

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What i'm basically saying is PAIN AND SUFFERING in life is manditory.

What we DO get to chose is HOW we experience it. Do we experience pain and suffering from binge eating and overeating and gaining weight and feeling PHYSICALLY horrid from food and all of the awful feelings, symptoms, diseases that go along with that?

Or do we eat healthfully in a manner that opens us to our emotions and allow ourselves to start processing our painful feelings? Do we allow ourselves to experience feeling negative...without overeating?

If we experience our pain and suffering in physical pain or weight gain from bingeing, where does that get us? Nowhere. Sicker. Fatter.

If we allow ourselves to feel painful emotions, to suffer for health and goodness, where does that get us? To health. To wellness.

We feel PAIN either way. Which one do YOU chose?

xoxox michelle joy

Beckwith Planning Session with SUSAN!!!

Hiya Ladies!

Hope you are all well and good! I slept over my catering partner, Susan's house last night as we had a big big planning session for our Beckwith catering event after i worked at Arnolds Way yesterday. Everything is proceeding along! The baby goat jumping for joy is how we feel about getting this job. We're very excited about it and are busy getting everything, recipes, etc...planned and organized. That gorgeous gal with 'Tiggy' is Susan Aman, R.N., Fitness Trainer, Noni Juice Rep, Vitamix Rep, former model with Ford and Elite. Isn't she LOVELY??? She is SO great. She's lost 50 lbs since going raw and a tumor on her back...dissappeared!!!

Work at Arnolds Way went GREAT yesterday. Amazing. I just drank green smoothie, made a chopped salad. I wasn't very hungry, actually. The power of foregoing 'addictive' foods (for me, fats, in particular) is powerful. Don't pick it up and it doesn't call. This is EXACTLY what i have found with cooked foods and why i no longer indulge in them. I'd hate to say goodbye to gourmet raw forever, but i'm so happy to have said goodbye for today.

One interesting note, i did use some "Oasis" brand (www.oasic-cafe.org) raw chocolate syrup in my morning smoothie and yes, i did KNOW it had himalayan salt in it, but i did not truly REALIZE the impact it would have on me.

Since not eating salt for, what, 4 days?, my lips became so parched, oh, my god, it was awful!

Okay, i gotta run. Susan and i have to plan some more and then call the Beckwith rep and then i go off to another day at Arnolds Way!!!

xoxo michelle joy

"Is it all worth it?"

Howdy, Ya'll :-))

Today was a much better day. I felt pretty good overall, strange, since i was up since 3a.m. I guess that's because the night before i slept for 12 hours non stop. I think that's the detox kicking in. The need to sleep sometimes.

In the morning, I got all of the dishes done, cleaned and organized the kitchen and the refrigerator, did my vocal warm ups while doing dishes, sent out the Arnolds Way weekly email, did computer work for the Beckwith catering job (organizing, planning), answered a million emails, did some cooking for Cliff, worked on my opera, organized the laundry to be started. Walking into a clean kitchen feels SO good. Now, i just have to keep on top of it. Unfortunately, my cleaning skills are like my dieting skills. All or nothing. I have a hard time 'maintaining' a routine. Let's hope i can learn to keep up with it. It feels SO good to feel good. I hope i remember this.

At about 10:30a.m., after being up and productive for 7.5 hours, i went to sleep for 4 hours. When i awoke, i ate a little something and Cliff took me supermarketing for fresh produce.

I hadn't eaten anything at all until 2:30p.m. when i awoke. I had not been hungry AT ALL. I guess because i ate so much yesterday??? Nevertheless, I probably WOULD have eaten without hunger, but i wanted to wait since i hadn't pooped yet. After i pooped, i weighed in. More on that later.

For 'breakfast', i had noni juice and a big glass of barley green. For brunch at like 3:00p.m., i had 1/2 of a medium round watermelon while sitting outside in the luscious sunny breezy cool weather. That was blissful. I have such a taste for watermelon. I had bought 4 knowing i was going to go on a 'cleanse.'

According to my calories, i'm taking in over 3,000 daily, but under 10% of fat. This is actually very in keeping with 80-10-10. The only things i do that are non 80-10-10 are spices and garlic and vinegar, etc... I love those. They make salads tolerable. Rome was not built in a day. And frankly, i don't have to follow 80-10-10 perfectly. Thankfully, Doug Graham does not live in my home or head policing me. Fruit makes sense to me as energy food that's delicious and fat free. Greens make sense to me as energy, minerals and vitamins and roughage. Nuts provide a little oil and protein. I have no gas eating this way. On a high nut diet, i'm farting all of the time and have terrible reflux. On this, i have no reflux. Garlic and vinegar and herbs 'may' be destructive in his mind, but in mine, they're calorie free and do not hold up weight loss, so, i feel free to enjoy them. They will most definitely be in my "book" and people will start referring to my plan like they do 80-10-10!!!!

I didn't get to take a walk. I was busy, plus, i knew i had a very strenuous opera rehearsal tonight and didn't want to tire myself out.

The rehearsal went surprisingly well, but i sang out of the score. Vocally, i was so worried, but i kept telling myself to think positively and remember that one rehearsal i had where i didn't react emotionally and just did my best and i was fabulous. Apparently, this worked, as many said how fabulous i was. Go figure! However, i am NOT out of the woods. I have SO much to work on. The ENTIRE opera has to be memorized by next tuesday. Aaaarrrrghhh! Between blogging and emails and work and planning the Beckwith event and household chores and life...where will i find the time? Well, i just MUST.

I am so GLAD to be back on track with the food, as i apparently sang well and sounded very good. That's because with the 80-10-10 plan, reflux dissappears. I still weigh in the 250's, but reflux dissappears the minute i stop eating 'heavy'.

I still have heavy duty some problem spots in my opera role, my first aria was awful, but i'm on the right track, since i got LOTS of compliments from people i really respect! I'm singing with my friend, Eve Edwards and her husband Jeff! You'll remember her from the blog i did on her. She is FABULOUS. What a voice. I meant to get pics, but will next rehearsal.

I brought with me to rehearsal my liquid "lunch and dinner", a giant humongous enormous green smoothie, about 6 spaghetti sauce jars full. The bottle holding the smoothie was a liter or more, maybe 2 liters or 3. I filled up the entire empty xlarge value cranberry juice bottle with a rockin' green smoothie made of lots of bananas, at least 10 small, a little bit of almonds, some cacao and an entire xlarge bin of spinach. mmmm. it was primo. what a great recipe. i must remember this one!!!

Poor me, i weighed myself in at 2:30p.m. yesterday and weighed in at 256 1/4 from 266 1/2 three days before. I've only lost like 2 lbs since yesterday and nearly 10 pounds in 3 days... don't you feel sorry for me????? And i weighed in this morning, Wed morning at 255 1/4. Awwww, only another pound lost. I'm so dissappointed, i've only lost like over 11 lbs in 4 days. Does someone have a tissue???? snifff sniff...bbbboooo hoooo. [i'm not really sad, i'm KIDDING!]

Man, this watermelon thing is WORKING!!! :-))))))

So, was all of the irritability and "hunger" worth it? YES. I feel MUCH better today and was not hungry like i was yesterday.

Tonight someone i hadn't seen since january remarked, "Wow, you've lost even MORE weight!"

Ask me again if it's worth it. YES YES YES YES

2 big raw corn on the cob tonight, hungry! delish.

feel good.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

wed morning
i reconfirm, i feel good!!! i'm soooooooo happy to be almost the weight i was. it's amazing the power of 80-10-10 to reverse 5 billion nuts, tons of salt and 5,000 peices of raw living bread clogging up my system. i'm becoming convinced more and more that i'm totally on the right track!!!! can i keep this up, though????

for today i can. and i work today, usually a disaster in the making, but i will have to just do my smoothies, pre-make green smoothies for myself, eat veggie meals if i want, have a salad with tahini and garlic and lemon. i can DO this. i've done it before. and it felt free. i'm glad to be "back."

xoxo michelle joy

Day Three Overview

Hiya, Lovies,

Hope you are all well.

Here's me last night at home.

I went to bed at 9:30pm last night absolutely exhausted, and awoke at 3a.m., thinking about the upcoming catering job for the Beckwith event.

I've been up since then, doing computer work for Arnolds Way and for the catering job. So i'll be taking a nap early this afternoon. yawnnnnn!

Today's agenda is: dishes, laundry and practice my opera. Maybe a stroll outside. The weather is divine...cool and sunny!

eeek. I have my first opera rehearsal tonight. I feel woefully underprepared. Although i've done the role before, i've not had the time or motivation or health to dedicate the time needed these past weeks to relearning.

On the physical realm, the reflux is gone, thank god. With the severe reduction in fats and salt, the swelling is gone on two fronts. Swelling from acidity and swelling from excess salt. So, i can physically move forward and I will do the best i can today to continue to review and we shall see how tonight goes. I have 13 days from today until the performance, so hopefully i can get it all together.

Boohoo, I weighed in this morning at 3a.m. and was dissappointed to weigh the same as yesterday, but i've not gone to the bathroom yet, so i'm hoping for some kind of a loss. Maybe a nice big fat 1 lb poopy.

This freakin' 80-10-10 diet seems like an awful lot of effort and suffering for little or no loss. In my mind i should continue to lose 4 lbs a day!!!

I had nagging hunger yesterday all day, and ate alot again.

It's 9am and i haven't had anything to eat yet. I'm not hungry yet...and would like to wait until i get hungry, but more importantly, would like to wait to pass a giant 10 lb dood, so i can lose again. Wish me luck.

Since you unfortunately cannot access my fitday results, i'll go back to writing my food down here. That's a shame. Fitday is so cool.

Yesterday, i honestly lost track of everything i ate because i ate so frequently and what felt like so much, but i kept feeling hungry. Maybe i should drink a gladss of water before i eat some fruit. I shared a chocolate shake with cliff that had 1.5 tsps of hemp in each serving for breakfast. I had a total of 1.5 round medium sized watermelons. I shared an orange banana shake with him later. i had one cup of leftover green smoothie. i had a salad with greens, tomato, cucumber, garlic, onion and 1 tsp of tahini, lemon juice, raw vinegar. NOT delicious, but tolerable. Can't remember what else i ate! I had a few servings of noni and a big glass of reconstituted green barley juice - Barley Max.

I had about 10% fat total for the whole day.

I'm in a pretty serious detox. Feel kinda out of it and tired most of the time and irritable often, especially in the eves. This morning, i'm actually starting to feel better, cheery, awake, motivated, so that's good. But, when i feel badly, I can't say this is a very pleasant place to be in, yet, it's much improved from 8 lbs ago, so i am indeed grateful for that!!!

I love to complain, I do :-))) And feeling lousy is no fun. Detox is no fun. But, i'm happier when i look in the mirror and feel 'proud' of myself for having the cajonies to have taken the reigns and turned a pretty awful episode around.

So much of life was stuck in the horror and hell of binge eating. So, it's NICE to be finally FREE again... Again is the worrisome word. How long will THIS respite last????

I think also that without the excess fat, i'm really feeling....very raw, emotionally. Do i stay here...just FEEL the LOSS, FEEL the PAIN...feel the discomfort? Or find a plan that pads that a bit???

I do feel a bit sorry for myself. This is quite a departure from the decadence of raw toona and flax bread. Do i really want to be thin...THAT badly????

It's either THIS ....or learn to control myself!!!!

I took a GOOD walk yesterday. At least an hour. Much uphill. And am looking forward to getting out in the sunshine today.

Wishing you all a wonderful day.

xoxox michelle joy