Hope you are all well today!
Blessings to you if you are celebrating Good Friday today, and Easter on Sunday. With Jesus dying today and rising to life on Sunday, Eastertime reminds me that we can ALL die to sin (bad destructive habits) and allow our highest selves to rise to life. We can choose to let go of the dead things, the dead weight, the dead beliefs that no longer serve us. They have been weighing us down long enough.
Longtime PureRawJoy Follower, Glenda, writes:
Hey there Michelle,
I've been reading about your evolving into what you are to become and I think it's great.
I'm also so glad that you research things too. Weigh Down is good but, without all of the crazyiness that goes with it. I had no idea that it was so cultish. I knew that Gwen Shamblin has funny ideas about God and Jesus and all that, but to have a church mistreat people is not a good thing at all. Well, enough about that.
Michelle, I really believe that by knowing, loving and trusting ourselves, we really become who we are supposed to be.
What a long journey...from the sound of things you're well within the journey and finding hope, where there was none.
Your posts made me take another look at Weigh Down and also Jon Gabriels -The Method no diet solution. I started using his night meditations and Paul Mckenna's "I can make you Thin" morning meditations and I feel better already.
I believe that A Course in Weight Loss paved the way for me to understand that unless I started to love myself, nothing new was going to happen. I also read her book "A return to Love" and I stopped judging people and allowed them to be who they were, whether right or wrong. It was then that I realized how very opinionated I was about other people and that was where a lot of my problems were coming from. Now I release other people and let them be themselves, if I agree with them or not.
I really release all thoughts about them.
I also release myself from all things I believe people are thinking about me. I don't care anymore. I mean I've been plagued all my life thinking, I hope they like me, I hope they can see that I'm a good person, ... they must think I'm weird, or they must think I'm crazy...blah,blah, blah...so what. Like Brian Johnson from Philosphers Notes said today.."I am totally independent of the good or bad opinion of others...I am
beneath no one...I fearlessy approach any and all challenges in my life."
I'm almost 60 years old now, I can be a little weird, who cares. What freedom. I'm even thinking about wearing my hair in braids, that's how free I feel.
I'm really learning to love me, just as I am. I'm not too worried about the weight thingy. Since, I really believe that as i learn to love myself and others, I'll be free enough to let the weight just fall off with no effort on my part.
I feel so much more peace since I started back using the morning and evening
I had a good food day yesterday. I only ate when I was hungry and then only wanted very little to eat. Eureka....that's success to me.
Girl, do yo thing and I'll keep praying for continued success for you.
We are finding our way out, inch by inch and little by little.
We're letting go of all the emotional baggage, which has attached itself to us during the years and finally getting free.
Glenda \i/ Praizin' Him !
What an inspiring note from Glenda! Big hugs to my dear Glenda!! Thank you for always being supportive and sharing yourself so honestly with us here. You have such heart and personality, faith and determination. I KNOW you are going to make it...and with you by my side? How could i not????
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You bring up many good points. I'd like to focus on your point about letting go of the emotional baggage and how relevent that is to our journey, in being able to put down the food.
First of all, what IS emotional baggage?? And how does it affect our ability to control our eating?
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To me, emotional baggage is old beliefs that no longer serve us. Take, for example, the belief that you're "ugly" because kids called you ugly in elementary school, and you're STILL hanging onto the belief, even though you are FAR from ugly, yet somehow, you STILL believe it, feel it, act on it.
Another example of emotional baggage is that you believe you are WEAK because you have failed on so many diets. I know today that the truth is closer to the fact that DIETING failed YOU! All of your persistence, your determination proves just how STRONG you are. Believing you're weak is dead old weight that it's time to say Buh-bye to. You are STRONG and it's high time you believed it, lived it, acted on it.
When you get RID of all of this dead weight - distorted and untrue thoughts that hold you down, you're gonna fall in love with you! And when you do, you're not gonna wanna treat yourself like SHIT anymore.
That's the power of releasing emotional baggage.
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Say, your father told you you were good for nothing.
You've spent TOO long allowing his criticism to live in your head and heart. You know BETTER today that you are SO worthy. You have a million examples of just how worthy you are. If not, start focusing on all of the positive stuff you do, and stop focing on the negative, like He did. Don't be him. It's not your legacy to hang onto his shit.
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I admit i have a long way to go, but it is amazing to me to realize just how much I have grown as a person during this journey with food.
I used to swallow alot of abuse. I used to allow alot of uncomfortable, hurtful things to happen to me, but I've become MUCH more self-loving, self-confident, sympathetic, wise, assertive (speaking up when i need to). I stand up for myself much more, and I'm working on letting go of fear, of self doubt, of insecurity. I know i'm GOOD alot more than i used to.
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I told Cliff the other day, "You know, if i had the wisdom i do today, and the body I had when i was 16? I'd be hot stuff." If that isn't true, i don't know what is.
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I used to think i was shit, so i'd let people treat me like shit. I don't take that anymore.
Can't turn back time, but I can keep working on me. Unless I do, food will continue to be a friend.
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It's easier to see abuse when someone ELSE does it to you.
Were you abused as a child?
I was. Emotionally and physically AND sexually abused. So, i have a LOOOOONG history of people treating me like shit. I was a child when it started and i didn't know better. I couldn't defend myself.
But, i've learned something.
I learned to do it to MYSELF. I learned to ABUSE MYSELF.
Take binge eating. Don't softpedal it by calling it 'emotional eating' or 'having a sweet tooth' or being an 'overeater' or a 'compulsive eater.' Call it what it is. I have the awareness today that it is SELF ABUSE.
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It is akin to this - imagine a little baby crying and needing comfort, and a parent nearby. Parent number runs to the baby, is kind and loving, holds and cuddles the baby, coos and strokes the child, picks her up and holds her close, letting her know she has no more need to fear. The baby calms down, and eventually learns to self-comfort in a healthy way, or get comfort from others.
Parent number two is agitated, curses, takes their sweet time coming, gets annoyed and irritated and shoves cookies in the kids mouth and walks away in a huff. The child learns that their needs are unimportant and that comfort is unavailable. Cookies will have to make due. She never learns to self comfort without food. Never learns to turn to people, to God no less, when in need of loving care. This child feels badly about herself and calls herself names when she feels bad. She blows things out of proportion, reacts quickly, and can't stop eating when she simply needs love.
Which parent do YOU wanna be to your inner child???? You wanna shove the cookies in the kid's mouth, cursing, or do you wanna learn how to self comfort, self love, self parent in a healing, loving way?
I wanna learn to be the FIRST parent to myself. Don't you?
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WE have to be our own BEST FRIENDS and treat ourselves like we DESERVE to be treated.
BUT First, we have to come to the conclusion that we deserve to be treated royally, with love, respect and everything good. We have to let go of everything holding us down, so we can fly! Poor self image, poor self esteem, lack of confidence, lack of self belief, negativity, fear... It's all old crap it's time to bid farewell to.
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FEAR is a big source of baggage for me.
I had the awareness this morning that my binge yesterday was precipitated by aLOT of FEAR.
1) I was AFRAID i wasn't going to be hungry for dinner
2) I was AFRAID i'd overeaten
3) I was AFRAID i was was bloated and wouldn't be able to sing as well on Saturday
4) I was AFRAID i'd gained weight
5) I was AFRAID i'd "have" to eat raw for dinner because i worked today
6) I was AFRAID i'd never get to eat a big portion of anything ever again
7) I was AFRAID i'd never get icecream and pizza ever again
8) I was AFRAID that unless i went in the market and bought Sushi to eat, my aching feet would NEVER feel better.
9) I was AFRAID i was a sinner and would always be one
10) I was AFRAID i could never stop binge eating
Fear is old baggage I'd like to release on this opportunity of Easter. I refute each item on the list. I will get hungry again. So what if i overate. So what if i got bloated, i can get unbloated, drink more water. I will sing beautifully if i believe i deserve to. So what if i gained weight, i can ungain it. Who cares what i eat as long as i eat it with self love. Who says i can't eat big portions if i choose to? Who says i can't eat pizza and custard if i want it. Just eat it with love. Wait until I get hungry, at least. Rest your feet, Michelle, when they feel bad, or dip them in hot water. Don't give up so easily on yourself. You WILL stop binge eating because i believe in you. We're all sinners. We can only do the BEST we can for today..!
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As we mull over letting go of emotional baggage, let's identify our personal emotional baggages.
Now, let's think about turning them all over to God or a Higher Power. There is great power in identifying what is holding us down. God will help clear it away, so that we can rise above it, and begin to treat ourselves well. We will eat better as a result.
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Binge Eating didn't do anything, other than make me fatter and sicker. It didn't help one thing. It didn't make my feet feel better. Getting off of them, did.
Binge eating is destructive.
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I had such a great day at Arnold's Way today! I did great with my food - i only ate some watermelon, a few tastes of some things in the dehydrator to see how they came out, and a huge banana whip.
At home, i had a carob, banana, strawberry smoothie as a snack and some veggie broth with chickpeas and asparagus, and a peice of gefilte fish with horseradish.
Later, I was hungry again and had some vegetarian chickun salad on 1 slice of matzoh, and some of Cliff's glutenfree spaghetti.
I was in SUCH a GREAT mood today! I attribute this to the fact that i prayed in yesterdays blog and today over my food to let GO of binge eating so that i can sing beautifully and serve God. I felt free and like a burden had been lifted off of me today as a result.
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ARNOLD'S WAY COUPON
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xoxo michelle joy