FEELING BETTER, SINGING, BUCKWHEAT, SMALL CHANGES, AND LETTING GO OF PERFECTIONISM!

Greetings, kind folk, how are you?

I hope you are all well!

I had a really great day at work today at Arnold's Way, where I am a raw chef :-))

I'd been out from work the last 2 weeks sick, so it was really nice to be back, and everyone was very happy to see me, which felt really nice.  And I made lots of yummy raw meals today and really enjoyed serving so many friends and customers.

I had a good energy level today!...which was a very pleasant surprise!  I didn't think I was doing so well with my diet, still overeating, but the changes I have made - (apparently) - have been doing me good!  No more boxed processed veggie burgers, no more white bread, white rice, no more sugary drinks, no more cheese, no more cookies.  And just doing that - the change in my energy level is tremendous, wow!

Yes, I have gained weight over this last month falling off of my Better Living Lifestyle plan.  But my face looked better to me today.  My cheeks were rosy, my skin seemed more vibrant and glowy, and I didn't have that ugly-puffy look I get.  Wow!

Oh!  One really wonderfully excellent thing that happened to me today was that my singing voice was so good today!  The enzymes and pre-biotics and pro-biotics of the Coconut Kefir (and the nonfat Greek dairy yogurt I had with fruit and agave) (my last holding on to dairy), and the changes I have made in my diet to more digestible food, have had tremendous benefit on my reflux laryngitis.  I just couldn't stop singing today!!  When my diet is very poor, this affects my digestion, (which affects my throat, because the acids reflux up into the larynx, and my larynx becomes swollen and irritated).  And then phonating becomes seriously challenged.  But today I was singing so easily!  Better diet - better energy - better singing.  Yippee!  One customer commented, 'Wow, what a beautiful voice you have!'  That felt GREAT because I am often 'unable' to sing due to reflux, so being allowed to be authentically ME and to be blessed to emote and flow so freely....  Man, I always say it, when i can sing well, it feels like what it must feel like for an ice skater to do a triple jump.  What FREEDOM, what JOY!  I was singing like a little freed bird today who flew out of a cage!

So I made a funny video with Arnold and Matt Warner today with me singing (in the background) about Buckwheat, of all things, and them mouthing the words.  So funny.  I'll be sure to post it here when Arnold posts it on his youtube page.

Buckwheat, I tell ya, is the "new green smoothie" at Arnold's Way!  Matt Warnter, a fruitarian, and revolutionary educator, the long bearded barefoot "live foodist," is presently staying with Arnold.  And Matt is way, let me say, way, waaaay....into Buckwheat.  Matt's adoration of Buckwheat is seriously influencing Arnold.  I mean we are going NUTS over Buckwheat today!  Singing about it, laughing about it, dreaming up ways to use it.  It's popular as a raw breakfast cereal.  We're planning on making buckwheat pancakes.  We joked about making buckwheat smoothies.  I think you can make Buckwheat milk!

Buckwheat is not from the wheat family, but is a seed from a flowering plant, and is chock full of protein, low in fat, and so healthy, one could live off of it, with not much else.  Wow!  A few green smoothies and a salad with a buckwheat pate' and Arnold said that could do it for someone for the day.  Arnold ate some Buckwheat pate' today and was full ALL day!  And usually he snacks the entire day!!!  Arnold is calling Buckwheat the new wonder food.  He says that it will help ME not want to eat so much because it is so incredibly satiating.  Arnold said, "Michelle.....Buckwheat is your new BEST FRIEND!"

wikipedia on buckwheat - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buckwheat

Organic Hulled Buckwheat Groats

Today Arnold made a 'toona' pate' from sprouted buckwheat, and it was good!  He soaked and sprouted the buckwheat, then ground the moist kernals in the Food Processor with celery and carrot and avocado, and added some nori and Herbamare for saltiness.  It looked and tasted like a tuna salad and I put a plop on top of some zucchini spaghetti with raw tomato sauce.  It was quite yummy.

OMG, Here's a crazy video from Arnold and Matt Warner on Buckwheat, not the one I'm singing in, but this is pretty wild.  Arnold is wearing a pocketbook on his head and is in rare form, wearing a kids collapsable Plastic woven BALL as a poncho and a hand puppet on one hand and a plastic kitchen glove on the other (!!!).  Arnold dude, you are OUT THERE, and I LOVE YA!!  Enjoy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ktRKLxP6GxA#!

I did super good with food today!  This morning I had green smoothie for breakfast, a few more smoothies during the day at work, the zucchini spaghetti and buckwheat for lunch with some raw living bread, a raw power bar later.  Then when I got back home, I just had 2 slices of Ezekiel Sprouted Grain Cinnamon Raisin Toast with organic vegan butter and one of the homemade Lentil Sunshine Burgers I made with some organic Lundburg Short Grain Brown rice.

Let me just say that Lundberg Short Grain Brown Rice is THE BEST! (Whole Foods sells it.)  Oh, yeah, it is So SO much better than long grain brown rice.  

So, it was a good day!  I felt good.  I had a good day.  And what's so awesome is that I didn't "think" I was doing good.

This is a SERIOUS lesson.

Small changes DO make a big difference, even when EVERYTHING we're doing is not good, it is still good enough to produce a positive effect.  What an amazing lesson to learn!  This is such an "abe" lesson.  Abe says constantly, "All is well!"  I need to really let that sink in.  Even when things are not going perfectly, still, ALL IS WELL.  When we move in the direction of just feeling better, we produce significant momentum and motion forward...from just a SMALL CHANGE!  

  

And you know what?  When you realize you feel better, despite not doing "perfectly," it empowers you so much because you realize you don't NEED to be perfect to make changes.  And you actually begin to grow in real confidence!

I'm excited to see how I feel tomorrow because I had a higher percentage of raw food today, something that I wanted to do, but hadn't been succeeding at yet!

Baby Steps, baby steps, baby steps!

xoxo michelle joy

DESIRES, BEHAVIORS, AWARENESS....AND CHANGE

The more in vibrational sync you are with who you really are, then the more you are allowing only those things that you're wanting, and the less resistance there is. And the less resistance there is, then the less delay between the idea of the thought and the receiving of it.

--- Abraham

So, I wake up this morning, crazy early, at 4:30 a.m.

By 6 a.m., I'm in the kitchen, hungry.    

I peruse the fridge.  

I'm cold.

I don't "feel" like a green smoothie.

_ _ _

I "feel" like something warm.

I "feel" like Sprouted Ezekiel Cinnamon Raisin toast....with vegan cream cheese...and tart cherry jelly.....(so good, it's from Switzerland), and a hot cuppa Earl Grey tea with almond milk and raw honey.

It sounds right, feels like it would be comforting.

I'm gonna do it.     

The kitchen is quiet and peaceful.  We cleaned it yesterday so it feels so nice in there!  It's still dark out, Cliff is still asleep.  

I feel relaxed this morning but melancholy as I crunch into the toast.  Man, soooo good.  This cinnamon raisin toast is better than the un-sprouted kind.     

I enjoy my breakfast as guiltlessly as I can, knowing it's not on the plan.  Knowing I'll write about it takes some of the sting away.     

I bask in the warmth from the tea, enjoy the sweet taste, and sit down to the computer.  Satiated and satisfied, I feel surprisingly unapologetic and OK.

_ _ _   

Sugar is a no-no.  Sugar is what is keeping me fat, Raymond Francis says.

The problem is - I really LIKE it!

_ _ _


According to this morning's "Abe," (my friend Joy and I refer to our daily email of Abraham quotes as Abes), I do think I was maybe doing something good this morning.

I was in vibrational sync with myself and my desire.  I was being and expressing me.  

The BIG question is......Is that OKAY???
_ _ _

Often with food, we don't realize that the choices we are making are not in our best interest, until later.  Through trial and error, we see how we feel AFTER we eat something.  We're in a better position then to fully realize the implications of our decisions.

How does tea and toast make me feel, after I eat it?
I need to know and fully realize how I feel after I eat something.  Then I can make better informed decisions!
Logging ones food is so powerful, says Francis.  I need to do this. 

_ _ _

Alas, it seems as soon as you read a book telling you what not to eat, you suddenly want everything you're not supposed to have!  
I suppose that's human nature....

_ _ _

Honestly, I am really aspiring to enter a state of examination right now, because I've tried unsuccessfully to be perfect on plans my entire life and can never be.  I want to discover ME.  I'm watching and evaluating and seeing what I come up with.  If I never know who I am, I think I will always keep binge eating.  When I am authentically in touch with me, I don't think I will need to reach out for something any more.

_ _ _    

So I ask myself....

Do I really want to be sugar-free?

Do I really want to be wheat-free?

Do I really want to never be fat again and do what Raymond Francis says I need to, to get there?

Pretty HUGE implications!

_ _ _ 

Sierra's "Law of Attraction" un-diet plan (www.iam-iam-iam.com)  asks for me to summon what to eat using my newly aligned vibration, after reading and listening to her words.

Sort of ike a healthy Geneen Roth plan!  Kind of cool and freeing.  I can dig it!

And the www.TurningInstitute.com Therapist would probably say for me to determine what I want to eat myself, too.

Self-awareness and self-determination would lead to greater and greater degrees of intuitive eating.  

And there is something HUGE to say about INTUITIVE EATING because most naturally thin people do it.  

_ _ _


On the other hand, green smoothies ARE my favorite breakfast, really, because I FEEL the best when I drink them.

Energized, even, and just GOOD knowing they are the best for me...green smoothies makes me feel good.

And I know they are making me healthier, giving me enzymes and minerals and vitamins.  The more nutrition I receive, the less hungry I'll be.

Important point to constantly remember.

And because they digest so quickly, they allow you access to your organic energy, so you don't have to ask your adrenals to pump out adrenalyn, energy on reserve.  Using it depletes you.

Green smoothies are just good!  

I'm still hungry, i think i'll have one!

_ _ _  

The other morning I had Sunshine Burger and Leftover Pasta for breakfast.

Whew, what an energy slump that led to!!

_ _ _   

I'll keep Francis' plan and book forefront in my mind.  I'll keep studying it, and allow the info keep washing over me, through me and not expect perfection.   

I think in that way, his education will ultimately change my desires.
After all, if we attack there, and actually change our desires, real change occurs.  Our desires  and behaviors will finally be in alignment.

This is the Roy Masters approach.  (www.fhu.com.)  Roy teaches, "just watch your behavior.  Don't react.  One morning, you'll wake up and you'll do it."  By watching without reacting, we are allowing our Soul, our Spirit, or is it our subconscious (?) to make the change, instead of using effort/ego.

Ego/effort changes never hold.      

_ _ _

My mom has been eating vegan, well, mostly vegan, for quite a while now.

Under my suggestion, she cut out most meat.  She has a taste every now and again.

She also cut out quite a bit of dairy, though she still eats some.  

I have to smile when I open her fridge and see the vegan "ersatz cheese" that she bought herself in the fridge, and her leftover green smoothie from that morning, waiting for her to drink later in the day.  It's also totally cute when she asks me to pick up the mock egg salad she likes from Whole Foods.  What a good mommy I have. 

"Every morning I make the green smoothie," she tells me.  

She is so good.

She even gives a small glass to my dad now in the morning and he DRINKS it.  I never thought I would see the day.   

_ _ _ _

Bad news.

My mom broke the news to me that the Doctor called last week and the lump on her thyroid is bigger.  

They want to take a biopsy next week.  They will probably want to take it out and put her on synthetic hormones.  Of course, i've been advising her against it.

She doesn't want to have more surgery, but they will try to convince her.    

She is amenable to going to see Dr. Arcilla for a live blood test to see if her situation could improve naturally.

We're both going to see him.

Time to bite the bullet and take whatever criticism he hands me, too.  

_ _ _

My mother buys fresh dill weed every week, so that when I visit, I can make a Raw Vegan Ranch Dressing my parents just absolutely LOVE.

I tell my mom weekly, "If daddy would have a salad with this dressing EVERY DAY, and drink green smoothie for breakfast EVERY DAY, and have pasta or potatoes instead of meat for dinner, his Lukemia numbers would go down."  

Every week she says, "Really?"  And really means it.  But she still makes him meat.  

He does love that dressing.  And now the green smoothies!

My parents do hear me, but I think it's a matter of belief, and of conditioning.

It's the same with me!  

We just ALL need constant CONSTANT encouragement and education over and over and over and over.

Really.....we need brain washing.

And we need awareness.

And we need to be connected....spiritually.

Of ourselves, we can do nothing.   

We have to have patience with ourselves until our Highest Self's desires and our desires SYNC.  

_ _ _

I feel really bad about my mom.

Why her diet changes didn't help?

Maybe they did.

Maybe the lump would have been worse by now.

She is on ALOT of meds.

And she has not been walking.

And she doesn't follow vegan or even vegetarian perfectly lately.

She eats white bread and stopped buying the sprouted, so I bought her some more sprouted yesterday.

And she doesn't drink much water.

(deep sigh)
I hope it's not cancer.
_ _ _

I have some lentils on the stove.

They smell so freakin' good.

I boil them in water with fresh garlic and italian herbs until they suck up all of the water, then I add more.

Every time they suck the water up, i add more, until they're done.

In like 30 mins, oila.  
_ _ _

I'll make lentil burgers with them using the Sunshine Burger recipe I told you about.   

The Sunshine Burgers I made the other night are so entirely YUMMERS!

I baked them with a little olive oil.

Half of the batch I made plain with the carrot/celery/onion/garlic.  The other half I added spinach and sage.

MMMmmm! 

_ _ _

I brought my mom a wonderful vegan lunch of leftovers from my house.

Chickpeas with steamed veggies.

Mashed potatoes with vegan butter and vegan cream cheese.

Sunshine Burgers.

Tinkyada Brown Rice spirals with vegan cream of mushroom sauce

I made it with mushrooms, onion, garlic, unsweetened almond milk, vegan cream cheese and vegan parmesan, white wine, salt, vegan butter and olive oil and a little whole wheat flour. 
....and then added chunky peppers, onions and mushrooms.  

She loved it.

Cliff loved it.

I loved it.  

...so much i ate it for breakfast the next day.

Oh yeah, we already went over that. 
_ _ _


Starchy stuff is so yummy, even if it's gluten free, and I invariably overeat it.

I'm supposed to have mostly salad and raw veggies and fruit and had a big plate of starch for dinner.  It was good, but...

Dr. Fuhrman's plan says NO STARCH for obese people.

Ignorence is bliss, I tell ya.     
_ _ _

I felt anxious at my moms today and went right for the cookie cabinet when she went to the bathroom.  A BIG handful of Famous Amos and a handful of chocolate covered grahams down the hatch.  

Compulsions, compulsions. 
_ _ _

Last night I had Greek dairy yogurt on top of frozen fruit with agave drizzled on top.

It was so frickin' good.  I think I will have that every night, and I actually might.

I know dairy is not good, but it tastes so frickin' good and it is fat free and I like the bacteria factor for digestion.

_ _ _

I did, however, buy Fermented Coconut Milk Kefir at Whole Foods to push myself in the right direction.

Blech, not nearly as yummy as the dairy kind, but I might be able to get used to it.

Chock full of healthy bacteria, it is a better choice.

After all, almond milk in my tea is nowhere near as good as dairy milk.  But I can get used to it.   

_ _ _

IN CONCLUSION
When you evaluate your actions and you come up short repeatedly, there is a natural desire to feel really bad about yourself, really guilty, and if you have an eating disorder, to binge, to give up, and to abandon ship, completely.  I'm no good, I'm worthless, I can't do it.

Realizing ahead of time, i KNOW i can't do it, says I'm being authentically me finally.  

I am going to try a better route.

I am going to try to be easy going on myself, as Abraham and Roy Masters suggest.  

Their message is one of TRUST, to be happy right where you are today and now, and just TRUST, that no matter what, things WILL get better, as long as you keep paying attention.  

Be happy eating the wrong thing.  Because eventually you will attract the RIGHT thing into your existence.  

What we usually do and what leads to binges, is we are miserable eating the wrong thing.  Then we can never get enough of it and we NEVER give ourselves the chance to attract the right thing into our existence because we shut awareness down and close our eyes.
This new way is certainly a new way to be.

It is certainly not the FAST approach, but the fast approach often ends up rebounding into a yo-yo situation, so we don't make permanent progress that way, either.  It's when you've fallen so many times that you realize, hey, I don't have the strength to do this on my own anymore.  Then you learn to allow mistakes until you don't need them anymore.  Like a kid learning to ride a bike.  Who expects perfection learning something new except us dieters?  No one.  
Resist the temptation to feel terrible and beat yourself up, and just keep plowing forward, looking at the good in what you do, always.  Always grateful for what good you do.  

...All the while, enjoying, and smiling.  
xoxo michelle joy          

"NEVER BE FAT AGAIN" by RAYMOND FRANCIS

Good day to you all!

After finding the amazing book, "Never Be Fat Again," by Raymond Francis, I feel re-directed, back on track, and so very grateful!

_ _ _ 

Here is a description of the book from Amazon:

Fight Fat at Its True Source . . . Your Cells. 

An M.I.T.-Trained Scientist Explains the ONE Secret You Need to Know to Lose Weight and Keep It Off.

Raymond Francis is the scientist people turn to when diets don't work. His groundbreaking approach treats excess weight for what it really is--a disease caused by malfunctioning cells. As Francis explains, many of the foods we eat every day, especially the 'health' and 'diet' ones we dutifully buy to lose weight, have the opposite effect . Full of hidden toxins and lacking nutrients, they actually poison your cells and alter your weight-control genes, causing your body to put on the pounds. Like he's done for thousands of other people, Raymond Francis can help you turn this fat cycle around and reclaim your waistline--and your health.

His simple yet scientifically supported plan will have you looking and feeling better than you have in years-- in just six weeks. You'll discover:

• Which low-fat and no-fat products actually make you fatter
• How one missing nutrient can signal your body to store fat
• Which food additives are most toxic--and how to spot them on a label
• The 'Big 4' worst foods to eat--with delicious and nutritious alternatives
• How to sneak more fiber- and nutrient-rich foods into your day

Plus, delicious recipes for meals and snacks and week-by-week to-do lists to keep you on track

Your body already knows how to regulate its weight--you just need to give it a fighting chance. Now you can--for life.

_ _ _

So interesting that Dr. Arcilla of the Better Living Lifestyle Center (www.drarcilla.com) has the SAME viewpoint about the cells.  Dr. Arcilla does live cell testing.  That is how we knew I was getting healthier after 21 days on his mostly raw diet, because my cells looked so much more normal.  All of the cells were no longer shaped oval (bad), and furry looking cells (bad) from free radical damage were gone, and there was no more fat running in between the cells, among other things.

So we are not fat because we are weak willed gluttons?

No, we are fat because we have a DISEASE caused by malfunctioning cells!

That takes a lot of the guilt and shame out of it.  
_ _ _  

THE NEVER BE FAT AGAIN DIET
The worst foods to eat that create malfunctioning cells, Raymond Francis says, are WHITE FLOUR, SUGAR, MOST OILS, CORN, ALL PROCESSED FOODS, DAIRY and MOST MEAT.

Francis offers a wise transition plan to help wean oneself away.

_ _ _

Basically, what is left makes up a MOSTLY RAW ORGANIC VEGAN DIET, including:

• raw organic fruits and vegetables
• steamed organic vegetables
• cold pressed organic E.E.V.O, Flax and Hemp oils and grape seed Veganaise
• raw nuts and seeds
• seaweed
• all beans, sprouted or cooked
• sprouted breads on occasion or never
• cooked or sprouted raw starches - brown rice, quinoa, millet, etc... 
• cooked starchy vegetables - potatoes, sweet potatoes, squash, etc...
• natural Stevia as a sweetener, and agave, raw honey and molasses only very occasionally or never 
• grass fed organic meats, wild fish, organic free range eggs in very small portions, if desired. 
• Lots of water
• Daily Exercise

It is a common sense WHOLE FOODS PLANT BASED diet very similar to what I learned at the Better Living Lifestyle Center.

Hm, interesting.  Corn and all corn products are no-no's because corn is so corrupted, and even the organic variety has GMO in it, writes Raymond Francis.  No more corn chips!

I love that he recommends soaking beans and nuts/seeds.  This is always a good reminder.

He even recommends soaking starches to improve digestibility, and then eating them raw the next day, or cooking them.

You mean, if I soak brown rice overnight, and then rinse and cook the next day, that improves its digestibility?  I'm excited to try!  

Francis recommends the following food combining:

• Fruit alone or with soaked nuts for Breakfast.  
• Or, soaked / cooked grains for breakfast. 
• Salad, and raw and cooked vegetables with protein for lunch. 
• Salad, and raw and cooked vegetables with starch for dinner. 
• Fruit - or raw nuts - or raw veggies with hummus, etc... for snacks.    

I feel grateful for fruit today, because if sugar is off limits, something sweet is SERIOUSLY appreciated.    

He recommends eating the RAW PORTION of your meal first.  Smart!  I ate my salad first today.  That's what I did at the BLLC, too!  Gettin' back on track!

For an EXCELLENT overview of the book: http://www.diet.com/dietblogs/read_blog.php?title=Never+Be+Fat+Again%3A+The+Science+Behind+Slimming&blid=12013 

_ _ _

WHAT WE ATE YESTERDAY

Yesterday, we had green smoothie for breakfast: spinach, papaya, pineapple, banana.

For Lunch, we had vegetables with chick peas sauteed in olive oil, and sprouted grain garlic bread, using an organic vegan soy butter.

Raymond says that we should never use HIGH HEAT when cooking, and always use cold pressed E.V.O.O..  It takes a lot longer for the veggies to cook on medium or low heat, but they tasted good, are more nutritious, and that way, we're not creating toxins with overheating the oil.  

Also, no more microwaving.  We're heating up our food on the stove on low. 

For dinner, I forget what Cliff had.  I had leftover chick peas and veggies, and a smoothie.

Having a smoothie for dessert was bad food combining....but I'm weaning.  It's okay.  It's alot better than sugary chocolate or cookies, what I've been eating. 

The idea of "weaning" is so freeing...and gives me lots of leeway to start, and really helps me from feeling I have to be perfect.  I so appreciate that.   

No black and white.  Just what I need to succeed!  Easy going, relaxed.  No rules, just guidelines to work my way into!  NO STRESS!!!

Oh, and my dessert smoothie was super delicious: banana, blueberry, carob, brazil nut, vanilla.  A real winner~!   

For snack, I had an apple and 1/2 cup of pumpkin seeds while watching Downton Abbey.  I LOVE THAT SHOW!!!

_ _ _

SUPERMARKET SHOPPING TO NEVER BE FAT AGAIN
Today, i went to the Market and carefully shopped.  I filled my cart with canned beans, bagged beans, sprouted grain bread, Tinkyada brown rice pastas (the best gluten free pastas), brown rice, unsweetened almond milk, raw nuts, plenty of organic produce.

It's really important to have things that can be prepared quickly for when we don't have time or are really hungry or tempted, like canned beans and boxed almond milk.

It was a new-fangled shopping experience.  It was very peaceful.  I guess that's because I wasn't buying lots of stimulating toxic foods....which stimulate me when I buy them!!

Usually I go hyper hog wild buying processed veggie burgers and veggie meats.  As I do this, i always feel excited  and guilty.  First of all, they are so expensive.  And secondly, that little voice inside of me knows they are insanely addictive and I'm better off without them.  Plus, they bloat me.  They're very salty.  I always tell myself, 'This time, i'll eat them in moderation.'  But most of the time I binge on them.  I can go through 2 or 3 boxes of veggie burgers in one day.  Frankly, I'm glad processed is out.  It feels right.  And, as I passed the aisle with the veggie meats, I sadly said, "Bye Bye..."

I'm excited to make cooked vegan Sunshine Burgers this week.  They are an excellent replacement to boxed veggie burgers.  You take cooked brown rice, chick peas, almonds or sunflower seeds, celery, garlic, onion, carrot, or whatever veggies you want, and some salt, and process using S blade in Cuisinart.  Then form the dough into patties and bake or pan fry.  They are so good and so much better for you.  My friend, Talia, taught me how to make them. When I told her how much I love boxed veggie burgers, she looked so sad and grimaced and said, "Don't you know how to make Sunshine Burgers?"  I'm so glad she taught me.  They are soo soo soo good!!!  

(You know when I was talking about Abraham saying to eat what we believe will help us?  When you get a stimulating guilty charge buying or eating something, it's probably not something that is helping!!!)

I also bypassed lots of things with hidden sugars that we enjoy, like ketchup, applesauce, baked beans, etc...

I passed the cracker, cookie, bread aisle, and headed straight for the sprouted breads.

Surprise! The Alvarado Street Bakery Sprouted Breads were on sale.  50% off!!

_ _ _

NO WHITE FLOUR / NO SUGARLooking back in my dieting history, there were two times in my life where I lost large amounts of weight and kept it off - 5 or so years ago, when I was raw vegan for 3.5 years, and in my 20's when I was on O.A. HOW.

On both of these programs WHITE FLOUR and SUGAR were off limits.

On both of these programs, foods were seriously restricted.

I find it interesting to note that these were the only two plans that ever "worked" for me and produced somewhat lasting results.

Al Roker, who is maintaining a 100 lb weight loss, follows the same type of restricted plan.  He says this works best for him.    

Did anyone see Al Roker on Dateline last night?  He is on a whole foods based diet, too, and is totally off of white flour, gluten and sugar, too.  You see, I think it works.  These are addictive substances, and, they give us cravings and make us fat.   

_ _ _

WHAT WE ATE TODAY
For breakfast today, we had green smoothie: spirulina, bananas, strawberries, pineapple, spinach.

For Linner, we had: home made cole slaw with Veganaise, a humongous salad with homemade vegan Ceasar dressing, sprouted bread, leftover steamed veggies with chick peas, and Cliff had some leftover fake sausages.  

I'm aiming to re-establish my 2 meals, but tonight I plan on having a fruit-based snack, if I need it.

_ _ _


It feels so good to be back on track today!

After only one day of doing better, I awoke this morning actually feeling GOOD.

xoxo michelle joy

PICKING UP THE PIECES - A JOURNEY TO WELLNESS - A COURSE OF SELF STUDY

"Hope the fact that you haven't posted for so long doesn't mean things are going badly. By the way, have you read Brain over Binge by Kathryn Hansen? She also has a blog - google it. I had a binge eating/bulimia issue for 10 years which I thought was hopeless but using her theory I haven't binged or purged for two weeks - and it hasn't been difficult. I know it's early days, but this feels different to all the other things I have tried. Maybe it will help you too."  - Anonymous

Hi Anonymous!

Ah, you know me so well!  Yes, I've been having trouble the last month, and as sometimes happens when trouble arrives, I abandoned my blogging.  

I'm happy to be back blogging, however, and feeling very hopeful and motivated again for the future.

(A hug also to Lisa for her loving encouragement to begin blogging again!)
I have not yet read "Brain Over Binge" by Kathryn Hansen but I'm so glad you are having success with it and I totally support and encourage you!  Kudos on your two weeks of success!  Appreciate and have gratitude for every success!  If it feels right, it is.  You are doing GREAT and exactly where you need to be!  

It sounds like a great book and blog and totally right up my alley and I thank you for thinking of me and supporting and encouraging me, and if I weren't knee deep in my own study already at the moment, I'd take your cue.  For now, I'm feeling like I'm right where I need to be, learning so much.
_ _ _

Yes, I fell into a very bad depression the last month.  Things began to fall apart with my program and I became increasingly discouraged.  Or more rightly, I became discouraged first, and then things began to fall apart with my program.  I'm learning that "feelings" always precede food issues.     

What's amazing is, all it took was the flip of a 'mental switch' to turn the feel-good lights back on.

Intentionally willing myself to feel good, no matter what my weight now, I connected to living in the Joy of the Lord.

I was suddenly blessed with a very powerful upsurge in energy, got back to living, and entered into a intense course of study to renew my commitment to myself to get back on my program.

With that, the depression lifted, immediately.

I have embarked on 4 new areas of study I'm excited to report on: 

1. I happened upon an online eating disorder program, run out of Dublin, Ireland, by a Psychotherapist who specializes in Eating Disorders, called The Turning Institute, www.TurningInstitute.com.  Turns out, this program is award winning in Ireland.  By means of videos and tutorials and assignments, the self paced program teaches coping strategies for lessening eating disorder symptoms.  The website is confusing to navigate, but after I figured it out, Part I of the Mindfulness Seminar, which was free, was very enlightening.  I am now embarking on the Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) Course.  Courses are about $65, (85 Euros), and take about 4 weeks to complete.  There is one other course offered, the Family Course.  In the free Mindfulness course, a simple, but amazingly powerful lesson was taught about emotions and food-free ways to deal with them. Learners are encouraged to write a list of emotions.  Next to each emotion, they are asked to write food/s which might match that emotion in a compulsive state.  For example - Bored - Popcorn, cookies.  Or Dejected - Icecream, grilled cheese.  Or Lonely - Donuts.  Then, we were asked to add an activity to match that feeling.  Bored - Popcorn and cookies - Visit a friend.  Dejected - Icecream and grilled cheese - Get a Manicure, Go to the Hottub at the gym.  Lonely - Donuts - Bring a neighbor cookies, Visit my mom, Go to the potluck, etc.  Now when I find myself thinking of food/binge eating at an inappropriate time, I am immediately drawn to ask myself, "What am I feeling right now?  Is there another activity that I might do that could address the emotion I'm feeling?"  Very powerful to associate FEELING FIRST, then FOOD, then ACTIVITY.  A particularly powerful statement on the website says, "IT'S NOT ABOUT THE FOOD, IT'S EMOTIONAL EATING.  One of the most common myths about eating disorders is that they are about food, or weight. This is not the case. Eating disorders are a way of coping with difficult feelings and emotions. A person engaging in abnormal behavior around food or weight, is doing so because they are trying to avoid dealing with something else."   I am excited to delve further into the courses in the coming weeks.                                          
2. Around the same time, I happened upon a website called "Becoming Thin Within," written by a chronically obese women who finally lost her excess weight for good, and not by dieting, but by simply changing her thoughts and beliefs about herself, using the Law of Attraction.  Sierra was stuck in her obesity but decided to follow her dream of moving to Hawaii to work with dolphins and whales anyway.  She was tired of putting her life on hold until she got thin.  Paradoxically, when she began her soul's work and dream despite her weight, suddenly she began to lose weight.  Sierra explains, "I decided to live my dream life and feeling so happy, I attracted a smaller body into my existence!"  Sierra's website is www.iam-iam-iam.com and she has a lovely blog at www.sierra-goodman.blogspot.com.  I have begun to read her e-book called "Becoming Thin," and am looking forward to starting the guided visualizations, and the teachings on Emotional Eating, Body Image, Exercise and Metabolism, Fear, and Stepping into Your Thin Body that I purchased very inexpensively.  Sierra proves happiness is the source of thinness, not the opposite!                                          
3. Thirdly I happened upon THE MOST AMAZING book in the oddest most innocuous place yesterday - a clothing store!  The generic looking diet book was on sale for $1, and I picked up "Never Be Fat Again" to peruse it casually.  I was like, "Wo, doggy."  Miraculously, the book completely supports what I learned at the Better Living Lifestyle Center.  I mean, how odd is it to pick up a diet book...just kind of waiting there for you...and to find it teaches a mostly raw vegan diet and outlines everything you needed to hear, to read, to know to pick yourself back up again!!  That is GOD at work, people!  This amazingly informative and well researched book is by an M.I.T. trained chemist who understands the science of regaining health and the science of weight loss.  There are endorsements from Dr. Joel Furhman, Dr. Harvey Diamond, and David Wolfe.  "Never Be Fat Again - The 6 Week Cellular Solution To Permanently Break The Fat Cycle" by Raymond Francis is going to help me get back on track, hallelujah!  Raymond Francis first wrote "Never Be Sick Again - Health Is A Choice - Learn How To Choose It," which details the same basic program for curing disease.  A link for
   "Never Be Fat Again" is www.amazon.com/Never-Be-Fat-Again-Permanently/dp/0757305318.                                                              
4. Finally, I am now watching videos of Esther Hicks/Abraham on www.youtube.com as well.  My wonderful friend, Joy (I love you, Joy King!!I) uses Abraham videos as an amazingly effective tool when she is feeling down or low and they always set her back on a positive vibe!  She suggested I do the same, and man, is it true!  These videos are just amazingly uplifting and re-directional and I'm so grateful she introduced me to them!  I am always amazed and inspired and uplifted in about 5 minutes.  I am truly beginning to understand more than ever that everything has to do with ENERGY, and either allowing it or disallowing it...   For specifics on diet, Abraham says (I'm paraphrasing), "There is so much contradiction out there, it's amazing anyone can find anything to eat anymore!  Between food combining and every book purporting food that's good or bad for you and all of the books contradicting one another, I'm surprised anyone has any food left to eat!"  This expression of utter frustration about knowing "what" to eat was so real and I really related.  So, what should we do?  Abraham simplifies it all and says, "Forget all of it."  "Eat what you believe will help you feel better and move forward."  A recent bowl of brussel sprouts and brown rice felt right when planning, and left me feeling energized.  How invigorating to feel in control. It's also nice that the "Never Be Fat Again" book and my Better Living Lifestyle program both supports those types of foods.  Here are a few particularly excellent youtube videos of Esther Hicks/Abraham: 
   • NATURAL WEIGHT LOSS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5iwooFszo8
   • DESPERATE TO LOSE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhL0KVwapxg
   • VORTEX WEIGHT LOSS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlG9JT97zEk

        

SO WHAT HAPPENED???

I've given it a great deal of thought.  What led to me falling off of my program?

After leaving the Better Living Lifestyle Center on November 4, 2012, I did really well on my "S.T.A.R.T. A.N.E.W." plan I'd learned there for an entire month:

• Sunshine - get outdoors daily
• Trust in God - uplifting spiritual quotes and reading, meditation, Abraham
• Attitude - positive no matter what 
• Rest - 8 hours a night
• Temperance - moderation with cooked and raw
• Air - stretching and vocalizing daily 
• Nutrition - mostly raw, chew, chew, chew, 2 meals a day, vegan, supplements
• Exercise -  walking daily 1-3 miles daily
• Water - 1.5 gallons daily for my body weight
• Cleansing - daily colon cleanses, charcoal and tea

I didn't do perfectly every day, but I felt an easy going trust in the program and in God and more importantly, in myself!  I was learning to trust that success doesn't demand perfection, and I was happily just doing the best I could, renewing my plan daily, getting up whenever I fell.  I struggled with water, the next day I did better, etc...

I lost more weight and was feeling so incredibly hopeful!

I bought a 2x Michael Kors top at Marshalls and danced around the fitting room!  I was so so so happy!     

_ _ _

After a particularly troubling visit with a friend some time later in early December, things seemed to go downhill.

I was enormously emotionally upset after the visit.  I'd felt like my life was invalidated, that everything I believed in was criticized.  

And, worse, back home, I'd just eaten lunch and staring into the fridge, was honestly certifiably hungry again.

I didn't understand what was happening to me.  My hunger had been growing steadily over the last week, and today seemed like a breaking point.  True, I was emotionally upset, but real hunger pangs don't lie. 

The less live nutrition we receive, the hungrier we are.  "Never Be Fat Again" is hugely instrumental in my new understanding of that.  

Now, I understand, but I didn't then.

On a purely physical level, I had progressively been eating more and more cooked at my Linner meal, absorbing less and less nutrition, thus feeling hungrier and hungrier.  

We'd run out of bananas, too, which meant my morning smoothie no longer satiated me without that dense caloric load of bananas.  I was feeling inordinately hungry all week and scared.  

I was also running out of most of my supplements and my hair began to fall out again and was greyer.  
All signs of nutritional depletion, I now understand.

Emotionally, this left me extremely extremely fragile and vulnerable.  It was a crux moment.

Upset about the meeting with my friend, but buried down even deeper than that, I was scared, confused, lonely, lacking support, reaching out but getting no answers, and seriously losing trust.  I was losing my footing and didn't know what to do.      

An extra meal after that lunch out to satiate my hunger, turned into a binge later.

I continued to fall over the coming days and weeks, abandoning the 2 meals for daily binges including dairy again.

Gaining weight, lacking energy, losing motivation, I became angrier and angrier at myself for failing.  Again.

The more upset I got, the more I ate.

A chronic sore throat and flu symptoms plagued me for weeks.  It was a pretty rough time, physically and emotionally.  Not to mention spiritually.  I was angry at God, too, and at everyone else who wasn't helping me.     

I think I wrote to Joy finally, being honest, telling her how depressed I'd gotten.  

_ _ _

Alas, with the new year came new energy!

In the snap of my fingers, I'd changed my outlook, and my energy and hope changed for the better.    

I have a significant hill to re-climb, but this is where I need to be today.  I understand I hadn't learned the lessons needed to allow me to stay where I was.    

Wish me luck.

And let me know how you're doing.

My affimations:

I am worthy!  I am strong!  I am perfect....just the way i am.  I am exactly WHERE I need to be!  I am a work in progress!  It's not how many times I fall, it's how many times I pick myself back up again that matters!

 

Lots of love to you all,
xoxo michelle joy