This Friday, April 2nd, FIRST FRIDAYS have arrived in LANSDALE, PA!

ARNOLDS WAY RAW VEGETARIAN CAFE AND EDUCATION CENTER, 319 W. MAIN STREET, LANSDALE, PA 19446 ~ 215-361-0116 ~ announces our FIRST First Friday, April 2nd, 5:30p.m. - 8:30p.m. featuring:

• special dinner menu by Chef Michelle
• 1$ off whips and smoothies
• free musical entertainment
• massages available
• raw food demos by Chefs Megan, Michelle and Arnold!

Our website: www.arnoldsway.com

Check out Arnolds Way videos at www.youtube.com/arnoldsway!

Become a FAN of Arnolds Way at Facebook and Twitter!

First Fridays is a NEW free monthly festival event for all ages in LANSDALE, PA, which includes musicians in concert, games and activities, and other outdoor and indoor entertainment.

Events at:- * The Kugel Ball * Touchstone Kitchens * Lansdale Performing Arts * Chantilly Floral Boutique * Wachovia Bank * Koehler's Jewelers * West Main Diner * Starbucks * Pavilion Shopping Center * Corner of Main and Wood Street * Manna on Main Street * Arnold's Way and many more... Over 90 sites of FREE entertainment!

Scenes from our store in Lansdale, PA! Full RAW VEGAN Menu! RAW KITCHEN appliances! Books, Un-cookbooks, every need for the raw kitchen, our own raw CHEEZE spreads, our own LIVIN' BREAD, Whips, Smoothies, New menu!, and so much more! Come on out... Hope to see you there! Chef Michelle

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xoxox michelle joy

Happy Passover!

The table is set! And, Family will be coming over this evening for the first Passover sedar. Here's a nice overall article outlining Passover, if you are interested:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passover

My heart is still a little heavy. Mom's weight has continued to come down. She is now under 120 lbs and seriously concerned. I noticed her pants absolutely HANGING on her, yesterday. My father is remote. He's worried.

And i'm thinking...'what will the company think?'

And what will she eat tonight? Salad...and Brad's Raw chips, along with me??? Won't that just be continuing the weight loss trend???

Just as an aside....it is so funny...ridiculous and unfair, actually...how two people can react SO differently to a diet. My mother loses her appetite and weight...and she doesn't NEED or WANT to. Then there's me. I'm gaining weight right now on "regular raw," because i overeat, and eat for pleasure and comfort instead of hunger, and haven't been exercising.

Mom and I had a heart to heart yesterday morning concerning where is going with the diet. She was very distressed. And we talked everything out, cried, hugged. There are many issues:

Food has been "coming up on her lately." I realize being busy getting ready for the holiday, she has not been walking daily. Walking daily helps people digest their food. My mother is already prone to severe stomach indigestion as it is. Perhaps because she hasn't walked, she's digesting worse. And she hasn't been working up much of an appetite either. She used to eat 6x a day. Now, 3 or if i'm lucky, 4.

The weight loss continues to be a concern. Those 'articles' about raw food 'malnutrition' and 'severe weight loss' seem to be forebearers of what's happening to her. So, i try to offer her heavier dishes...for example, I made her guacamole the other night, thinking this'll help her gain weight. She ate about a Tbsp of it, got full, AND, she was sick all night. The garlic was 'repeating' on her. I've been using garlic DAILY for weeks in almost EVERY dish...and now garlic is bothering her, too?

My mother is not willing or emotionally able to do what some skinny people do on raw - lose considerable amounts of weight until they become emaciated - and then allow their bodies to rebuild. One of our customers, Chloe, got down to 70 lbs on raw. This is a process of detoxifying, which can happen when people don't have eating disorders like me! Raw food is low in calories and highly satiating if one listens intently to their body. The body WANTS to shed it's excess toxins and weight. And when the body is able to rebuild on raw, the body starts gaining.

Enough is enough for my mom already. She is not THAT committed to healing naturally to allow herself to become emaciated.

I think we'll try again with the steamed potatoes again today.

The last time she ate potatoes, it was reported to me afterwards that she felt awful and had a nose bleed. Mom explained, finally, the nosebleed was BEFORE the potato. Getting a story straight around here, you need to be a detective. And, I think we'll try with a salad first to aid digestion.

Mom also routinely takes pills every night. Sleeping pill, stomach pill, pain pill. And she feels guilty about it, knowing i dissaprove. "Please don't be mad at me," she cried, "I HAVE to. I need to sleep." She CHOOSES to.

Mom reported still not WANTING surgery, but being concerned for my reaction should she decide to have it. "Please don't be mad at me or think you're a failure if i need to have surgery!", Mom cried.

My heart breaks for her. This is NOT easy.

I was, however, encouraged by her committment and love of the green smoothies, "Who wouldn't love them, they are so delicious! I'll definitely continue to do them!," she reported. And, I was encouraged by her willingness to stick it out on raw until she gets her blood test taken on Tuesday.

The blood test will determine if her sugar is still high, her potassium and iron still low. We will also get confirmed if there is cancer in her blood. There has been no sign of cancer in her blood, so we won't expect to see any new occurances, there was possible cancer only in her thyroid tumors and stomach polyp. And we'll see if her astronomically high cholesterol (for a very very thin person) has decreased. I'm certain it will have decreased significantly.

After the blood test comes back, she wants to start adding more cooked foods to her diet, but remain vegetarian. She wants to gain weight and eat in such a way that promotes a healthy tumor/polyp-free body. Since i've heard that many people lose cancer on Macrobiotic diets, I'm thinking we'll steer in that direction for dinner time, but keep up the green smoothies and salads during the day time. As long as a diet is vegetable and fruit based, it's got to be healthier than what she was eating before. At least this is the general plan at the moment.

In two months, she'll have an ultrasound to determine if the thyroid tumors are still there. And at some point, she'll see if another endoscopy can be ordered to check the stomach polyp.

One day at a time. One meal at a time. One moment at a time.

For now, let's just be grateful for what health we DO have, for our family, for the good things, for the chance to all be together again. Yes, let's cherish these times together.

Happy Pesach,
xoxo michelle joy

RAW CATERING...Some want it...some don't...

Morning,

Today I'm headed to SUSAN AMAN'S house, yay, for a business meeting! Susan is a living foodist, educator, fitness trainer, and Registered Nurse, AND my catering partner, and we have TWO big raw catering jobs coming up in May! One is a 'sustainable living' dinner in Chestnut Hill, PA, where all of the plates/utensils will be bio-degradable, and the theme will be 'Baccanalean/Garden of Eden'. The second event is a graduation party in Swarthmore, PA. Wish us luck!!!

From great news...to dissappointing news. My mom is apparently running out of steam on raw. Last night she said, "I don't know how much longer i can do this."

I noticed a box of Passover cookies a dear friend of ours sent her on the counter near her chair. "Mom, why is the box sitting there, next to YOUR chair? Because you want to eat them?," I asked.

"Yes, yes, i do," she answered.

She keeps reminding me we agreed to do a month raw. "Remember we said a month?"

I suppose almost 4 weeks is a month in her book.

Honestly, i think this all has something to do with Passover approaching. I think she's jonesing for those cookies and for Matzoh with butter and fried matzoh. It occurs to me that cultural jewish food....is all off limits as a raw foodist. Being a raw foodist kind of strips you clean of all culture...of all religion...of judaism.

But, as i write this, i can't help feeling filled with fear. If my mother goes back to eating "normally," her "normally," what will happen to her 'questionable' thyroid tumors and her stomach polyp (if it's still there....), and will her pain return???

I've discussed with my mom, often, foods i thought would be healthy for her if she wanted to eat cooked - steamed veggies, steamed potatoes, brown rice, perhaps beans.

Cookies weren't really a consideration. I don't think white flour and sugar are good for cancer.

Frankly, i'm dissappointed. And saddened. And i'm fearful. I don't know what will happen with mom's health. I don't know if she will opt for surgery. What will happen if Cliff and I leave..and go back home. Will she actually make and drink green smoothies still for breakfast? Or revert to her cookie and cake based diet?

Pray for us!

xxoox michelle joy

Durian!

Howdy,

So, my fabulously wonderful boss, Arnold, of Arnolds Way Raw Vegetarian Cafe and Education Center, in Lansdale, PA...said to give my mom DURIAN...to help her gain weight while she's following a raw diet under my guidance (almost 4 weeks), since she's so skinny already and has the family and friends freaking out she's getting emaciated.

So...I trekked to the neighborhood ASSI Market, an Asian supermarket near work, and purchased pre-frozen pitted shelled Durian flesh that comes in a little clear plastic container in the freezer section there. Molto convenient. No, I didn't want to send the family packing with the stink smell of the fresh stuff. When you crack open the prickly brown shell, a stink so sour, like a hair salon permanent wave left on far too long, permeates the house...for DAYS! So, the pre-packaged stuff it was. This is what we occasionally use at work.

So, i added 1/2 of a frozen pitted pod of durian to a nice spinach, fuji apple smoothie, with a 1/4 of an avo (to also help her gain weight), and blended it up with banana and dates and filtered water. A weight gainers delight. And i'm drinking the stuff, too, uy vey!

"BLECH!"

Mommy absolutely HATED it!!!

And said it tasted like onions. It was so foul to her, but she was strong and finished her smoothy. The last sip, she noted, wasn't THAT bad.

I had to laugh. I had a similar reaction the first time i tried durian. While Cliff happily lapped up entire scrambled egg/vanilla pudding-like pods, i retched...just from the smell alone, and could barely get it down.

YET..., over time, something changed! I now L-O-V-E durian, oh, my!, and am the first in line to pluck a pod from the open chambers when Arnold or Megan gift us with a surprise fresh Durian at work. Man, is it GOOD! The last one we had was on the dry side and reminded me of fried chicken!!!! The one before that was simply PERFECTION! Sweet, custardy. AMAZING! It doesn't even SMELL bad to me anymore...

Unfortunately, it didn't appeal to mommy dearest.

Also, the steamed sweetpotato didn't sit well with her. Strangely, the first time she ate it the day before, she was fine. Maybe because it was preceded by a salad? The next day, she felt zapped of energy and sick to her stomach after trying it alone. And she got a nose bleed.

Okay, no more sweet potato.

No more durian.

"You really have your hands full with me. You really have a hard case with me." RUTH SCHULMAN, confessing to her daughter in the hallway.

Today's one of those hard days. I'm feeling stressed. Mom is doubtful again about raw and says, "I don't know what i want to do." Meaning, she doesn't know if she wants to stick with changing her diet...as opposed to just getting surgery to remove her thyroid and her stomach polyp.

No, i must admit, actually taking RESPONSIBILITY for one's health and changing one's diet is the HARDER route to take.

Or is it???

There is a much greater chance of lifelong health THIS way. But most people just want a quick fix. They can't imagine that life to could harder AFTER surgery. They only see sunshine and roses about surgery. Remember the gaping hole story i told you about? The customer whose mom had her breast cut out and now has a giant gaping hole under her arm that needs to be packed with towels? Do you think she thought THAT would happen????

You see, my Mom pops sleeping pills every night. She is obviously of the quick fix variety. She would rather subject her body to torture...than feel uncomfortable downing some durian....

I feel depressed today.

And i'm still sick. After two weeks, i still have considerable congestion in my chest. I got freaked about the D.E. and didn't take it last night. Apparently it is ground up shrimp or something.

Plus, with my constant hacking and hoarse voice, I hear them all whispering here about how i should go to The Doctor. THE DOCTOR!!! Hail, the HOLY DOCTOR!!!!

And i can't help but wonder if THEY wonder, "If raw is so healthy, why is SHE sick?" What do THEY know from Detox? And is what i'm experiencing really DETOX or just a reaction to overload on Brad's Raw Chips????

All i can say is...it's a wonder that since my dad AND cliff and ME have been sick with this cold/flu thing, that my mom hasn't caught it yet.

Sometimes, you have to be thankful for the little things.

xoxo michelle joy

Diatomaceous Earth

Okay, so i've been taking this stuff for like more than a week i think, maybe two weeks. Once a night. It looks like white ground up dirt and mixes easily with water. It has no taste when you drink it. It hasn't been unpleasant in the least.

Two customers at Arnolds Way HIGHLY recommended it. One, Chloe, swears by it. Her hair is actually turning back to BLACK since taking it. And another customer takes the food grade Diatomaceous earth she bought for her pets, and everytime i see her she beams, "I just LOVE it!"

I bought a brand called, "TOXICLEANSE" that i found at Holly Hills outside of Lansdale, PA, on Rt. 63.

Chloe had given me this giant write up about the amazing benefits of D.E. (for short, it's too long to write out each time.). This REALLY convinced me. I'll have to dig that out and write some about it. I assumed i could easily find something good online about it, but i wasn't able to find much on a search just now, except for stuff that scared me. This wikipedia article doesn't say ANYTHING about human consumption.

This article just freaked me out:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diatomaceous_earth

I started my mom on it last night, as the write up from Chloe says it will remove polyps from the colon, which is what my mother has. Apparently D.E. is ground up rocks or something and it is almost as hard as diamonds originally and it goes through the colon and bowel like a sweeper and sweeps it clean. Sounds good, no?

I can tell you one thing. I think it is without a doubt bringing up a lot of mucous in me. I've been sick for, what, two weeks, and it's STILL hanging on, which is making me think this is more of a DETOX EPISODE. Lots and lots of yellow mucous is STILL coming up from my chest. And i dare say, i think the D.E. is helping to bring it all up. You'll remember all of those blog entries admitting to real cheese pizza binges and lots of fried food. Well....it's cleaning me OUT!!!

Anybody out there taking it? Any one have any good online articles for it?

I started taking it myself FIRST to see if i would have any horrid side effects before giving it to my mother.

Poor thing, she is STILL hangin' in there, doing great, looking good but skinny, eating raw nearly 4 weeks(except last night i finally made her steamed sweet potato on Arnold's advice. this will help her to gain weight, he said. i should also get her fresh durian and fresh coconut). mom and i meet in the unlit hallway by my bedroom here sometimes for little intimate chats. Last night she was scared again, "I can't do this forever," she cries. I comfort her, "Mom, can you do it for TOMORROW??????" "I can," she agrees.

She cried last night, "I don't WANT to have surgery!!!!"

That was music to my ears.

"But," she asked, "How will i KNOW if the polyp and the tumors are gone...just from the diet?"

We talked about the Acid/Alkeline concept and how cancer can't live in an alkeline environment.

I replied, "Mom, You don't. You don't. You just TRUST."

She gave me a big hug and told me how much she loved me. I love her, too. That's why i want her to be WELL, not just get some body parts cut out to get sick again with something AFTER THAT.

"This way," I explain, "You WONT get sick again!"

xoxo michelle joy

My Mom's Favorite Green Smoothie...Magically Mysterious Recipes...& A Reader Breathes Easier!!!

Hello Folks,

So, i've been adding avo to my mom's smoothies to fatten her up. You should hear her 'ooh' and 'ahhh' every morning. This is her favorite green smoothie:

In vitamix, add all organic ingredients:

• 2 whole pitted dates, chopped up, in a little water...let sit in vitamix to soften up while you prepare and throw everything else in
• flesh of 1/2 avo
• handful strawberries... you can keep the green stems on if you want, just wash thoroughly
• 1 banana
• flesh of 1 mango
• 3 giant handfuls of organic baby spinach
• agave, if extra sweetness needed last minute
• filtered water
• icecubes

This will fill up entire vitamix, so there is plenty for the whole family or for later. The texture is silky and santiny. My mom loves this so much, she exclaimed this morning, "THIS IS LIKE A TREAT....INSTEAD OF A TREATMENT!" Is that cute, or what? Yes, i would dare say that a green smoothie is much preferable alternative to chemo treatments. Try this and let me know how you like it!

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THE MAGICALLY MYSTERIOUS RAW RECIPE E-BOOK
Here is a lovely note from Carol who purchased Meredith Frantz's new E-Recipe Book, which you can purchase by clicking right here: http://poppyseedtree.bigcartel.com/ Click over RIGHT NOW to purchase Meredith's e-cookbook for FANTASTIC RECIPES...ALL of them are SUREFIRE winners!!!

Dear Meredith - cc: Michelle

Today I purchased your E-Book. I made the Cucumber Dill Dressing late this afternoon and had some on my salad tonight. It is totally awesome. Michelle Schulman is right your food rocks. Tomorrow I will try the Zesty Red Pepper Cheese Dip.

Thanks so much for sharing.

Best regards,
Carol

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RAW FOOD HELPS JAN TO BREATHE EASIER!
Here is part of a note that Jan sent me. Jan suffers from COPD. Let's cheer Jan on her journey into raw food and natural remedies!!! Bravo, Jan, you are a brave warrior...keep up the great work!!!! Sometimes simple changes are astoundingly powerful. I love you and we all send our healing vibes to you!!!

After talking to [the Naturopath] on Friday morning my breathing issues got worse. I decided to brew up some of two teas that John at 'Oh Happy Days' [her local healthfood store] had recommended for breathing issues as well as diligently taking the new supplements that I had started a couple of weeks ago, but had slacked off taking somewhat. Also, I decided to eat very simply and lightly which ultimately resulted in being completely raw the rest of the day. I called John in the late afternoon and asked him what else I could do/take and he said that I could take up to 300 mg. of CoEnzyme Q10 in a day, so I took another capsule at that time. Within an hour or two I felt marked relief from the terrible tightness in my chest! What a relief. And I drank lots and lots of water all day long. So, supplements, water, medicinal teas, and a raw diet made a huge difference in how I felt. And I actually had a good night, relatively, sleeping. And then this morning I still felt improved. When I looked in the mirror I couldn't believe it but my complexion just glowed and my eyes looked so clear. None of the blood shot redness that is often present. All these good things with such simple changes!!

xoxo michelle joy

Upsetting Articles About Raw

Good morning,

It feels like a roller coaster ride with mom.

She's DOING great...as far as staying on her raw diet, enjoying her food immensely, but since she's lost some weight on her already skinny frame, everyone is freaking out.

She even got an email today from a supposed friend who sent a story about a 120 lbs girl who ate raw and....ate herself down to 60 lbs. Gee, thanks for that frightfest email.

My mom said in response to this, however, chuckling,"Don't you think by the time she got down to 70 lbs she would have said, 'gee, this may not be working.'" So, my mother took it not really seriously. But i couldn't help as she was telling me this (she was in a shadow in the kitchen in the evening with many lights shut off) seeing truly how skinny she HAS gotten. You can see the bones of her face, her cheeks.

I made sure to give her extra avocado yesterday, but her appetite is small. She only finishes half or 3/4 of her salads and only finished half of her zucchini spaghetti, which she loved, but didn't finish. I wonder if i should push her to finish her plates. she does eat a considerable amount of dried fruit during the day, raisins, apricots, prunes. I wanted to let her self-guide, in a way, because maybe she NEEDS something in these foods. I don't know. I am not a nutritionist.

Anyway, my father is also freaking out about her losing weight. I try to be level headed. I say, "Dad, Think about it. If she was in the hospital on intravenous and then recouping at home from stomach surgery, wouldn't she be losing weight anyway, and be in WORSE SHAPE?"

NO one wants to see the DOWNSIDE of the surgery. They just see it as the magic pill. My father is so afraid about this non cancerous polyp in her stomach that has 10-15% chance of even TURNING cancerous, he wants it OUT. (I'm telling him it WILL leave...on it's own. And the tumors on her thyroid should shrink now that we're eating alkeline.)

I hear such stories at Arnolds Way about surgeries gone wrong. For instance, here's one. We'll call her Kate. Kate reported, "My mother had a breast removed and there was a gaping hole in her chest which turned into a blood filled balloon which popped open and now they have to pack her chest with towels."

Lovely. I would not wish that on my worst enemy.

Kate's mother can't eat raw now because she needs to take Cumadin. And apparently people who take Cumadin can't tolerate anything green. That's frightening. Kate reported, "I had previously put her on raw for a few weeks when i was there with her and she did SO well on it and felt so much better and healed so quickly, but as soon as i left and she went off, her healing stopped. The rate of her healing on raw...was astounding."

We should be GRATEFUL Mommy Ruthie is thriving so well on raw. So, she's a little thinner. Her hemmorhoid is vastly improved. Her bloodshot eyes are clear. Her constant urges to urinate are gone. Her stomach pains have been gone since day 2. She has now completed 3 weeks and is moving towards 4. Her constipation is gone. She poops 3x/day some days. ALL of these things...she really does not REALIZE. I constantly need to remind her. She's in DENIAL...big time. Wait until she goes back to how she was eating and realizes all of the symptoms she has again.

The only thing that has me really worried aside from the weight loss is her, well, pharmaceutical drug use. Mommy Ruth is really a pill popper. She takes sleeping pills if she can't sleep. She takes pain pills. What am i to do? I discourage her from pill use. I can't be with her 24 hours a day. It is her hand that reaches for pills. Who knows if all of the toxins from these are what the thyroid tumors are comprised of. I can only do my best and feed her well and try to educate her. She just loves pills.

She also received another email from her supposed friend alerting her to the warnings of malnutrition on raw. This has me very disturbed. Does this friend actually think i'm trying to KILL my mother???? My intentions are the best. Yes, the weight loss is a concern, but she's only lost maybe 3 lbs on raw. The rest she lost in the MONTHS before raw when she was in excrutiating pain from her standard american diet.

Does raw make one malnourished?

Do I LOOK MALNOURISHED???????

Actually, you know what i'll do? I'll send these emails with articles from "About.com" to my catering partner, Susan, who is a Registered Nurse, and see what her response is.

You can also please respond. Please read these and let me know what you think.

ORTHOREXIA ARTICLE
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/OnCall/orthorexia-obsession-healthy-foods-leads-eating-disorder/story?id=10173614

RAW FOOD DIET ON WWW.ABOUT.COM
http://altmedicine.about.com/od/popularhealthdiets/a/Raw_Food.htm

xoxo michelle

TOP 5!!!

1. RAW REPORT: Hi there! Still hangin' in there! I'm 27 days raw. My mom is about 2.5 weeks. So, raw is happenin' here at Chez Schulman.

2. THE LITTLE TRAIN THAT COULD: My mom is going through another emotional phase. Yesterday and today she uttered the following phrase at least 10x/day, "I don't think i could do this forever." (referring to her new raw diet). She went out to dinner with friends and I packed her dinner for her. We answer, "Ma, one day at a time!" She retorts, "I'll finish the month out, but i don't think i could do this forever...watching them eat the icecream...it was so hard." I try to get to get to the bottom of it. "Ma, is this really THAT hard? Are you suffering so? I've been doing this for nearly 3.5 years. You love the banana icecream. Is it really THAT hard? You have to deprive yourself, but if your possible cancer leaves, isn't it worth it? Weigh it all out. So, is it really THAT hard???" "No," she answers. So i probe her about a million times more. "Does it taste bad? Does your stomach feel bad? Do you really miss foods?, which are all answered in the negative. So, i conclude it's just FEAR. FEAR of the unknown. FEAR of deprivation. AND, her back hurts her quite a bit and this distresses her very much. "Shouldn't this diet be making my back feel better?" "Ma, sometimes things get worse before they get better," i answer. "Could it be stress", i ask? And then go on to explain that when we eat raw our emotions want to come up and maybe she stores stress and repressed emotions in her back. So i give her a backrub and she seems better for the moment. ONE DAY AT A TIME. Overall emotionally, my mother is so much calmer, she's just fearful. Cliff realizes, "We just need to babysit her emotionally...and spoonfeed her raw food." That's just what we're doing. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

3. THE MAGICAL MYSTERY BUS PROJECT!!!!! HEAR YE - HEAR YE - GET THE OVER RIGHT NOW TO WWW.THERAWSEED.COM FOR MEREDITH FRANTZ'S NEW AMAZING PHENOMENOL RAW E-COOKBOOK! It is packed with not only FANTASTIC recipes, but so much inspirational writing and photography, that you will feel transported to a magical realm where dreams...become reality...where busses...can FLY!!!! Can raw food really taste and LOOK as good as cooked? Well, if you are one of the lucky to sample Meredith's creations, you will come away knowing that HER raw food tastes BETTER than cooked! The ability to follow her recipes? Simply magical!! Each one of you who purchases her e-cookbook will not only be generously rewarded in that you are getting first hand MASTER recipes from a MASTER RAW CHEF, but this meager investment will set you on the path of becoming your OWN raw chef! Master the 5 flavors and you will NEVER be stuck again with tasteless salads. You will KNOW how to flavor raw food. Meredith's e-book shows you how and is a MUST HAVE!!! Plus, get this, Meredith and Dustin have purchased a big giant yellow bus that they are gutting and refurbishing to be a traveling raw caravan so they can cater weddings, come and stay with you and make you raw, and share their loving, healing, inspirational energy and know how and recipes with all of us - far and near. Purchase the e-book today! http://www.therawseed.com/

4. MEXICAN PARTY - UTTER SUCCESS!!!! - Man, was i exhilerated after singing at the Mexican party!!!! You have no idea how AMAZING it feels to sing SUPERBLY WELL after having struggled for so many years. AND i was sick! But, through all of these new lessons...and voice lessons for 15 years...i'm really figuring vocal technique out. I sang OVER my cold, and was FREE, EASY, WONDERFUL! My old choir friends at the party commented, "We've all decided we really hate you...because you can sing like THAT..and be sick!" It was a compliment, but a sort of a mean spirited one. One draw back of getting good is that some people are honestly jealous and envious. It's something i'll have to learn to cope with. And, let me tell you, if i say i was GOOD, i must have been fantastic!!! I'm my own worst critic. I'm telling you, i am REALLY GAINING DAILY control of my voice, more and more SKILL with my voice. Now...if only i could gain that with FOOD!!

5. EMOTIONAL EATING: Okay, so i had one evening of utter BLISS after singing...such exuberance that i performed well, i could hardly calm down, so you know, i had some snacks to celebrate! And then today, i was anxious all day and all i did was snack. Why? My next opera rehearsal is on Thursday and i'm reacting! Uy, uy, uy. Oh well, i really should stop worrying. I was pretty darned good at my first rehearsal, but now this is where the rubber meets the road. It would BEHOOVE me to memorize at least the first act for Thursday, so i can perform as well as i did yesterday! It feels so AMAZING to sing well. It's like iceskating and doing 5 triple axles. That's how good it feels. How good does emotional eating feel? Well, it feels like gas and reflux, that's what it feels like. Not too pleasant!

Please, God, brand that on my brain! I am an amazing singer and I deserve to have more and more success in both controlling my singing AND my eating!!

xoxo michelle joy

Over The Hump!

Hiya,

I had a MUCH better day yesterday. I practiced my opera quite a bit and had the rehearsal in the evening, which went much better than expected. I did well. I have some sticky points to go over, but all in all, "well done," said the accompanist of my work.

I was surprisingly CALM yesterday. The nerves/anxiety/agitation of the days before were gone. I suppose i faced my demons? I worked on my opera, and eating was not an issue. You see? The out-of-control eating is a symptom of something larger eating ME. Just a little work, and oila', binge eating, gone.

I ate when i was hungry yesterday and had a great raw food day. Yay.

I do, however, have a COLD!!! I am KICKING myself for letting myself go without E3LIve for like a 1/2 week. Why didn't i just make the drive to Arnold's to pick it up??? Even if i overdid it with raw chips and raw fudge and lots and lots of fatty raw snacks...in a row...the E3Live was keeping me WELL. I wasn't sick a DAY on it. Immediately without it, i felt a difference. HONESTLY. I felt ACHEY.

Now, i have to perform on Saturday and i can only hope that I will be okay.

Mom is doing great.

She is, however, having some issues of food sometimes "coming up" on her, of her burping up food or feeling heartburn. We're trying to figure out what does it to her. I can go into a long and drawn out thing about that, but i'll save that for another day.

The sun is shining again in Philly.

If it weren't for my cold, i'd say i feel pretty good, pretty happy, and proud of myself for coming through last night at my rehearsal so well. All i needed was a little WORK. Why i resist that sometimes, i don't know. I get so overwhelmed, anxiety, start freaking out, start eating, don't stop eating, go shopping to get more food, eat more, vegitate, procrastinate. Am i the only one who does this? Can anyone relate? STOP THE INSANITY!!!

The one downside about last night were a few of the other singers. They are, how should i put it?...not good. If that doesn't convince me that i should be pursuing opera on a higher level, i don't know what will. It will be hard to invite people to the opera knowing the main person i am singing with does not sing in key, in rhythm, and sounds like an Andrea Bocelli wanna-be with a bleeting goat vibrato and ultra high larynx (singing people might know what that means). It doesn't sound good. Maybe he will get better. There was one singer who was just lovely and i drew much, much pleasure from listening to her and singing with her! After the rehearsal it was mutual admiration club for the both of us. I am so pleased to have found a kindred spirit, a lovely musical polished singer. Do i sound like a jerk? I don't mean to be, i just enjoy what is GOOD. And the music, Donizetti, is just SO gorgeous, so i thoroughly enjoyed just enjoying the music.

I'll just do my best and that'll be that.

Today's a work day. It would be best for me to keep my eating on the lighter side since i have a cold and have to sing on Saturday. I'm fearful writing that because i'll do the opposite now! Wish me luck.

xoox michelle

The Sun is Shining!

Good morning,

It's a bright sunny day and i'm in such a pleasant mood this morning! :-))

There's mom and dad at Hawaiin night here at their 55+ community a few years back.

Mom is doing GREAT. It's also SO amazing to listen to my mom talk to her friends on the phone about her raw food diet. She uses vocabulary like, "IF i need surgery..." now. It's just AMAZING. She's becoming one of "us"!!!

I started the diatomaceous earth 2 nights ago. I'll let you know how it goes. I'm doing a trial on myself before i put my mom on it.

I ran out of E3Live and haven't taken it for at least 2 days...and am congested with cold-like symptoms!!! I'll be at Arnold's tomorrow and the FIRST thing i am going to make sure i buy before i leave for home is going to be E3Live!!! It has kept me from being sick for MONTHS!! Now, i stop it...and kablooey.

Yesterday was a hard day for me. I had LOTS of cooked food thoughts. Yesterday was day 21 on raw for me, a very important milestone. I held on tight and did not fall off the wagon, though i had many fantasies about boca burger wraps and onion rings. Ever present in my mind, however, are the consequences of going off of raw for me: how hard it will be to get back on, weight gain, bloated face, cravings, worse reflux, how it will impact my mother's raw diet. I'm glad i've been able to hang in there.

However, my raw eating is awful. Constant snacking. From nerves.

I'm under so much stress that i feel kind of paralyzed. Not so much from my mom. Well, yes, she is my main responsibility right now, but most of the stress is from my music work. If you're artistic, you might understand. I have so much artistic energy it either goes into CREATING beauty or into CREATING CHAOS. Unfortunately, i'm stuck in a negative pattern right now. Lots of compulsive snacking, albeit raw foods, it's still compulsive. And it's really the worst thing for me, because it gives me reflux. And reflux affects my singing voice. And I have to sing at a party on Saturday and have my first opera rehearsal TONIGHT for Donizetti's Belisario.

I do feel hoarse and congested. But i think it is just my body's way of saying, "Hey, bozo, cool it with the snacking." I'll drink lots of green smoothies today and clear out the addiction to 2 bags daily of Brad's Raw Chips. They are so good, but even if you overdo flax chips, you still get clogged up.

I have more work to do on my opera today, but worked on it last night with Cliff and feel much better about it today. It's amazing what difference a little work makes in my mental outlook. I feel much calmer today.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm easily overwhelmed and prone to just stuffing instead of taking action. Fear kind of paralyzes me. I'm glad to be chipping out of the cycle and making headway in my work.

Tomorrow and Friday i work at Arnold's Way, so mom will be on her own for most of the day. She's hangin' in there like a total trooper. I am so blessed to have such a cooperative mommy. I'll leave her smoothies and dressings. Today i'm making her a lovely beet and zucchini slaw. And i'll shave some cabbage for her today, too. You need a change up from green salads every once in a while, otherwise it gets boring.

And we're changing up her green smoothies ALL of the time. Today was collards, yesterday spinach, tomorrow will be dandelion greens. She doesn't much like the romaine ones, but they're good for you, so easy to digest. We've also done kale. And i'll use the beetgreens from the beets, too. Ya gotta mix up y'er greens!

Wish my mom and my dad a HAPPY ANNIVERSARY today...54 years together! May they have another 54...!!

xox michelle joy

Old 5x Clothes Find a Home!!!!

Hi folks,

Man, i'm just beaming ear to ear!!! I just received the most wonderful emails.

We'd been doing spring cleaning and i had all of my old 5x clothing in storage. They fit me when i was 150 lbs heavier and thank GOD didn't fit me anymore, so i wanted to find a home for them.

I normally donate clothes to Salvation Army, but being 5x, i figured that was kind of a specialty. How many Supersize women do you see shopping out at the Salvation Army?? I even tried to give them to my friend who owns a consignment shop, but she didn't want them, since the highest she will take is 3x!!! So, I was going to donate them to a friend who runs an exercise class for supersize women, but then i got an email note!

I had put an ad on Craigslist selling the clothes. I had spent oodles of dollars on those expensive supersize clothes and wondered if i might be able to get some of it back in return for the clothes. They were gorgeous, by the way. No matter what size, i was a hot babe, always dressed nicely. No one responded to the ad for weeks...and my friend with the supersize exercise class agreed to take them, that they would certainly find a home with her clientle....and then all of a sudden i received a note from a woman in California, whose disabled 4x/5x sister who lives in Jersey City, NJ could really use the clothes and she wanted to buy 30 peices of what I had...for her sister! Skirts, shirts, jumpers...

That was such a blessing! A person in need, meeting another person in need. The money would help tremendously.

My mom and I ironed everything and shipped off a big box of beautiful clothing to Catherine in Jersey City, NJ last Wednesday and we've been dying to hear, and finally today i did!!

I really feel blessed, especially since Catherine is disabled and the clothes are so very appreciated by her and her sister. What a good sister Catherine has to buy clothes for her...all the way from California!!!

I'm thrilled they want to buy more...because i do have some more things, and not working these two weeks, i could really use the money!!!

And Catherine will receive more beautiful things!!! My weight loss has not only benefitted me...but a lovely lady in Jersey City, NJ!!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Michelle,

I was with my sister, Catherine this weekend, and she is just thrilled with the clothes! She showed me every piece. She has had a difficult life and never owned such beautiful things. We are both so happy to have found you!

Bless you,
Marydawn

~ ~ ~ ~

Dear Michelle Schulman,

Thank you so much for the big box of outfits. Everything is lovely and it's all in great shape. You really packed it well and it isn't even wrinkled. I love all the prints and fabrics and i'm sure everything will fit. It's really great to have some new clothes for work. I have a new boss so nice clothes are a must now.

That was a fair price for so many beautiful outfits. Do you have any other things you would like to sell? I could use some summer stuff like short sleeve tshirts, tank tops or skirts.

I can't wear pants because nerve damage in my legs makes them too painful. I do wear loose shorts though. I'm usually a 4 or 5x. I can wear the 26/28 tshirts from places like Avenue or Lane Bryant.

Blessings, Catherine Miller

~ ~ ~ ~

xoxo michelle joy

Hunger

Good afternoon,

I've always considered this blog a safe haven for me. Somewhere i could vent. Like a journal. And not be too concerned with what others think. Just let it out. Right where i'm at. I'm sorry if i'm not inspirational. I'm LOW on spirituality the last few days. I feel depleted.

It's almost 1pm and we're all just kind of getting going here. With the time change, I slept late. And also, i overate yesterday, and my body was not energetic, but wanted to sleep it off.

Mom is holding steady. Today will be 13 days raw for her. She is able to cope so well with the raw because i told her she can turn vegetarian after this. It's helping her see being raw as a short do-able goal. I DO think, actually, she might be okay eating vegetarian after being raw for a while. MANY people overcome cancer on a Macrobiotic diet. But, for today, she is totally and completely committed to raw. ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Today is 20 days raw for me.

You think i'd be happy, but i feel miserable!

I've not been waiting for hunger to eat. And i'm overeating. It's joyless this way. Compulsive. And i feel miserable. I know i said that. And I feel heavier. I feel low on energy. I haven't weighed myself. What's the point?

I have to congratulate myself that at least it's raw, but, it's really bad, how i am with food. Or how i CAN be with food. The first week or so here, i was in the zone, only eating when i was hungry. Sharing meals with mom. I'm pretty sure i was losing weight then. Slowly, but yes, i think i was.

Now, I'm out of the zone. I'm off of her schedule. I'm eating whenever i want and not when i'm hungry. I'm a mess.

Yes, i've been 10 BILLION times worse with what i was actually EATING, but i feel just as bad.

But since i'm still raw my face looks good. Hey, I am grateful for that!!! When i've eaten cooked, i look horrendous, my face blown up like a balloon. At least my face looks ok!! Yay!

And i ran out of E3Live. I'm feeling like crap on that account as well, i think.

The thing about eating raw food compulsively is that it really doesn't give that much pleasure. Fried onion rings?? Boca Burger Wraps??? They give oodles of pleasure.

Well, i suppose when it's eaten compulsively, the pleasure ANY food gives is short lived. Why do i aim for THAT fleeting pleasure, when there can be so much MORE PLEASURE in life, by saying NO to eating compulsively???? Why do i still DO that when i KNOW better????

Old habits die hard.

And knowing i'm spending so much money on bags and bags of Brad's Raw Chips that i devour by the bag in one sitting $6.99/bag is making me feel guilter.

One good note. The germinated basil almond pate i made for mom is awesome.

So i AM making everything else by hand for us - it's just the damned flax crackers that go so quickly here, mostly because of my compulsive need to snack on them. But, truth be told, mom could eat a whole bag herself in one sitting. They go VERY quickly!

Cliff is bringing the Excalibur over tonight so i can make crackers here. "This is crazy!," I just said, "I can't keep spending money like this on flax crackers!!" Yes, Brads Raw Chips are convenient. Yes, they come in yummy assorted flavors.

Hell, yes, i can make them myself. That's what I do for a living.

Why DO we buy convenience foods when we can do it ourselves???? Let's see. What's easier? Getting in the car and going to the market, maybe a 30 minute deal.

Or making them yourself. Flax crackers are a three day deal. One day to soak the flax/buckwheat. Two days to dry.

Gee, i'd venture to say it's something about the CONVENIENCE FACTOR that makes bagged raw chips so appealing...

I also made a sun-dried tomato pate, and a creamy ranch dressing, all from the germinated skinned almonds. Fabulous! I can be a good little cheffess.

I have a music rehearsal tonight. I'm smart enough to know i'm stressed because of that. When i'm stressed, i eat. My opera rehearsals begin in 3 days.

I tried to meditate this morning, but fell asleep. And then when i got up, i was NOT hungry, but i ate.

i'll get out of this slump.

I have two options. I just HAVE to get over this hump and get back on track, listening to hunger, addressing it, stopping when i've had enough - OR - go on a meal schedule. Both ways work and i've done them both. With the first way, you just WAIT, WAIT, WAIT on hunger...and then eat, only until you've had enough. With the second way, you eat frequently, say 6 small meals a day on a schedule. And soon enough, you realize you don't NEED to overeat because you HAVE another snack coming very soon.

I actually think way two is the BEST way to get out of a slump. I think i am going to implement it. That means, you eat EVEN when you're NOT hungry, as long as you stick to the schedule. But soon enough, you TEACH yourself how much more pleasurable it is to eat when you're hungry and you naturally begin to eat LESS and LESS at each meal. This is the approach i used when i followed Dr. Christopher Fairburn's book, "Overcoming Binge EAting." I STOPPED binge eating for an entire YEAR doing that approach.

It was such a joyful way to eat and live.

So, with that kind of a plan, like what i was doing when i got here, THAT is the way to eat gourmet AND lose weight.

What i'm doing now??? Eating everytime i think of it, or want it, compulsively??? THIS is the way to eat gourmet raw and gain. Forgive me for ever saying gourmet food was BAD.

Guns are not bad. Only the people who abuse them, are. Gourmet raw is not bad. Only the people who abuse it are to blame.

Hey, Thank you so much for that fabulous comment yesterday, "just try to eat what your mom eats." LOL. I have to laugh. It makes so much SENSE!!! God, i can be sooooo thick-headed.

I really HAD been doing that, eating what my mom was eating. When my mom was eating. And i was doing GREAT! And then i started with the raw cheese. That really kick started this downhill trend, away from eating from hunger and on to eating compulsively again. I have to get out of this cycle.

I feel a LOT of guilt lately, too. I want to eat up all of these raw crackers here and raw treats here. I'm so selfish. Yet i know i want my mom to be able to try them and enjoy them. I'm in a tug of war in my head all of the time. Should i eat it? Or save it for mom??? I'm a horrible person because sometimes i eat it. I'm holding myself back from eating the Oasis Coconut/Chocolate cookies because my mom flipped for them.

Thanks for being there. Just writing about it HELPS enormously.

Another good note. My brother came out of his shell. He was very involved around here yesterday and more social. I feel blessed for that turn in his behavior.

xoxo michelle joy

A Rainy Day

Rain, rain, go away, come again another day...

I'm in a lousy mood.

It's pouring for two days straight here in Philly. We even lost the power last night. AND...we were TRYING to watch this new movie about Clark Rockefeller on Lifetime to no avail. Lifetime was out of service...

There is like a grey cloud over my head. Things are getting to me. I'm feeling extremely stressed. I cried a lot yesterday and i cried this morning.

Yesterday, i ate alot, all raw, but i ate alot when i wasn't hungry - raw crackers and avocado and leftovers.

We had good intentions, and we took my mom yesterday in the pouring rain to OASIS LIVING CUISINE, http://www.oasis-pa.com/, a wonderful stark-white very organized raw eatery quite far from where we were. It took over an hour to get there in the insane weather. You could barely see through the car windshield the rain was coming down so strong, with wind gusts at least 50 m.p.h.

Everyone was irritated. My mother was not happy. We got there late and couldn't relax and enjoy. Plus, we were wet and cold. I thought it would be a nice treat for my mom, but she didn't really like the food (except for the chocolates and confections), and it 'repeated' on her later, you know, when you burp up food. I was trying to do a nice thing to give my mom another taste perspective and she didn't really appreciate it. Plus, it was freezing in the restaurant. And she kept saying everything i make is better. That didn't really make me feel good.

I have to agree, everything was a little bland yesterday and not as generous portions as usual. I did notice they had a new worker? We had the nori wrap, the enchilada, the pizza, the collard wrap, the veggie slaw, mixed berry smoothie, and a few little desserty items. I didn't even really enjoy it that much. The nori wrap was bland and fell apart. The collard wrap was skimpy and tasted of collard. My mother hated it. She liked the flax crackers and the veggie slaw. She didn't like the mixed berry smoothie. How could you not like a smoothy? The enchilada was bland. She liked the pizza, but their pizza is runny. And it was such a small portion.

Uy.

I froze a crap ton of bananas here. Shame on me for not buying organic. They taste like shit. I am so pissed off about that. We have to deal with crap tasting bananas for a week or two now. I could just scream i am so mad about that. Organic bananas just taste so much better. If you peel them when they are slightly green at the stem, they still taste AWESOME. Conventional bananas just taste like shit.

One highpoint: I'm soaking almonds and am making my almond basil pate today. i'm excited about that. I know mommy will like that and so will i.

Mom, she's status quo. Almost 2 weeks raw, she is. Bravo, lady. She even said yesterday, "If raw is supposed to take away my polyp, maybe it will even heal my back." You have to give it to her. She's putting alot of trust in this. Alot of trust in me.

She's lost 10 lbs total. Not since i came, but since she's been sick, in general, over the last months. 10 lbs is a size, and it is quite noticable on my little mom. Size 8 pants were all hanging on her in the store, but she refuses to buy 6's and will just make due with them hanging.

I am so emotional. I feel like crying again.

I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.

I tried to meditate this morning, but turned on the t.v. instead.

It's 10:30a.m. and everyone is STILL sleeping. Cliff has a cold. My dad has a cold. My brother is distant, negative, brooding, noncommunicative, and i only have so much love to go around. My mom was burping up Oasis all yesterday, and I feel like i'm going nuts.

Besides the family thing, alot of what's fueling my snack attacks is stress about upcoming performances. My first rehearsal for my opera is next Wednesday and i worked a good deal on my role yesterday, so that should calm the snacking. My first rehearsal for the Mexican Party is tomorrow. I've been working on my songs, but will work more on them today. Alex, my accompanist, suggested we do less songs under the circumstances with my mom being sick and i'm distracted here. I was grateful for the suggestion.

I've been having some pretty severe cravings. Potato chips, icecream. They're everywhere here. I want anything fried, too. And i want kobe beef. I saw it on TV. I never tried it. i would like to, though i've not eaten meat in 3.5 years and don't really intend to start, i just want it. it looks so fatty and fabulous. i want to eat anything fatty and fried.

I feel like Dustin when he reported, "i want to take a pizza, stuff it with tons of stuff, roll it up and deep fry it." I can really relate to that. I'm feeling emotionally raw and not particularly in the zone or at peace or even in a place to GIVE much. I'm getting irritated. I really feel like giving in often, at night, to chips, corn chips, icecream, but i know that if i do, it will only compound and compound in subsequent days. And since it is everywhere here, how will i stop then? Plus, if what i'm going through NOW with cravings is bad, imagine how bad it will be when i have to do this over again, even fatter?

I'm snacking compulsively on raw stuff and raw stuff delivers amost zilch in the comfort factor. So, i'm just left with feeling like blech. Feel your feelings...

5 Thousand cable channels and all i like to watch are the cooking shows. Cliff comments, "COOKING SHOWS?!!!! Feeding your addiction, again, huh?"

I need a vacation, away from my vacation. But this is really no vacation. Mommy being sick is certainly no vacation. The sheen of the 'home away from home' has worn off. God give me strength.

xoxo michelle joy

Day ELEVEN - Mommy Ruthie's RawVenture

My mom has one of those fake smiles on in this pic. And daddy look irritated!!!

Mom's back was much improved yesterday. No muscle relaxer pill needed. I don't know if the pain was tension or detox. All i can say is, i'm just happy she's feeling better.

It is absolutely POURING here in Phila, so it may have been the Barometric pressure for all i know and had NOTHING to do with detox.

We took an hourlong walk yesterday at the mall and she did great.

We even went shopping afterwards. She's got tons of energy. I don't even think she notices how much more energy she has now since beginning the raw diet. For the last few months when she was super sick and miserable, she had little energy. The increased energy is phenomenol, but it's kind of like, i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. So far, she has experienced little in the way of detox. I'm just wondering when she is going to, or IF she is going to. Perhaps I am not feeding her light enough to induce one? Nevertheless, Cliff even said yesterday, "She's like the energizer bunny!"

And I notice it more and more what nervous energy my mom has. At the mall, she could barely shut up for a second. She just NEEDS to talk and talk and talk, and she doesn't seem to run out of steam. So, i just let her. My dear mommy. I'm really cherishing this time with her.

Writing the blog on her is eerily morbid in a way, putting up pictures of her, and i hope not a foreshadowing of me losing her, soon.

Mom's voice was hoarse again yesterday. She also complained of heartburn for the first time. Nix the fresh squeezed orange juice for her from now on. I've NOT been following food combining for her AT ALL. (I never follow it). Gourmet raw in general does not. That's partly what makes it gourmet. But yesterday's "protein" shake snack for her, an "Orange Juliano" with hemp, banana, and fresh O.J., was the first meal to truly disagree with her. Duly noted.

Mommy came into my bedroom last night. As i was laying in bed staring up at her talking to me in the glow of the lamp, her skin looked particularly dewy and there seem to be less dark undereye circles. But, i couldn't escape also noticing how terribly drawn her faces looks. You can see the bones of her face.

I'm even tearing up as i write this now. I'm scared. I was crying last night to Cliff. I don't want my mother to die. I hope what i'm doing is right. I hope what i'm doing will heal her. But if she were on chemo or having surgery her appearance would be frighteningly worse. i should be thankful she is thriving so and just be grateful.

She's losing weight. She's already a twig. I don't know how to avoid her losing weight. She has a small appetite, it seems, on raw. I could feed her fattier things but i worry about her reflux. We eat about 5 or 6 times a day and her meals are not big meals, led by her appetite alone. And her appetite is not that big.

I'm basically feeding her a very very simple gourmet raw diet. Hell, a juice fast would be even worse - she would really become emaciated. She's not terminally ill, so i don't think a fast is warranted. And even 80-10-10, she'd lose even more.

Maybe i can make her more fattening pies and things to fatten her up.

Since she only has a benign polyp and 'questionable' tumors, maybe she's really OK on REGULAR RAW.

She is tolerating the diet exceptionally well. I was even shocked when she ate a 1/2 cup of mixed nuts - raw cashew, almond and raisins, and had no digestive discomfort at ALL from it.

Yesterday mom ate:

Pre BR: lemon water

BR: Green smoothie of spinach/mango/banana/date

SN: Chocolate maca banana hemp "icecream" over fresh raspberries with shaved coconut and pecan bits.

SN: Orange Julius shake: banana/hemp/OJ/vanilla

SN: A few raw mexican flavored crackers

LINNER: Mixed greens salad with "Jan's" Avo dressing; Brad's Raw Chips; one Raw Fruit/Nut "Larabar"

We are loving the Avo dressing. My dear friend, Jan, told me about it. I would have NEVER thought it would be good, but it is FABULOUS. And you are talking to a FAT FREAK here. I will pour olive oil on ANYTHING but this doesn't need it. This is how i do it. Mash up as little as 1/4 avo or use up to 1/2 for a big salad, add garlic, celtic salt, fresh lemon juice or raw vinegar or both, teensy bit agave, add water slowly until good dressing consistency. You don't need any oil. Smashingly delish. Mom loves black pepper on hers. I enjoy sprinkling nutritional yeast over as well.

SN: Strawberry icecream: banana/strawberry/agave

I ate similarly yesterday. She also snacks on prunes or raisins or dates in between.

Lots to do today. You know there'll be more tomorrow.

Write in. Let me know how YOU are.

I'm doing good. I still get tempted by cooked food, but so far so good. So does Mom, but we're hanging in there. Cooked food is COMFORT food. Raw food CAN be comforting, but NOT LIKE COOKED FOOD can. Raw food is healing food, mostly, i think.

xoxo michelle

TOP TEN EVENTS...from Yesterday with MOM!

Okay, everyday around here seems like a rollercoaster ride of emotions, activities, feelings. Yesterday was no exception.

Mommy Ruth Schulman is on a raw diet (it's been a week and a few days) to overcome her severe health issues (a polyp on her stomach and possibly cancerous tumors on her thyroid) and avoid surgery, or at least delay it. I have moved in to facilitate that, and everyday is chock full of stuff!!! I'm chief chef, psychotherapist, chauffer, etc... It's stressful, but gratifying, because i love my mommy dearly and want to see her well.

WEDNESDAY'S TOP 10
10 - DEPRESSION - Mom was feeling depressed for the last 3 days and she finally talked about it to me. I explained that when you eat clean food you may find yourself feeling things you haven't felt before, that it was normal. I also said that she may have always been depressed but distracted herself from it. She's a compulsive shopper and for months she's been caught in a vicious circle of eating poorly and feeling horrendous. When that's gone, it's time to kind of face yourself. I also mentioned that just knowing she is sick with a polyp and with tumors on her thyroid would naturally make anyone depressed. It's a scary thing to go through. Plus, this new diet can be frightening. She kept saying, "I have to believe. I have to believe." As in, she really doesn't yet, but to do this, she knows she will need to. Talking about feeling depressed helped.

9 - ANGER - Mom's been angry at some friends and she's been venting. She tends to go on and on about things. My father recognizes this, too. Her head works overtime and things irritate her and grate on her. And she's a little stingy to forgive things that people do that hurt her. I'm encouraging her to talk about how she feels. And to also see that people are not perfect, to accept them for who they are, and that people have their own problems and are often caught up in them and neglect, like she does, to keep in touch, or to invite someone, or to include someone.

8 - BACK PAINS - Mom's back pain is worse for the last 4 days. Is it the diet? She doesn't think so. I'm glad for that because it is not making her want to abandon ship with the diet, but i think it probably IS related to the diet and is a symptom of detox or of stress. [Thank god her stomach is pain free, which had been in excrutiating pain for 4 months prior to the raw diet.] But, now her back is seizing up. She needed "muscle relaxers" yesterday again. I'm going to encourage her to ask for massages when she's in pain, instead. We were so busy i never did get to massage her yesterday. That's the best 'muscle relaxer' there is. Mom is not an affectionate, huggy person, and she has a hard time feeling vulnerable or asking for something. She likes to be in control, and her back hurting so badly is adding to the depression. We're monitoring the back. It's scary, and discouraging when everything isn't going "great" from day to day, but we just need to go through this. One day at a time. Yesterday, she said, "I could NEVER have surgery now with how bad my back is." Well, that's kind of a blessing, actually.

7 - THE FIVE FLAVORS - Okay, it was a perfect time to give a quick lesson in making raw salad dressings. I had shaved her some cabbage and carrot for a slaw and was attempting to make a cole slaw dressing using tahini (because i had it right there) and water as the creamy part, with raw vinegar, garlic, celtic salt, and agave as the other dressing components. Man, it tasted horrible. But, using the 5 flavors rule, i just kept adjusting and adjusting until it tasted delicious. She LOVED it! The 5 flavors are: salty, sweet, bitter, spicy and tart. The salad tasted too bitter from tahini (i consider it a bitter) and too bitter or spicy from cabbage, not sure which classification cabbage is, but generally all greens are bitter. So i went heavier on salt, on agave, on garlic, and i added lemon juice to counteract the bitterness. HELLO, From GROSS to DELISH in 2 minutes. If you want to stay raw, you MUST learn the 5 flavors. Every savory dish i make, i add the 5 flavors to and adjust them until they are in a pleasant balance to the palate. Mom seems interested in this and intrigued!

6 - WALK 'n TALK - My mother has so much nervous energy, she actually NEEDS to walk. I saw this yesterday. Her mouth didn't stop for a minute. She was like this the other day, too. She NEEDED to talk. And she needed to WALK. She even noted, "I don't feel depressed now. When you're talking and walking, you forget about feeling bad." Amen, mommy. Words of WISDOM.

5 - THE THYROID STORY - Mom is continually going over and over all of her old medical reports. She discovered that she had a tumor on her thyroid back in 2006. She's since discovered that according to the records, she has several tumors on the thyroid now. And she explained to me only yesterday that the dr biopsied all of them by sticking a needle into her neck in 5 different places. The tumors are what the drs are referring to as, "QUESTIONABLE." They want to do a thyroidectomy. Mommy is adamant, "I want to keep my thyroid."

4 - WHAT THE THYROID DR SAID - Dr. Joe called last night and mom informed him of what she's doing. He didn't seem too impressed. She outright asked if she wanted to wait a while before having surgery and get a third opinion on her case, could she. He said it wouldn't be likely. She asked if she wanted to wait awhile before getting a thyroidectomy and just work on this diet, how long could she wait. He answered, "6 months." And if she wanted to get examined again, say, in 6 months, how would he do that. He answered, "Ultrasound." That's painfree! And if everything checked out okay and the thyroid was better, she asked, what would they do then, "Monitor you yearly." The dr was passionless, but mom felt encouraged about all of this. I guess 6 months without treatment wouldn't kill her, and facing another ultrasound is a peice of cake.

3 - LETTING GO and SPEAKING UP - I encouraged mom to speak to her friend, Mary, who upset her and let her know how she feels. Good news. Mary called, and she did just that, and felt better for it. My mom tends to hold things in. Or let them out aggressively. I'm teaching her something i learned once about how to talk about your feelings to someone. You tell them 3 things. You tell them 1) WHAT THEY DID 2) HOW YOU FELT 3) WHAT YOU WISH THEY WOULD DO NEXT TIME. It seems simple, right? But, mom never said, "Mary, next time there is a function with the Sewing Group, could you please pick up the phone and call me and let me know? I'd really appreciate it." She just fumed about it for weeks instead. Granted, she did FINALLY tell her friend how hurt she felt over the phone, but she never asked her how to fix it or avoid hurt feelings for next time. Using these 3 steps, you avoid relationships from deteriorating.

2 - BLOOD WORK - Mom received some blood work back that was taken 2 weeks ago. She tested low on iron and her sugar high and her potassium low. She started freaking out. As did my father. "There's something else wrong with me!" I calmed her down. "Listen, mom, you've been eating nothing but cake and cookies basically for weeks before i came. Of course your sugar tested high. And since you stopped eating meat, you weren't getting iron from anything. Now you're eating spinach and bananas daily!" I can't WAIT until she gets retested next week on drs. orders. Are they going to be in for a surprise when her readings come back normalized....just from diet!!!!

1 - OPRAH'S SHOW ON HEALTHY EATING, "Food 101 with Micheal Pollan." Highights of the show included: Michael Pollan's new book called, "Food Rules," which promotes an organic whole foods diet and teaches us to shun all processed foods, all fast foods, all factory farmed foods, and go back to eating like Grandma used to. Alicia Silverstone, Actress, Vegan, author of the new book, "The Kind Diet," asks us to be kinder to our bodies and our planets by eating a more plant based diet. The Movie, "Food, Inc.," asks us to look at where our food comes from and to turn from big business's way of raising food. The Chipotle Grill restaurant teaches us that fast food can be healthy food. Most of the meat is organic grass raised. Everything at Chipotle is freshly cooked behind the line in a kitchen in each restaurant. MOM was VERY inspired and uplifted by this show. She NEEDED this! For the first time, she saw other people doing something akin to what SHE is doing. Alicia Silverstone spoke of pooping frequently and easily. Mom smiled and said, "Like me!" My mom's middle name was constipation prior to the raw diet!

xoxo michelle joy

God Never Gives You More Than You Can Handle

Yesterday was stressful at "Chez Schulman."

My mother was in back pain, my brother, Ricky, pictured, was miserable and acted up at dinner, my father was spiteful and didn't eat the chicken after my brother said it sucked, and mind you, we had the neighbor over for dinner, my mother was grinding her teeth and cursing my father and brother under her breath, AT DINNER, (i heard it, did the company hear it too?) which i repremanded her for; later, she was yelling, loudly, at my brother, inciting a familial riot, and later last night, Bro had his TV turned up so loud it sounded like a bomb going off, for spite? I ate two blocks of raw cheese, 2 bags of Brad's raw chips and 2 packs of Awesome Foods raw fudge. Just another lovely family dinner!

My stresses are mostly due to the fact that i am distracted here, and have a vocal rehearsal in 5 days for which i have not yet practiced. I am also a major procrastinator, but i cannot deny that being here is a 24/7 job that is overwhelming.

Practicing my music is today's number one goal. In 5 days i have a rehearsal and 5 days later, i have to entertain at a party.

deep sigh.

i'll get it together. it's only 3 peices.

My mothers stresses yesterday were that her back has been killing her for the last 3 days. She finally broke down and took 2 muscle relaxer pills yesterday, despite reading Susan's letter encouraging her to go natural and just feel the pain.

I actually have an inkling that Ma is in the midst of a serious emotional detox as well as a physical one now eating raw over a week. She talked alot about her first son, by birth, who was killed in a car accident. (my brother, Ricky, and i were subsequently adopted.) She never brings up Jeffrey. I found it curious it would come up now. I think i'll encourage her to talk more. She never mourned his death, like almost 50 years ago. She was always busy doing for everyone else.

She finds it very uncomfortable that i am doing for her. She feels pampered and spoiled and guilty.

Maybe i can help her through the mourning process. god, what the hell did i get myself into?

To make matters worse, my mom and my brother, Ricky, who lives here at 'chez schulman', have a long history of tension between them, so yesterday when the chicken was dry and he announced his displeasure to everyone including our company, my mom was seriously miffed. Then when dad joined in and turned his nose up at the chicken, it made matters worse.

Mom says my bro is jealous that i'm here and that's why he acted up, too. i had the garlic bread ready when he got there and he never got to partcipate in making dinner. His chicken, which he felt was superior, was in the basement, and he had offered to warm that for dinner. He didn't like MY chicken.

family dynamics are fun.

I missed Cliff yesterday, too, terribly. It would have helped to have him to deflect tensions. But, he had a very late teaching night and slept back at our home, 15 mins away from where he teaches. Moms is 45 mins away.

When i told him on the phone of the familial havoc, here he had a hard time believing it was over...chicken.

Ridiculous. But isn't that what all families fight about? Stupid stuff?

On the positive side, Mom did great with her raw diet yesterday. It's been 8 days for her.

Let's move away from the familial crap and talk about raw.

We had green smoothie for breakfast - my favorite - strawberry/mango/orange/banana/parsley with date.

For lunch, i ate that one entire block of raw cheese and it went downhill the rest of the day for me, although i managed to stay raw, thank you very much.

Mom had a lovely salad she enjoyed very much with a sunflower pate as dressing. i'm tellin' ya, she is LOVIN' the raw food!

For snack, she had a pina colada banana whip with pineapple and coconut.

For appetizer when the company came, she had some raw nuts and raisins while our company munched on roasted nuts. A practical solution to avoid feeling deprived.

For dinner, she enjoyed a salad with lots of raw sliced mushrooms and a tahini based dressing. She loved it.

And she had vanilla banana whip for snack before bed. Loved it, too.

"Bernie, you'd get used to loving this diet really quickly if you tried it!" she told my dad. how nice.

Mom has settled into eating frequently, 6 meals a day, but small meals. She has a little belly. I feed her every time she gets hungry and have been consciouse to make the meals on the heavier side. Perhaps not ideal for healing, but she weighs 118 now. she is a little stick as it is. (I AM OBVIOUSLY GENETICALLY NOTHING LIKE HER. I'M ADOPTED. I HAVE LOADS O' FAT GENES IN ME. I COULDN'T UNFORTUNATELY INHERIT MY MOTHERS BEAUTIFUL THICK HAIR OR SKINNY ASS!)

Eating small frequent meals was working like a charm for me until i was a retarded mo-fo and decided to numb myself on raw cheese. I finished the 2nd block later, and the 2nd bag of raw Brad's chips to curb the serious cravings for a binge on real chips. I swear i almost gave in last night. On real icecream and real chips. I ate raw versions instead. And fell asleep with raw fudge in the corners of my mouth. Let me just get over this HUMP of the first few weeks raw...and the cravings will dissappear. And let me just begin to work on my music so the stress will be gone.

The only thing that stopped me from eating the real stuff was knowing 1) i'm here to be a raw support for mom and i would fuck it up royally if i went off, and 2) that i'd be off and running tomorrow with the fried chinese food for sure if i actually gave in, and 3) i KNEW i was stressed from procrastinating and putting off my music studies, so getting caught up in a subsequent whirl of binge eating when i have to be learning my music wouldn't help things, but make everything worse.

At least i'm thinking things through. progress, not perfection.

Cliff was such a dear on the phone when i reported my failure. "Big deal. You've done MUCH MUCH worse." You see why i love him??? That makes me want to get right back on track today, with a smile.

I know i have to work on my music.

I'll rub moms back today and we'll take our walk and she'll take her bath, and maybe we'll talk some about her loss. hopefully she'll be feeling better soon.

She still has zero pains in her stomach.

Mantras for today: "ONE DAY AT A TIME". "GOD NEVER GIVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE". "PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION."

xoxo michelle joy

Mom - One Week On Raw - No More Pain, Cravings, and The Emotional Process

Morning, Folks,

Mom's doing GREAT. Her stomach pains, which were excrutiating for 3.5 months are now GONE in ONE WEEK on the raw diet. Gone is the nausia. Gone are the intense stomach pains, gas, constipation. She pooped 3x yesterday. A world record for my mommy. Gone is food coming up on her. Gone. Gone. Gone.

For half of a month before i moved in, she had changed her diet to her best ability by eliminating all meat and chicken, simply because she could NOT digest them with her obstructed bowel. She was doubled over in pain, and finally got the message. Whatever makes you hurt, don't eat it.

Why was she in so much pain from meat? The doctors say scar tissue or fibroid tumor fibers are blocking her intestines and elimination "channels." They didn't tell her to stop eating meat, i did.

She was able to tolerate fish, of course i didn't bless that, but she just didn't GET it about what i told her to eat, and dairy gave her very bad pain, but she still ate it, even though EVERY time she was doubled over in pain from a peice of dairy kugel or cheesecake, i about blew my top with her. "Did you eat fruit today? Eat fruit today!" She also ate a lot of other crap: mostly bread, toast, cookies, cake, and was still in considerable pain before i moved in, and before going raw. What kind of nutrition do you think she was getting from cake and cookies????? And she was STILL in pain.

She is now a different person. "Did the obstruction leave? How come i feel so much better now?," my mom asked me. I'm not a dr, but my best guess is that, no, it did leave, but the raw diet is 1) anti-inflammatory, so whatever inflamed tissues were there are hopefully decreasing in inflammation, and 2) the raw diet is the easiest to digest. Fruit digests in 30 mins and veggies quickly. 3) with raw, one eats alot of ground up food as in smoothies, making it easy to slip through those blocked channels. I don't think the obstruction left YET, but my hope is, it WILL. 4) raw is high fiber and may actually open up blocked channels, i would think.

Now, they're all gone, all of her stomach pains.

She seems VERY committed to this diet.

~ ~ ~

However, cravings have begun to become an issue.

We were shopping yesterday. Everything looked good to her. I felt guilt-ridden to taking her pleasurable foods away. "I'm so sorry, mom." I felt so sorry for her. She looked pathetic. "I could eat this entire raisin bread," she said, and she was in real emotional pain. I mean, giving up food is for real. It is real pain. Real withdrawals. Emotionally AND physically.

And when i made soup for my dad and Cliff, she smelled it and said, "i'm sorry i smelled that. i really want some." i hugged her. "I know, mom, i do, too. it'll pass."

I tell you, being here is a fulltime job. It's frustrating and stressful and painful, like at the market, i really felt bad for her. And then we drank smoothies in the car and she said, "good," at her first taste. But i know raisin bread tastes so much better, but, i keep calming her, 'it's only temporary, mom.'

it's better to calm her now and placate her. my hope is that she will realize raw is so great, she'll WANT to stick with it. or even mostly raw.

All in all, it's gratifying to be here, but, yesterday with all of the reports of cravings, "i really want that raisin bread," she admitted, about 12 times, i didn't know how she'd make it through the day, how i'd make it through the day.

But, as soon as i made her a delicious raw meal, she forgot about it. And so did i. And the energy changed. completely. emotionally, she was back to being happy about raw. she made it over the hump. God, it's amazing to WATCH. What a process.

THAT''S HOW IT GOES! The same for me! Once you eat a yummy raw meal, the cravings really leave. And once you say "NO" to a craving, you're glad for it and excited about what you're doing again and grateful you stayed on track.

"You'll have to teach me how to do this!" she says alot, after she ooohs and ahhhs after raw chocolate/banana/hemp icecream over strawberries. Soon i'll have her watching me more when i prepare stuff, and then i'll have her preparing food. she admits it would be too overwhelming now. she's getting familiar with the new tastes and the new products.

~ ~ ~

Yes, raw IS a tremendous sacrifice. But, one must WEIGH the benefits against the DRAWBACKS.

"i can never go out to eat again." she moped.

I tell you, it's back and forth like this all day.

But then at dinner, when she was loving her salad, she exclaimed from out of nowhere, "if we go out, i can get a salad and some fruit!" Wow. Bravo, Ruthie. She was now kind of coming to terms with something i've said to her over and over.

Heck, if I can do it? She can.

THIS IS AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER. And it will be for you, too. You just gotta HANG in there!!!! As they are for mom, the benefits of raw outweigh the drawbacks. At least i hope each day as we do this proves that to her, that God will deliver nothing more than we can handle. Amen, to that.

~ ~ ~ ~

We've pared the 3-month deal back to a month. Mom will stay on the diet for a month. Cliff and i will live here for a month. And we'll get her on her feet. She seems to be able to cope with that 1 month deadline better than 3. She still wants the polyp removal surgery.

She had a visit with the lung dr yesterday and informed him of her diet and that she was holding off on surgery, a month. It actually went okay. He wasn't a bully. I was worried about that. He said, "okay," and made sure his notes stated she was healthy enough for a surgery for six months. Thank you, dr.

She spoke with her gastro doctor on the phone, the one who told her she'd feel WORSE on this diet, and told him of her new diet, "dr, you're going to think i'm crazy, but....my daughter went to this retreat...and she put me on this diet....", and that her pains were gone, and, miraculously, he blessed it, too. Both drs said she still needs the surgery though. We're just buying time here. ONE DAY AT A TIME. So far, everyone so far is not giving her too much flack, even people from her development, and friends.

Maybe the idea of raw and of changing your diet as an alternative is catching on?

I'm BEYOND glad i'm here. I think this is going to work. It's PRECIOUS time with my beloved mother. (I adore her, but she drives me nuts, too. Doesn't every mom????)

~ ~ ~

Wo, get this. Mom discovered some old medical reports from 2006 stating that she had tumor on her thyroid way back in 2006!!!!!

So all of this about her thyroid...is apparently NOT NEW! But NO one ever told her!

Until her PETScan showed something was 'active' molecularly or cellularly in her thyroid, SHE never knew.

I worry, i really do, because they say the tumors in her thyroid are "questionable" and "possibly malignant," but my INTUITION says she is FINE and that the in-thing to do is to take out the thyroid. I awoke this morning thinking i was possibly killing my mother because it IS possible she has cancer in her thyroid. But we'll never know. At least not now. According to the dr, the ONLY way to find out, is to CUT the damn thing completely OUT first. She is adamant she does not want her thyroid out, so...the raw diet it is.

The question is: what KIND of a raw diet? I am really trying my best here to be a healer, but i DO make things tasty for mom. I use garlic, i use onions, i use celtic salt, i use teensy bits of olive oil, i use bananas freely, i use agave. All "irritants" possibly....if someone is SERIOUSLY ill.

My intution really says that mom is FINE. And that these freakin' doctors will scare the shit out of you and cut you up and put you on synthetic hormones for the rest of your life...without blinking an eye. Even IF the thyroid is NOT CANCEROUS!!!

As for the polyp in her stomach, which has a 10-15% chance of being cancerous, she's now made peace with the fact that we're doing the diet for a month and then IF she wants to get it out, she can.

Get this: the freakin' thing might POSSIBLY be GONE in a month, especially if i start her on the diatomaceous earth which sweeps the colon better than colonics from what i understand.

Do you think the dr will tell her they found NOTHING when they cut her open?????

I really mean it when i say it: pray for us. pray for mom. pray for me.

how are you??? i long to hear from people. say HI please and tell of your journey.

FROM SUSAN AMAN:
"Oh I am SOOOOO EXCITED about your mom’s tummy feeling better! This is SUCH awesome news. I congratulate her on doing what it takes to get better!! To Mom: Keep up the good work Ruthie and trust that those back pains will subside with time – even if it takes a while. Your body has lots of meds stored up there to get rid of and lots of healing to do. Give it time. I applaud you!" Susan Aman

xoxo michelle joy

Mom Reports on Raw Diet, "I'm Feel MUCH Better!"

morning, folks,

here's mommy sunbathing last summer. my skinny little mommy. update on her below.


UPDATE ON MOM

yesterday we met with the surgeon. mom's stomach polyp is benign but has a 10-15% chance of being malignant, so in his professional opinion, 'it's gotta come out!' the growths on her thyroid cannot be determined if they are malignant or not until they remove the entire thyroid, do chemo if it is, and put her on synthetic hormones for the rest of her life. the resectioning of the bowel (for the obstruction currently present) was poo-pooed as mom mentioned how very much better she's been feeling on her new diet. since she wasn't presently in pain, he didn't seem to think she ever had an obstruction at all.

the truth of the matter is - she's eating a living foods diet for the last 6 days, and the easily digestable foods have been slipping through the obstruction easily. if she tries to eat a peice of chicken, she's in excrutiating pain.

nevertheless, after the dr visit, i was beyond elated. mom is not that sick! NOTHING the living foods diet can't handle! a polyp, a few tumors and an obstruction? as arnold would say, "peice o' cake!"

mom, however??? she was screaming at the top of her lungs in the car, 'i NEED that polyp OUT of me~! i want the surgery! i'm SCARED!'

the dr said both surgeries are not 'immenent' and that if she waited 'weeks or a few months nothing would get worse.'

i took this info and ran. i managed to convince both of my parents to give me 3 months of this diet with mom. and then she'll finagle herself to get her thyroid and her bowel retested. if she wants to have the surgery then, i said, i will bless it.

please pray that in 3 months God and the diet heal her enough to where surgery is not warranted. please oh god oh god.

you have no idea the sales job i am doing. constantly counseling. constantly. i'm exhausted.

arnold said i could have off work to take care of my mom.

THIS is really hard work. i'm mentally exhausted. i'm chief chef. i'm psychologist. i'm living foods counselor. i'm coach. 24/7.

looks like cliffy and i will be calling 'chez schulman' our home for the next 3 months!!! [here's cliffy, me, mom, dad and brother, ricky last year out to dinner.]

i said, "mom, what do you expect??? you PAID for my education at Optimum Health Institute for 8 months so i could change, but i saw hundreds of people coming there to go on a healing diet to get rid of cancer and tumors and every disease under the sun. now i work as a raw chef. i lived as a raw vegan for 3 years. i see healings daily at arnolds way. this is MY viewpoint. how can i not tell you what i know? do you think i want to kill you? i love you. i know how you suffered in the hospital last time. if you can avoid surgery, i think you should. this is how i'm going to direct you because this is what i believe. the dr. knows how to cut things out. he will send you home with less body parts and not ask you to change and you will be constantly sick and suffering. THIS way, you will heal yourself naturally and will not NEED surgery. do you really WANT to have surgery? don't you remember how much pain you were in last time that you wanted to die???"

my mom has chronic excrutiating pain in her back since a peice of bone which broke off in her back was removed, leaving her in pain daily.

i even went as far as saying, "mom, why do you think you adopted ME?" she looked at me like i was nuts. "because god knew i needed to save you."

"oh, yeah," i also threatened her, "i'm moving back home if you want to do things your way, mom. why am i spending so much time, rearranging my life and cliff's life, if you're going to listen to them instead of me? i'm not going to waste effort on you if you're not willing to change."

i am profoundly influencing her and it not only feels good, SHE feels good.

okay, so maybe my tactics aren't always on the up and up. it is honestly the way i feel. i'm in this 100% and i expect a 100% committment from her. otherwise, i'm moving back home.

what's keeping her hooked is not my intimidation tactics. it's how she feels.

she told the dr, "i changed my diet and i'm feeling better!"

she REALLY is.

gone are the days of being doubled over in pain. of food repeating on her constantly.

and she took two b.m.s yesterday.

oh, do you know what the drs response was when my mom said she changed her diet?

nothing.

silence.

it was wierd~!

my mom said to me yesterday, "you'd better teach me how to make all of this stuff." i was gratified by her interest.

and i absolutely will, but right now, i see my role as one of making the diet attractive and tasty and live-able and comfortable for my mom right now. the more she enjoys the diet, the better. let her get a firm grounding in it before she's asked to take more responsibility. she's already beeing such an amazing trooper.

even at O.H.I., we didn't have cooking class until week 3. too much too soon is overwhelming.

get this! dr. lefton, her gastro doctor, told her, "no, ruth, eating more fruits and vegetables will give you MORE pain. too much fiber! you can't handle that now."

well, dr. lefton, my mother admitted yesterday, "dr. lefton was wrong. i feel MUCH better. not worse."

you can't ARGUE with success.

"why doesn't everyone know about this?" my dad argues.

"MONEY, the ECONOMY," i exclaim. What would happen if all of the drs told everyone to go home and go on a raw diet? they would lose business. the drug companies would lose business. the restaurants would all close down.

there is a vested interest in keeping people sick.

"what will i tell the drs when they ask why i'm not having surgery?" you tell them, i say, 'i will have the surgery. i'm trying something holistic for a month or two, and then i'll have the surgery.' she's got to calm THEM down. if she has it or if she doesn't is besides the point. she needs to get them off her back, first.

my mother always counsels ME about being less intimidated by others. she is SO intimidated by drs.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

okay, you get the point. so mommy and i are going to carry on as we've been doing. yesterday she drank 1.5 green smoothies, she had cut up veggies with sunflower seed pate and a good sized salad with 1/2 avo dressing and a few flax crackers.

i fell asleep before i could ask her how she was feeling or say goodnight!

soon, i'm going to start her on diatomacious earth. it will clear that polyp OUTTA THERE from what i've read and heard. many people at arnold's way are on it and LOVING it. i also brought the E3Live to the house and i'll start her on that soon. it makes you tired at first so i want to not overload her in the beginning.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
UPDATE ON ME

i weighed myself 277 3/4. wow. i think i'm actually doing okay! last i checked i was 282. i like not weighing frequently. this is the first time this week.

this way, i never know what i weigh, am not obsessed with losing or gaining. And i just eat when i'm hungry. i'm also not bingeing.

i'm definitely doing better with my eating, but it wasn't really apparent until i recieved the confirmation of the scale. i think it's been a little over a week and half raw and i try my best to eat only when i'm hungry.

forget carlene jones. THIS is working much better. and this is something i can LIVE with for the rest of my life. and i get to listen to ME. only ME. GOD, how refreshing!

yesterday i had:

- green smoothie for breakfast
- salad with very lowfat sunflower seed pate on it and maybe a tsp of olive oil for lunch
- bowl of mixed nuts in shells that i cracked open myself. good way to limit nuts
- 3 amazing grapefruits for a snack
- salad with avo dressing made with 1/2 an avo

i think that was the bulk of what i ate. it doesn't SEEM low cal or diet. maybe my attitude has changed and i'm attracting weight loss even though i'm eating heartily. it FEELS like a lot of fat....but maybe it isn't???? the sunflower pate has so many veggies in it, and sunflower seeds are much lower in fat than cashews.

in terms of curing my binge eating? i'm doing FABULOUS. i'm eating what i WANT. as long as it's RAW.

my highschool reunion is in october. i'm NOT EVEN going to THINK about it, but just keep listening to my hunger and let that guide me. we're walking daily. not fast because mom can't go fast. real slow. but, i'm not gaining! i'm not even staying the same. i've lost!

and i'll make money selling stuff on craigslist! i received my check for $275 for my 5x clothing!!! time to go in the basement and iron everything for my friend who will receive beautiful 5x clothes in jersey city, new jersey! i certainly don't need them anymore, nor will i ever! amen to that, sister!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

pray for us. send comments. say HI. let me know how you are.

xoxo michelle joy